Sex and Seattle
by Carmelroads
Summary: AU. Set after graduation. In the end you'll see who's fake, who's true and who's willing to risk it all for you.
1. Chapter 1- Christian

"Sir?"

"What is it, Kendall?" I say as I untie my current submissive from her restraints.

"Would you mind if I have a quick nap before I go?"

Yes, I'd mind.

"I know you said you had a familial obligation and that you had to cut this weekend short but I really think I should have a nap before I get on the road… I mean before I head to visit my folks for the week. I wasn't planning on still...not that I didn't enjoy myself… I'm just really exhausted now and I don't think I could make the drive." She rambles on looking anywhere but at me.

Instantly I am annoyed with my lack of self-control. She was supposed to be gone by now but I knew I wouldn't be able to survive the car ride to SeaTac with my brother without one more playroom session. "By all means I don't want you driving if you aren't 100% focused on the road but stay in your room while my brother is here. I'll email you once we are gone, and if you even think of coming down the stairs even a minute before then, I promise you, You. Will. Be. Sorry." I say emphasizing each word as I slip back into Dom mode.

"Can't I meet him?"

_Fuck NO and you're lucky I don't have time to light your little ass up for even asking_. Instead of responding I turn and walk out of the playroom and back down the stairs to take a shower.

The steady stream of hot water feels good against my aching muscles. Kendall has only been with me for a few short weeks; she's beautiful of course, but then again, they all were, all my little submissive drones with their brown hair, pale skin, and petite frames. In the beginning Kendall impressed me with her eagerness to please and her high tolerance for pain but she is already starting to grate on my nerves. I thought I had found the perfect submissive but she's just so damn clingy. I've punished her twice already for trying to sneak into my bed at night to fucking cuddle. I swear I might actually do permanent damage if she tries any shit when Elliott gets here.

As much as I hate to admit it, Elena was right. I waited far too long between subs and I am actually considering keeping this girl around as my own living, breathing punching bag, knowing she wants more. Normally at this point I would just terminate the contract but I am far too much of a selfish bastard to let her go before her three months are up. I have needs and my training sessions with Claude aren't cutting it anymore.

After my shower I get dressed and go check on Kendall. She is sound asleep and I let out a sigh of relief. I really don't want to go through the process of vetting a new sub so soon but my family is a hard fucking limit. I head back down stairs and call to see what the fuck is taking my brother so long.

"Hey Bro," Elliott answers

"Where the fuck are you?"

"I can't get the damn elevator to move. It isn't taking the code."

"Shit, that's because I had Taylor change it."

"Oh well why the fu… why the freak didn't you tell me when I called to say I was on my way?"

"I didn't realize you didn't have it already."

"Is everything ok? You just changed it last month right?"

"Yea, it's nothing, it was just time to change it." _New sub. New pass-code._

"Oh…Ok cool… I'm on my way up."

I end the call with my brother and head to my office to grab the construction plans I want him to look over, then I head out into the great room and fire off a few emails while Elliot is taking his sweet ass time . It's another ten minutes before I hear the elevator ping and I see him walk off with the dumbest fucking grin on his face.

"What the fuck took you so long? Mia's plane lands in less than an hour and I wanted you to look over the revised plans for the new shipping offices," I say with barely concealed annoyance.

"Dude, I think I'm in love." My brother responds and I roll my eyes. "No, seriously I've met the woman of my dreams and she just moved into your building."

"Elliott, you spend more time in love then out of love," I answer dryly.

"Correction, I spend more time in a woman's vagina then outside of one but this time it's love."

"Fuck off, Elliott," I say, grinning, to my idiot brother.

"She has roommates, you know. They are both hot, I guess. I mean, one of them has to be your type." He continues nervously. I know I should put him out of his misery but I can't help but enjoy watching him squirm. "The one is a really pretty brunette. She's petite and has these amazing blue eyes... the other one… well the other one is a little bit bigger build and… well…um… he's.."

"STOP!" I say putting my hands up cutting my brother off before he goes any further, "Elliott, I appreciate what you are trying to do but I don't need you to set me up. Let's just see if this girl of yours lasts through the end of the month and then maybe we can revisit this conversation."

"Christian, it's cool. I don't judge you, bro. I just want to see you happy. I mean gay marriage is legal in Washington. You don't have to be ashamed of who you are."

"Just drop it, El." I say as I roll out the blue prints. "And just so we're clear I prefer petite brunettes."_ I just prefer them bound and gagged in my playroom…_

* * *

We arrive at SeaTac a little after my company jet lands with my sister on board. As soon as Mia spots Elliot's Rover, she sprints towards us. "You guys have no idea how happy I am to be back on U.S. soil," Mia exclaims throwing her arms around us.

"What? I thought you were in heaven over there in the land of foie gras and haute couture " I say, teasing my baby sister.

"That's what I thought, too, but Monsieur Floubert, the chef that I worked under, had different ideas," Mia explains, rolling her eyes.

"What? He actually expected you to work?" Elliot gasps wrapping his arm around her shoulder as we walk back towards his black Range Rover.

"I did work. I worked my ass off but nothing I did was good enough."

"I'm sure that's not true Mia. You are an excellent cook; I bet it was your personality that he found so irritating," I say opening the door for my sister.

"You know what, screw both of you."

During the ride to Bellevue we fall into a comfortable silence. It's been so long since we've all been together, even before Mia left for Paris, that my mother insisted on all of us having dinner and staying the night at home. I cherish times like these with my family. Moments when I can let my guard down slightly, moments that I am able to forget all of my fucked-upness and just be Christian, not the cold dominant or the calculating CEO or the selfish prick that put his family through hell growing up, just me.

My Blackberry pings and I look to see that I have a new text message from Kendall.

***Sir i just wanted to let you know that i will no longer be going to Portland to visit my folks. My father surprised my mother with a trip to Hawaii.***

This weekend is looking better and better.

"Oh Mia, I didn't tell you," Elliott says, breaking the silence. "I've met someone."

_Here we go_. I groan and roll my eyes towards my sister who is barely holding it together in the backseat.

"What happened to Stephanie? Or was it Rachel?" Mia teases

"No, I'm think you're thinking about Elizabeth," I say joining in.

"Ok, fuck off, this time it's for real and I think Christian would really hit it off with her roommate."

Leave it to my idiot brother to ruin the fucking moment.

* * *

**Big thanks to Ordlas and Wearjorus. You guys rock.**


	2. Chapter 2- Ana

Sitting in the back seat of Kate's Mercedes I stare out the window listening to Kate and Jose argue over who makes a hotter Batman, George Clooney or Christian Bale.

"WHAT? Are you crazy?" Jose exclaims looking at Kate like she's grown an extra head.

"I just don't see the appeal. I mean I guess he's kind of hot in character but in real-life Christian Bale looks like a serial killer. Clooney on the other hand is perfection, on and off screen."

"Malibu," Jose's nickname for Kate, "have you seen that man's ass? Hell, serial killer or not, the shower scene in American Psycho is probably what made me switch teams in the first place!" Jose retorts. "Ana, tell her she's nuts."

"While I agree with you Kate, Clooney is gorgeous, there's something dark and mysterious about Christian that speaks to me on a deeper level," I answer truthfully.

"You guys are blind," Kate retorts.

I settle back into my seat and smile to myself thinking how far we've come in just four short years.

Kate and I met during our freshman orientation at Washington State University Vancouver. She walked into the auditorium and I swear all eyes were on her. She looked like she belonged on _The OC _with her blonde hair, blue eyes, and tan skin. When she came and sat next to Ray and me, I thought for sure we were about to have a _Mean Girls_ moment. Instead, she looked at me, extended her hand and introduced herself, "Hi! I'm Kate; nice kicks" she said in reference to my brand new Chuck Taylor All Stars. We have been like sisters ever since.

Jose came to WSUV the following year looking for a place to belong. He had just come out to his father and was eager to start living his life on his terms. Jose is one of those guys who doesn't have to try to be good looking - it just comes naturally. He's tall, muscular, and has the most flawless caramel-colored skin I have ever seen. He's more interested in finding the beauty in things through the lens of his camera than in his own appearance. If he were straight, he would be my perfect man.

"How's your Dad taking the news that you dropped out?" I ask Jose.

"He's pissed, of course. He thinks I'm throwing away the past three years of my life to chase a pipe dream. He just doesn't understand that a degree means jackshit when it comes to photography. He was the only reason I tried the school thing in the first place. I mean it was the least I could do, you know? He supported me when I told him I was gay; I didn't want to disappoint him any further by not giving school a chance, but if I want to be a successful photographer I need to get out in the real world and pay my dues."

"He'll come around," Kate reassures him. I nod in agreement and we fall into a comfortable silence for the remainder of the trip.

"Look you guys, there it is!" Kate says pointing to a contemporary glass building towering high above the Seattle skyline.

"Can you believe we're finally here?" Kate asks as we pull into the underground garage of our new apartment building.

"I know! It's so surreal. We've been dreaming about this since freshmen year." I say as Kate parks in an empty spot next to a sporty little red Audi.

"Nice car," Jose says whistling through his teeth. "It looks like we made it up to the big leagues now. First commission I get, I'm buying a new car. "

"We are definitely not in Kansas anymore," I say as I carefully step out of the car and take in my new surroundings. Kate's parents gifted gave her the condo as a graduation present and they told me I was more than welcome to stay as long as I needed. When Kate first showed me pictures of this place I was in shock, but actually being here and seeing it in person is overwhelming and we haven't even left the garage.

"The movers should be finished by now. They were supposed to set up all the furniture and separate the boxes by room," Kate tells us as we start towards the bank of elevators. "I figured we could go up, check the place out, and then go find something for dinner."

"Fuck the car, I'll take him." Jose says suddenly tipping his chin towards the tall blonde man standing near the elevators.

"Damn, he is a hottie. Let's make a deal, if he's gay you can have him, straight he's mine," Kate says elbowing him and picking up the pace a little bit.

"I can't take the two of you anywhere. We aren't even all the way moved in and you are already preying on our new neighbors," I say.

"We can't all be virginal nuns like you dear. Papa needs a warm body and a hard di..."

"JOSE!" I reprimand.

"What?" Jose says feigning innocence and we all burst into fits of giggles as we reach the blonde god waiting on the elevator.

"Hey bro," Blondie says into his iPhone. "I can't get the damn elevator to move. It isn't taking the code… Oh. well. why the fu… why the freak didn't you tell me when I called to say I was on my way?" he says turning towards us and flashing Kate a panty busting grin_._"Oh, is everything ok? You just changed it last month, right?" Oh. Ok, cool… I'm on my way up." He finishes his phone call just as the elevator doors open up and we all walk in. "Hi! I'm Elliott." He introduces himself, glancing briefly at Jose and me before settling his gaze on Kate. _Most definitely straight._

"Hey," Kate says all breathy and I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm Kate and these are my roommates Ana and Jose. We just moved in."

"Do you live in the building?" Jose asks obviously barking up the wrong tree.

"Oh no, I'm just visiting my little brother. He lives here. Which floor are you guys on?"

"Twenty-two," Kate replies and I think she's actually batting her eyelashes. _Who is this pod person and where's Kate?_

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Jose whispers to me and I have to bite my lip not to laugh out loud.

"Do you visit often?" Kate asks hopefully, ignoring the gagging sounds coming from Jose.

"I'll be visiting a lot more now, especially if it means running into your pretty face."

"Well next time you're around you have to make sure you stop on the twenty-second floor."_Now_ _there's the tenacious woman I've known for the last 4 years._

Elliott nods his response and continues to gaze at Kate. They are totally eye fucking each other. The elevator pings and Jose and I boogie it out of the elevator car as soon as the doors open, leaving the lovebirds alone.

"I feel dirty," I say giggling to Jose as we look for the door to our new place.

"I KNOW! If we were on that elevator any longer they were going to start ripping each other's clothes off. If we went back over there she'd probably be blowing him."

"JOSE! That's disgusting," I scold and we laugh some more.

"I think this is us." He says stopping in front of the door marked 2210. Unlocking the door, he bends over, picks me up, and carries me over the threshold. "Welcome home," He says and I smile, feeling hopeful for all the adventures that await us in Seattle.

* * *

"There you are, Malibu. We thought we were going to have to send out Search and Rescue," Jose teases.

"I think I'm in love," Kate exclaims sliding down the door.

"You just met the guy," I say rolling my eyes at the beautiful blonde heap on the floor.

"I know - it's the craziest thing. I have never felt this strongly, this soon, about anyone. Well, aside from you two."

"Awwwwwww," Jose and I croon in unison.

"You know what I mean. You guys are like my family. I don't know how I would have survived school without you. I'd probably be forced to hang out with stuck-up bitches that are only interested in my net worth."

"We know you can't live without us. That's why we didn't let you come here to live in this monstrous apartment all by yourself," Jose exclaims waving his arms around the great room.

"Yes, can we please explore this place now? At the very least, can we move this conversation to the couch?" I say excitedly.

Kate nods her head and I help her up from her spot in front of the door; we link arms and begin our expedition.

The entire apartment is designed around an open floor plan that lends to the contemporary vibe of the building. Each room seamlessly merges into the next; floor to ceiling windows covering the west wall of the great room showcase an awesome view of Seattle. The living room is decorated in a soft grey and purple palette that is both feminine and inviting. Two bedrooms, a den, and a deck complete our little slice of heaven. Kate has rightfully claimed the master suit and my things were moved into the second bedroom. We converted the den into a third, smaller room for Jose.

My favorite room of the house is the kitchen. It's sleek and modern in design but the cherry wood cabinets and kitchen island give it a homey feel. I can imagine the three of us sitting at the breakfast bar recapping our days over beer and pizza.

Just beyond the kitchen is the formal dining area and Kate and Jose are already planning our first dinner party.

"I can't wait to get all decked out and invite friends over for an elegant four course meal." Jose says in a faux British accent.

"I know! I have the perfect dress, and we can serve a different wine to go with each course!" Kate says, jumping up and down.

"Ok I hate to be Debbie Downer but neither of you can cook, which means I'll be stuck in the kitchen all day while you two play dress up. Not to mention we don't even know anyone in Seattle, nor do we have jobs to finance this extravaganza." I say as I run my finger across the wood grain of our new and completely over the top twelve-seat dining room table.

"Malibu, does that man of yours have any friends? I think our Annie desperately needs to get laid," Jose says snapping a picture of me just as I flip him off.

"Where did that thing come from?" I say pointing to his Nikon.

"You know I always have at least one of my babies on me. You never know when you'll need to capture something on film," He replies suggestively.

"Why does everything always come back to sex with you two?" I say dragging Kate by the arm into the living room.

"If you had some babe, then you would know why," Jose retorts

"Ana is just waiting for the right guy," Kate says to Jose and then turns to me, "don't listen to him. When it happens let it be on your terms, not someone else's."

"I'm glad I have at least one friend on my side," I say sticking my tongue out at Jose as he snaps another picture. "But let's get serious, we need food. You guys just want to ride around and see what we find, or should we just order in?" I ask settling on the couch next to Jose.

"I think we should go out and explore our new city a bit while it's still daylight," Jose says. "Malibu, what's your Elliott up to? Maybe he can point us in the right direction."

"I wish - he and his brother are on their way to pick their sister from the airport then they're having dinner with their parents. Apparently she's been in Paris studying French cuisine for the past however many months, so it's a reunion of sorts."

"And this came up how?" I eye Kate suspiciously.

"He volunteered this information," she says holding up her hands. "After we exchanged numbers he told me that he wished he could spend some more time with me but that he had to go pick up his sister. I told him that it's just as well because today was family day for us too."

"Good. I just want us to spend one day together before jobs and boyfriends and reallife get in the way."

"Agreed," Kate and Jose reply in unison.

* * *

We make our way back down the elevator to Kate's car when I notice the red Audi is now occupied by a girl around our age. She has her head against the steering wheel and she is visibly upset. Jose and I look at each other and he taps on the window.

I am blown away when I see the face that looks up at us. This girl could be my long lost sister. The only real differences between her and me are that she has brown eyes to my blue and her face is slightly more angular than mine. Looking at her, a broken me, I feel an instant need to protect her.

"Are you ok?" I ask as she rolls down her window.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm just having a mini meltdown." She responds, not meeting my gaze. "I was going to surprise my parents for their anniversary but they just called me and apparently they are on their way to Hawaii. My dad surprised my mom with tickets. I was here visiting my… my boyfriend but he left me too, had some family stuff to do, and my roommate is at work and I… I'm sorry I shouldn't be unloading all of this on you. I think I'm PMS'ing or something. I'll be fine. I promise I'm not some suicidal nut-job. I just needed a good cry." Ana 2.0 finishes wiping her face with her sleeve.

"Well, that's good to know." I say giving her a sad smile. "We just moved and we're trying to find a good place to eat, any recommendations?"

"We'll my roommate works at a little diner not too far from here, you could go there," the girl says.

"Would you like to join us?"

"Oh, no I couldn't. I don't want to impose."

"Don't be silly," Kate interjects, "We don't know anyone here and we could use a tour guide."

"If you really don't mind," The girl says, still unsure.

"Of course not! We'll follow you there. Oh, this is Malibu, I mean Kate and this is Ana, and I'm Jose."

"Malibu? Is that like where you're from?" the girl asks.

"No, like Malibu Barbie, on account of, well look at her," Jose explains pointing at Kate.

"Ohhh. I get it," she smiles. "Nice to meet you, I'm Kendall."

* * *

**A/N Yes I went there. Stay tuned...****shout outs to Ordlas and WeareJorus**


	3. Chapter 3- One Month Laters

From behind I gently stroke the tail of Kendall's braid as David Guetta's _Titanium _is looped in the background. I had Barney, the head of my IT department, slow the track down and remove the lyrics, making it the perfect song to fuck to. It starts soft and unassuming and then the beat attacks your senses as it builds; she's not going to know what hit her, _literally._

We are standing in the middle of my playroom. Kendall's arms are cuffed to the hooks hanging from the ceiling in my play room, she's spread–eagled, and completely at my mercy. "Why. Am. I. Punishing. You?" I whisper into her ear, nipping at her earlobe in between each word. _This is why I do this, this feeling of utter control, - I need it, I crave it, it's my drug of choice. _

Her head rolls back, giving me access to her neck, and she answers, "I broke one of Sir's rules." Her body is trembling as bring my arm over her shoulder, letting the flaps of the cat fall in between her tits.

"Which rule specifically?" I spit out as I slowly pull the cat back up and down through the valley of her breasts, letting the leather tickle her.

"The submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger," she recites in a docile tone.

"And how did you break this rule?" I say bringing my other arm around her body as my fingers find her core. I slip one finger inside of her and slowly pull it out, spreading her juices over her clit. I rub her with slight pressure, not enough to make her come, but enough to make her wish she could. I slide my hand back down and I slip two fingers inside of her, testing her readiness. She's sopping

"I got drunk on Thursday night," she whispers, lost in the sensation.

"Why did you drink so much when you know it displeases me?" I step back, moving around to stand in front of her and lifting her chin to meet my gaze.

She groans in protest to the absence in between her legs before she answers, "I was celebrating with a friend. He just got commissioned to do an art show in Portland."

"He?" I say, arching my brow.

"He's gay," she responds nervously.

"I see. Why else am I punishing you?"

"Because I drunk-dialed you. I'm so sorry, master." At this she pulls her chin from my grasp and sets her focus on the floor, no doubt embarrassed by the voicemail.

I run my hand down her neck, settling it firmly at the base of her throat, and ask, "how many lashes do you think you deserve for those two transgressions?"

"Fi..Five" she stutters. _Wrong Answer._

"Five? Maybe five for breaking the no drinking rule and another ten for the very disrespectful voicemail you left." I say and with that I step back and raise the cat just as the beat peeks and I deliver half of the lashes in time with the music.

"mhmm" she cries out.

"QUIET!" I bellow

I move behind her and finish, whipping down her back and across her ass and legs. Once she has received all fifteen blows, I un cuff her, pick her up and carry her over to my cross.

"Lift your arms" I command and she does as she is told. I curse to myself as I fumble with the cuffs, eager to be inside of her.

I step back to unzip my jeans, freeing my erection, and I ram into her in one swift motion.

I set a punishing pace as she bucks wildly against me, meeting me thrust for thrust.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Sir, please."_ God I love a screamer. _

"Please what?" I say through gritted teeth.

"Please, let me come. I need to come."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes Sir. I... I promise I won't get drunk again, just please."

_That's right; beg! You know exactly who controls your orgasms__. _"Let go," I command. With that I feel her tighten around me and it takes everything I have not to blow right then and there. I continue to pound into her as she rides out the last wave of her orgasm; when I feel her body finally start to wane I still, spilling into her. I rest my forehead on her shoulder, coming down from my high.

"I have another confession," she says, trying to catch her breath.

"Hmm," I mumble in response, gently caressing her behind.

"That night, while we were celebrating, I sort of… well your brother was there." She winces as I suddenly pull out of her letting her legs drop to floor.

"What?!" I growl, pressing my lips into a thin line.

"Well, he's dating a friend of mine, Kate, and she brought him along." About fifty different emotions play across her face before she lowers her gaze and falls back into her submissive space.

"And how do you know it was my brother?"

"Before I signed the contract I googled you. There were pictures of you with him and your sister and your parents at some charity event." _Well at least she did her homework. _"But don't worry, Sir, I didn't break the NDA. You never came up; I just thought I should tell you. I thought it was something you would want to know." She finishes as her eyes well with tears. _I fucking hate it when they cry._

"It's ok, I'm not going to punish you again, I'm glad you were honest and told me," I say, brushing her tears away with my thumb. "However, the next time you find yourself in the same place as my brother you are to leave immediately. I don't care what excuses you have to make, my family is off limits to you. Do you understand?" I say slipping back into Dom mode.

"Yes Sir." She replies in a soft sob.

* * *

I snuggle further into my blanket trying to stretch the last few minutes out of my nap. Suddenly my hand is dipped in warm water and I open my eyes to find Jose and Kendall staring at me with mischievous grins. "Ugh," I groan, pulling my hand out of the cup of water and throwing the comforter over my head. "Five more minutes. I need more sleep before I can deal with you two."

"No! Get up," Jose demands petulantly, pulling the covers back. I see him pouting at me. He's almost too good looking when he pouts and he knows it. "It's movie night, Ana, and we let you sleep while we went to go pick up the pizzas but now you're out of time," he says with his arms crossed.

"Yeah, Ana, Malibu already has the first movie cued up; we're just waiting on you," Kendall adds.

"What are we watching?" I ask as I throw the covers off and swing my legs over the edge of my bed.

"_The Notebook_," Jose answers.

We have been in Seattle a little over a month and movie night has become sort of a Sunday tradition for Kate, Kendall, Jose and me. Kendall has become like an official member of our little family ever since that day in the garage. She moved to Seattle from Portland a few years ago following her ex-boyfriend. When things between them didn't work out she decided to stay on in Seattle rather than return home with her tail between her legs. Aside from her roommate and her mysterious new boyfriend Kendall is pretty much on her own.

Jose thinks it was fate that we saw her in the garage that day, Kate thinks it's a coincidence, and I'm not really sure what to call it but I'm just I'm happy that she is in our lives.

We finally make our way to the living room and I join Kate on the couch.

"So glad you could join us sleeping beauty," she teases linking her arm with mine.

"Well, I figured since you were willing to pry your lips off Elliott and actually come home for the occasion, I should make an appearance."

"Yeah, you never know when we might see her again," Jose adds. "Between Kate spending all her time at Elliot's and Kendall's mystery man I feel like me and Ana need to hold auditions for two replacement musketeers."

"I'm not so sure I'll need replacing," Kendall says sadly. "I feel like this relationship isn't going anywhere." Kendall very rarely talks about her boyfriend so something must be wrong if she's bringing him up.

"What do you mean? You spend like every weekend holed up at his place," Kate says, "why don't you ever tell us anything about him?" _Oh no, here comes the Kavanaugh Inquisition._

"Kate, unlike you and Elliott, some of us prefer to keep private matters private. I swear if I walk in on the two of you having sex one more time I'm going to gouge my eyes out," I say trying to take the focus off Kendall. "I think I've seen that man's ass about as much as you have."

"Oh but what a mighty fine ass it is," Jose says, fanning himself.

Kendall shoots me a grateful glance as Kate tosses a pillow at Jose.

"Looks like we're missing the drinks," I add, changing the subject completely, "wine or beer?"

"Beer!" Jose and Kate chime in unison.

"I'll just have juice please, if you have any," Kendall says in a small voice and I am unable to read the expression that flashes in her eyes. "Do you need help carrying the drinks?"

"Sure, I could use a hand." The look on her face tells me she wants to talk about something in private. Kendall and I have built a pretty strong bond in the little while that we have known each other. She is two years older than me but in a lot of ways I am more mature. She wears her heart on her sleeve and is way too trusting of people. That combination alone makes me fiercely protective of her; she reminds me a lot of my mother. I guess it's the same thing that Kate and Jose see in me - even though I haven't had many life experiences I am an excellent judge of character.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Kendall asks with her eyes slightly downcast.

"Of course, what's wrong?"

"It's my… my boyfriend. Every time I think we are making progress he just shuts down again. I… we have kind of an unconventional relationship and... he made it clear from the start what he wanted and I thought I could handle it… I had just broken up with Tyler and he's the one who introduced me to the lifestyle..."

"Wait. Slow down," I interrupt. "What lifestyle?" _Lord, please don't let her tell me she's a member of the Illuminati__. _

Kendall takes deep cleansing breath and says, "Promise me you won't tell Kate and Jose?"

"Of course I won't, but you know you can tell them anything," I say, not sure I really want to hear what she's about to say.

"I know I can but as much as I love them, I just need to talk to someone who will listen without judgments or jumping to conclusions. I have to work this out for myself before I can listen to them tell me what they think is the right thing to do. I just need someone like you."

"I get it. So what is 'the lifestyle?'" I say with finger quotes.

"What do you know about BDSM?" Kendall says nervously.

" Umm… Baseball Day Seattle Mariners?" I joke.

"No Ana," Kendall says laughing, "Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadomasochism."

_Holy Shit._"I'm not really familiar with it but I really like that Rihanna song." I admit slightly embarrassed.

"Tyler, my ex, was a Dominant and he wanted me to be his submissive. I was way out of my element at first but he trained me and it brought out an entire side of me that lay dormant for so long. As strange as it sounds it's just so liberating to fully submit your will to another person, not to mention the sex was phenomenal," Kendall says and I know I am blushing the deepest shade of crimson. "Anyway, when we split I decided to look for a new Dom, and that's how I found Chri.. I mean the guy I'm seeing now. The only downside is that he's looking for a strictly D/s relationship, which I was fine with at first but now I want more and I'm not so sure that he does. I mean I can see he is starting to soften towards me a little but I'm afraid if I wait for him to come around I will end up with my heart broken _again_." Her shoulders sag in relief as she finally finishes.

"Umm, I don't have any experience with men, let alone men in 'the lifestyle', but I can tell you this, you can't force anyone to change, they have to _want_ to change for themselves, and no matter how patient you are, no matter how long you wait, if he doesn't have a reason to change then he won't. So my advice to you is, give him a reason."

"But that's not how it works. He's the dominant, I want nothing more than to please him and if our current arrangement pleases him then it's wrong of me to try to change it. Trust me - when I push too hard I end up regretting it anyway."

"Is he abusive?" I ask, hating this guy already.

"No, Ana. If I break the rules, he punishes me. He doesn't do it without cause."

_What the Fuck_

"Ana, don't look at me that way. It isn't what you think; it's consensual in our world and if I don't like something he stops."

"Where are the beers?" Jose roars walking into the kitchen. _Thank fuck! I don't know if I could handle anymore of this conversation._

"HERE!" I scream. "I mean, here we come," I say in a more suitable tone of voice, and with that we head to the living room to begin our movie night...

* * *

**A/N Big thank you to Ordlas for helping with this one. This was my first ever lemon and I don't practice BDSM so please keep that in mind. If anyone would like to give me some advice on how to make those more realistic please feel free to PM me! **

**Thanks for the reviews follows and favorites on the last chapter I really love hearing what you think!**

******Chapter track list- David Guetta- Titanium, Rihanna- S&M**

**xx**

**E**


	4. Chapter 4- Goat Fuckers

"Ok, guys, only one movie for me tonight. I'm planning to get on the road to Portland early tomorrow," Kendall explains as she bends over to put her shoes on.

"Bye, Kenny, I'll see you in the morning," Jose yells from the kitchen. He has a meeting with the gallery owners that are producing his show so he's going to catch a ride with Kendall.

"Bye, babe, have a safe drive," Kate chirps, pulling her in for a quick hug.

I stand to walk Kendall to the door and once we are out of earshot I grab her hand and give it a squeeze, "I think it's a good thing that you're heading home for a few days. Use this time to get some perspective and think about what you really want out of this relationship. I doubt this guy is worth the heartache but whatever you decide to do know that I support you 100 percent. I just want you to be happy."

Suddenly she throws her arms around me, nearly knocking me down. "Thanks Ana. I know we haven't known each other for very long but I really feel like we are sisters or something. I mean look at us," she motions back and forth from her to me, "it's like we fell from the same tree."

"I know! It's scary, right?" I giggle, "have a safe trip, sweetie, and I'm serious, think about what will make you happy." I give her one more hug and close the door behind her. _Whew! _My head is spinning with thoughts of whips and chains as I head back toward the great room to find Kate and Jose. "Kate, I need to borrow an outfit for my interview tomorrow," I whine.

"No problem. Which publishing house is it?"

"Oh no, those aren't until the end of the week; this one is for some company based here in Seattle. My advisor back at WSU sent in my resume and they called me on Friday," I explain. "I was going to turn it down because it has absolutely nothing to do with publishing but I figured it couldn't hurt to go. At the very least I can work out some of my interview jitters."

"What's the name of the company?" Jose asks impatiently.

"Grey Holdings or Grey Enterprises or something like that."

"ANA!" Kate scolds, "Firstly, I hope you are better prepared for your 'real interviews' and secondly, that's Elliot's brother's company, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Incorporated."

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?" _Like Elliot is the only Grey in the world._

"Assuming you'd done your research, you would have. Ana, Elliot's family are the only Greys that matter in Seattle. They are like royalty here."

"Yea, babe, it's called the internet," Jose says dryly and I roll my eyes, "and like Malibu said, you should be more prepared even if it is just a 'practice interview'. Christian Grey is a real ball-buster - you need to know your shit. I heard he gets off on making people cry," Jose says getting up to retrieve his laptop.

"Jose's right you know; he runs a tight ship. Elliott says Christian is such a workaholic that the only time he sees him is when their mother demands his presence at family gatherings," Kate explains. "_I've_ never even met him and I've been to a few of the Grey family events."

"I doubt I'll even see him. I'm applying for an executive assistant position for some woman named Ros Bailey. Assuming I even make it past HR, she'll be the one who does my interview," I state flatly.

Jose struts back into the living room with his MacBook and plops down on the couch between me and Kate. "Ok, let's see what we can find out about Mr. Grey and GEH," Jose pronounces.

"Holy fuck, he's even hotter than your guy, Malibu!" Jose declares, "he's gay, right?"

"Nope sorry," Kate says, popping the "p". "Elliot said they thought he was gay for the longest time, everyone did; he's never been seen out with a woman, or anyone for that matter, but it turns out he's not. Elliot thinks he's just so focused on building his empire that dating isn't high on his list of priorities."

"Oh, really? And what else does Elliot say?" Jose teases.

"Can we please get back to what we're doing?" I reprimand, taking the laptop from Jose. _Oh my, he is handsome. "_It says here that he's adopted. Kate, did you know that?"

"Yea, they all are; Elliott, Christian, and their sister Mia," Kate nods. "Wait! I think I have some articles about his company in my briefcase. One of the senior financial reporters is writing a story about GEH and since I'm a lowly intern I had the pleasure of compiling as much information about him as possible. You'd think that since I'm dating his brother it would be a breeze but the guy is super private. There's only a few articles published about him and Elliott wasn't much help," she says, getting up to fetch the articles.

"At least you have a job," I yell toward her room, "That's more than what I have at the moment."

"Babe, you're going to knock them dead!" Jose pipes in, "Not only are you going to get a job offer, you'll probably end up with several and have to turn companies down. The Seattle publishing world won't know what hit them and even if they don't see how wonderfully talented you are, you can always have Malibu's man introduce you to his billionaire brother."

"Like I would know what to do with a billionaire," I scoff. "I don't even have an outfit to wear to the interview. If it weren't for Kate I would be forced to go in my chucks and a WSU hoodie; besides, if I can't have you, I don't want anyone else."

"And if you had a penis where your vagina is you could have me," Jose quips and we fall back laughing.

Kate comes back in the room with her briefcase and the three of us spend the next few hours learning about all things Grey.

* * *

Monday morning rolls around and I fall back into my weekly routine. Wake up. Run. Shower. Breakfast. Work. I like routines. I fucking love the stability and control that having a routine gives me and if it weren't for that control who knows where the fuck I would be right now. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that I wouldn't be in this very expensive car, driven by my very expensive bodyguard, on the way to the very expensive building with my name on the door.

Taylor lets me out in the front of the building before taking the car around to the garage. Grey House is more of a home to me than my penthouse. It's my twenty story glass and steel middle finger to all the demons of my past. When I am here it doesn't matter that my birth mother was a crack addict who turned tricks to support her habit. Here I am king.

Walking through the front door I am greeted by Stephen, the on-duty guard in the lobby. I make it a point to say hello to every one of my employees. The Grey machine is only as strong as its weakest link and if there is a weak link in my employ, even in the janitorial staff, I damn sure want to know about it.

It's 7:30 and the building is still pretty quiet. The elevator takes me straight up to the executive suite and I exit to find my personal assistant, Andrea, waiting for me with a coffee in hand; no doubt, Stephan called ahead to warn her. "Good morning, Mr. Grey," she says, handing me the drink.

"Ms. Parker," I nod.

"Ten minutes?" She asks. _This is why we work well together; she doesn't waste time with unnecessary chatter._

I head to my office, fire up my computer, and check my email. Only two: one from Ros, that I skim, saying she's sick and won't be in today, and one from Kendall saying she is on her way to Portland. Just as I hit send on a reply to Kendall I hear Andrea tap on the door.

"Come in," I instruct and she comes and sits on the other side of my desk with her tablet in hand ready to go over my schedule for the day. "What's it look like today?" I ask, leaning back in my chair and taking a sip of my coffee.

"You have the department head meeting at 9," _every fucking Monday, _"then a conference call with the WSU Farming Division at 10:30; I'll forward you the meeting notes. It looks like the main item on the agenda is a request for additional funding for a goat breeding project." _Fucking goat fuckers… _"Then there's an interview at 12."

"Wait, what interview?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.

"For Ros." _Fucking Ros, fucking Bailey. _"I'm sorry I thought you knew. She said she sent you an email. There is one last interview scheduled for her new PA…"

"Why the fuck didn't she reschedule it? It's her assistant for fuck's sake." I know I sound like a petulant child but I hate doing interviews. I only interview top level execs and _my _personal assistants and submissives; I pay people to interview everyone else.

"She said that she already found someone she liked onFriday afternoon but HR called and set up this interview on Friday morning so her hands are tie. She didn't want to push it back and risk her choice being swooped up by another company. If you really like her then she suggested we schedule her to come back for a second interview when Ros is available and if not then… um..."

"Spit it out Andrea," I snap.

"She said if you didn't like her than who better to boot her out on her ass than you," Andrea finishes nervously.

I struggle to hide my smile. Ros is the only person in my entire organization with enough balls to talk to me like that; ironically, she doesn't even own a pair. "Fine, I'll do the fucking interview. What else?"

"It's pretty quiet after that, only lunch with your brother at 12:30." _Fucking Elliot._

The rest of my morning goes by rather quickly. I didn't have to yell at anyone in the department head meeting and the goats got their funding. After the conference call I dive into researching a failing shipping company that I think would look great under the _Grey _logo. I'm so caught up in organizing the hostile takeover that I'm startled when I hear Andrea's voice announcing that a Ms. Anastasia Steele is here for her interview. _Great, a fucking Russian Princess. _I let out a heavy sigh and instruct Andrea to send her in.

The door opens and all I see is a mess of brown hair tumbling straight to the ground. _I'm in fucking trouble…_

* * *

_**thanks for all your follows,favorites and reviews**_

_**shout out to Ordlas for all your help and stay tuned...**_


	5. Chapter 5- The Interview

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _ There's no way he didn't see that. Damn Kate and her damn insistence on me wearing these damn heels. Oh God, please kill me now.

"Shit! Are you ok Ms. Steele?" I hear footsteps coming towards the spot where I landed.

"Fine," I mumble as I crawl on my knees to retrieve the resume that is now scattered out in front of me. "I'm fine I just…" my mouth snaps shut as I look up, temporarily stunned silent by the beautiful gray-eyed man that is crouched in front of me, picking up my cover letter. His tousled copper hair contrasts with his otherwise flawless appearance. He is wearing the hell out of a custom gray suit, white oxford shirt, and the shiniest pair of black loafers I have ever seen. The pictures did not do him justice. This man is a god.

Our eyes connect for a moment and I can feel the heat crawling up my face. I drop my gaze and suddenly the crumpled papers in my hand are the most interesting documents in the world. Anything to avoid the intense stranger staring straight into my soul. "I think you dropped this," he smiles slightly, shaking the paper in his hand.

_The bastard is actually making fun of me. _"Um, thanks," I say as amble to my feet and grab the paper a little more forcefully than intended. _Ok Ana, get it together. _"Hello, I'm Anastasia, well Ana, Steele," I say as I extend my hand.

"Christian Grey, nice to meet you, Anastasia," my name rolls off his tongue like rich, dark chocolate as he traps my hand in his firm grasp. When we touch it's as if an electric current is running from his body straight to my core. Reflexively, I snatch my hand back as if it were burnt, desperate to break the spell.

Christian cocks his head to one side and studies me for a minute; I know he felt it too. I feel myself blush again under his stare and, in an attempt regain some modicum of control over my brain, I comment on the square mosaic of small paintings hanging on the wall, just over his shoulder. "Those are lovely," I say, pointing to the portraits. They are the only thing in his too big and too clinical office that indicates a living breathing person occupies this space for ten hours a day.

"A local artist, Trouton," he explains turning to walk towards the L-shaped white leather sofa sitting in the corner of his office.

"Raising the ordinary to the extraordinary," I say more to myself than him as I follow. He stops abruptly and turns at my words resulting in me landing on my ass for the second time in ten minutes.

"What did you… Oh, I'm sorry. Are you ok?" he asks, reaching down to help me up. I notice some unnamed emotion flash across his face just before he pulls me to my feet and there it is again, the same spark from before, threatening to desecrate the precious balance of this pristine sanctuary he calls an office.

"I'm fine," I answer, rolling my eyes, thinking about how stupid it was of me not to bring a more practical pair of shoes for the bus ride home.

Anger flashes in his eyes and he stands up a little taller. Motioning towards the couch he commands, "Have a seat." _A little informal for an interview but anything is better than teetering around any longer in these sky high heels. _

I adjust Kate's crisp white button down and almost too tight black pencil skirt before I sit on the couch with as much grace as I can manage. Mr. Grey sits in a chair across from the couch and steeples his two index fingers on his lips while he waits.

"Shall we begin?" he asks, once I finally figure out a way to sit down in my constrictive clothing.

I cross my legs to steel myself in preparation for the inquisition and reply, "Yes sir.

His gaze darkens and eyes roam briefly down my body pausing at Kate's designer shoes and finally back up to my face, locking his eyes with mine, gray to blue. _Did Christian Grey just check me out? _He runs his fingers through his hair and clears his throat before beginning. "Tell me about yourself, Ms. Steele."

"Well… umm… This summer I graduated from Washington State University with a degree in English…"

"I can see that from your resume," Mr. Impatient interrupts, "I want to know what's not written here. What interests you? "

I look towards the ceiling, chewing on my bottom lip, trying to think of a suitable answer.

"It's not a trick question." Our eyes meet again and he's looking at me like he wants to consume me. Chew me up and spit me out.

I feel a shiver course through my body and I give my head a slight shake before I begin, "I… uh.. BOOKS!" I exclaim happy that my brain seems to be working again. "I mean, books interest me. I love reading. I can spend hours lost in a good book. For me, reading is transcendent. It's like I am right there with the characters, feeling what they are feeling, experiencing what they experience. When it's over, when I turn the last page it's like saying goodbye to a dear friend. I have actually wept over a book ending," I admit with a small chuckle.

He looks at me with a thoughtful expression and continues, "Sounds like you have quite a love affair with the written word. Who is your favorite author?"

""I couldn't possibly choose just one." I nip at my bottom lip for a moment trying to decide. "What I will say is that I love classic British literature. The Bronte sisters, Hardy, Austen, Dickens, Stevenson..." I rattle off

"I see. What else are you passionate about?"

"Travel. Not that I've done much of it," I amend, "but some day. I want to explore the world. I want to get lost in strange cities in foreign lands. I want to visit the places that inspired great works of art. I want to see the magical lands I've read about. I want to taste a country's history in its food. I want… I'm sorry I'm rambling," I say nervously fidgeting with my hands

"No. It's refreshing to hear someone speak so ardently about travel. Most of the time it's all about the beaches or the parties or the shopping," he comments looking lost in his thoughts. . _This is the strangest interview I've ever had._

There is a light knock at the door and his blonde bombshell assistant sticks her head in, "I'm sorry to interrupt but your 12:30 is here, shall I have him take a seat?"

Christian's eyes dart back and forth between me and Blondie a couple times and I swear he mutters a curse word before responding, "Yes… No, tell him I'm busy and I can't get away, we can reschedule for tomorrow."

"No," I interrupt, "please don't reschedule on account of me. I mean I tanked this thing when I fell through the door anyway. I understand that you are a busy man and I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me. Please tell Ms. Bailey, thank you for considering me for the position but let's face it, I wouldn't fit in around here anyway," _I'm not tall, I'm not blonde, and I am damn sure not graceful_. "I don't want to keep you from the rest of your day." I finish, standing and making a beeline for the door.

"Wait. Ms. Steele…"

I make it to the reception area before I look back to see what he wants, when suddenly I crash right into Christian's 12:30 appointment. Before I hit the ground _again_ I am pulled back onto my feet. I look up to see my savior and am mortified to find my roommate's boyfriend. "Elliot?"

* * *

"Wait Ms. Steele…" Shit. I stumble up from my seat. _Since when do I fucking stumble? _I quickly stride through my office, passing a confused-looking Andrea at the door just in time to see Anastasia crashing into my brother. _I'm going to have to keep her in a plastic bubble_.

"Elliot?" She sounds mortified as she looks up at Elliot who still has his fucking hands on her arms. If he weren't my brother I might actually rip them from their fucking sockets; instead, I walk over to where they're standing and extend my hand to my brother for a shake. When he reaches out I yank him away from her with as much force as I can get away with, without raising suspicion.

"You're early," I say, trying to hide the annoyance in my voice.

"By like 10 minutes, I figured I should make up for being late last time," he explains, "and Ana what are you doing here?"

"Oh, Kate didn't tell you?" _Why do I know the name Kate?_

"No, I haven't spoken to her since she left my place Sunday afternoon, respecting the rules of movie night and all," Elliot says with a smirk.

"Ms. Steele was just interviewing for Ros's open PA position before you interrupted," I growl.

"Oh really? Shit, Christian, you gotta hire her, she's Katie's roommate. You know the one I was telling you about." _Yea when you tried to hook me up with both her and the gay roommate. Wait… Kate is Elliot's girlfriend? Gay roommate? Ana knows Kendall... NO. FUCKING. WAY…_

* * *

_**A/N**_

_**Edited the end to make it clearer. CG doesn't think Ana is gay, he just worked out that she and Kendall have the same friends. **_

_** Now the real fun begins. Thanks for your favorites/follows/reviews. Thank you to Ordlas for all your help with this chapter!**  
_


	6. Chapter 6- D Day

**"No shit? Christian you** have to hire her, she's Katie's roommate. You know, the one I was telling you about," Elliot says, trying to get his brother to recall the memory.

It takes him a second but eventually a look of realization flashes in his eyes, followed closely by sheer panic. I am too busy planning my escape to focus much on what either brother is saying; instead I squeak out my goodbyes, "Thanks again for taking the time to meet with me, Mr. Grey, and Elliot, I'll see you around." With a quick wave, I turn to leave as Ms. Parker jumps up to call the elevator.

"No, wait!" Elliot says stopping my retreat. "We're about to go to lunch, why don't you join us? I can call Kate and see if she can get away," he adds, looking at me with a pleading expression.

"Oh, no, I would hate to impose," I answer. _Not a chance in hell. _

"It's no imposition at all," Christian speaks up, apparently recovered from whatever the hell that was earlier.

He moves to take another step toward me and I involuntarily take a step back. "I would love to, but I have another interview so I really must be going," I lie convincingly and head towards the waiting elevators. _Thank God Blondie had the presence of mind to hit the call button._ Once the doors close, I let out a deep sigh, thankful to put that entire ordeal behind me. That had to be the worst interview in the history of interviews. Christian Grey is the sexiest man on the planet and I fell flat on my ass, not once, but twice. Hopefully, today will have exorcised my bad interview karma and Wednesday at Seattle Independent Publishing will go a lot smoother.

**I manage to stay on my** feet long enough to make it out of the building, to the bus stop, and back into the safety of our apartment. Jose left for Portland with Kendall early this morning and Kate is at work so I am left alone to dissect my embarrassing moments from earlier. _Why do I have to be such a klutz? _

Deciding it's best not to dwell on things I cannot change, I attempt to pull myself out of this funk. First things first, I need to get the hell out of these shoes. If they were mine, I would burn them in a ritual sacrifice to the interview gods but they belong to Kate so I return the offending items to her room. Next, I head to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and once it's finished I grab my old copy of _Tess of the d'Urbervilles _and try forget all about the gray-eyed man that had me literally falling at his feet.

Twenty minutes later I am still on page one of my book and my tea is cold. _Fuck this, I need something stronger than English Breakfast_. I pull myself off the couch and head towards the kitchen, stopping mid-way when I realize we polished off all the alcohol we had in the house last night. I head back to my room to grab my phone to send Kate a text.

***wanna get day drunk? tell your boss you're not feeling well and meet me at that gay bar Jose took us to last weekend.—xx A***

***Since when do you get drunk, let alone drunk in the middle of the day ON A MONDAY?— xo~Malibu Barb~ox****

***Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the interview…That bad huh? – xo~Malibu Barb~ox****

***yup* - xx A***

***I'll be there in 15 minutes— xo~Malibu Barb~ox***

**I throw on my** chucks and make my way over to the bar without incident. _CC Attle's_ is an inconspicuous-looking brown building on Oliver Way. By day it's a perfect place to meet friends for happy hour and by night it transforms into one of Seattle's most popular gay clubs. Today, however, it's the only place I can think of that opens early enough for me to drown any residual embarrassment over my infamous meeting with Mr. Grey.

I get there just as Kate parks her Benz and I wait for her by the door. Kate, as always, is immaculately dressed in black slacks, a blue silk blouse and a pair of black stilettos that look almost identical to the ones she lent me. "Spill it, Steele," she says by way of greeting, "what was so bad that I had to leave work?"

"We'll get to that part soon enough. First, I need a drink," I say grabbing her arm and dragging her through the front door.

We head straight for the bar and sit down next to a three foot rainbow flag hanging proudly on the wall. A tall dark-skinned man with bright red lips and perfectly groomed eyebrows walks towards us from behind the bar in what I am guessing are five inch heels._ Jesus, Steele, everyone can walk in heels but_ you! "Hey. ladies," he says, "Ya'll want to hear the specials or do you know what you want?"

"Specials, please," I ask, not sure what would be good.

"Today we are offering the Creamsicle cocktail for $7.25 and Raspberry Cheesecake Shot for $5. They are both to die for but be careful, 'cause chile they sneak up on you."

"Well take two of each," Kate says, handing him her credit card. She studies me for a moment, then adds, "and keep the tab open."

"Coming right up, baby girl, and if you need anything else, my name is Erika, just give me a shout."

Once he returns with our drinks the tenacious Ms. Kavanaugh is back at it. "So now will you tell me why we're here?"

I down the shot and quickly recap my day for Kate and our new fierce friend.

"You can't be serious. You busted your ass twice! In front of _Seattle's Most Eligible Bachelor_?" Erika asks incredulously. I drop my forehead on the top of the bar and nod slightly. "Well, shit, I think that deserves another round, on the house."

"A.. An..na babe," Kate struggles not to laugh, "I'm sure it hap… happens… all… the.. ti..time."

I groan in response as Erika comes back with round two. I down that one, too, and say, "Fuck it. It's not like I wanted the job anyway and I probably will never even see that man again in my life so there is no use letting it get to me."

"There you go, that's the attitude to have," she pauses to take a sip of her drink, "but you do know he lives in our building, right?"

"Yea, but we've been there a month and haven't run into him. That place is huge; we could probably live there a year and not meet half of our neighbors. We still have no clue where Kenny's man lives," I finish, licking the whip cream off of my other drink.

"Speaking of Kendall, do you think that the reason she's keeping this guy a secret is because he's married or something?" Kate asks motioning to Erika for another round of shots.

"No! She wouldn't do that, Kate." _Married, no. Sadistic, yes._

"We should follow her," Kate suggests taking a drink.

"Absolutely not!" _ We would be scarred for life._

"Why not? Aren't you even a little curious?" _To see my friend bound and gagged? I'll pass._

"She's our friend, Kate. That's a total violation of her privacy. If she's not ready to introduce us to him then we need to respect that."

"Even if she's breaking up a happy home?"

"Let it go, Kate."

"How do you know for sure? Look at the facts, Ana: she never talks about him, he never calls her or sends her text messages, and whenever we even bring up the subject of boyfriends, she shuts down."

"I know her, she's not like that."

"You can't know that after a month. Hell, I'm just starting to understand Elliot and I spend most of my time with him."

"Exactly, you spend all your time at Elliot's. You aren't even around enough to try to get to know her so don't judge."

Kate looks hurt, then asks, "Does it bother you, how much time I spend with him?"

"Sometimes, I guess," I mumble, looking into my drink.

"Why haven't you said anything before?"

"Because I don't want to be the girl who makes you choose her boyfriend or her friends."

"Ana, I know you aren't that girl, plus it isn't even a competition – _Chicks over dicks, right?_"

"Kate, I like Elliot," I say, finally meeting her gaze, "and I love how happy you are being with him. I just miss you sometimes, that's all."

"Ok, new rule," Kate says grabbing her glass, "I decree from here on out every Monday, now and henceforth, shall be Kate and Ana's Day Drunk day!" We clink our glasses and take a drink before she continues, "I agree, I have been a shitty friend and I don't want to lose you, not now and not ever."

"Aw, Kate. I'm not going anywhere any time soon so deal, Mondays are now D Day!" I say and we hug, both of us teary-eyed.

"So you don't think he's married?"

"No Kate," I say rolling my eyes and reaching for my drink.

* * *

**I decide that** going back into work would be utterly useless. Twenty minutes in a room with Ms. Steele and my brain has turned into complete shit. More than once Elliot had to pull my attention back to our conversation. "Bro, what the fuck is going on with you today? It's like you're a million miles away."

"I'm sorry, El, I'm just really consumed with this latest acquisition." _Technically, getting Ms. Steele to submit for me is like a planning a hostile takeover. Oh, how I would love to take over her body._

"You work too hard, dude."

"You might be right. I'm thinking about blowing off the rest of the day to clear my head. You want to go for a hike?" _I need to find out just how close Kendall and Ms. Steele are. With any luck they're only casual acquaintances._

"Damn, Christian, you must be stressed. You never blow off work."

"First time for everything," I say with a shrug.

Once we leave the restaurant, we head back to my penthouse to change. I give Taylor the rest of the day off; Elliot and I jump in my R8 and head to Interlaken Park. It's not my favorite trail but it's the closest and I am in desperate need of a physical release.

"So how was Ana's interview?" Elliot asks as I park the car.

"It was fine but she was interviewing for Ros's assistant so she has the final say," I reply, grateful that he brought up the subject of the delectable Ms. Steele.

"Oh. Well, put in a good word for her, would you? She's a really great girl and Kate thinks the world of her."

"I'll see what I can do. How well do you know her?" I inquire, making it seem as if I'm only interested for professional reasons.

"Not as well as I'd like. Kate and I spend a lot of time alone, if you know what I mean," he gives me a wink and I roll my eyes. "I've hung out with them on a few occasions, though; Jose, their other roommate, had a sort of an impromptu party celebrating getting commissioned for his first gallery show in Portland; he's a photographer. Anyway, we were all at this gay bar on Oliver Way and while Kate and Jose and their other friend Kendall were getting hammered, Ana just sipped on like one beer the entire night. She even ended up leaving early to take Kendall home when she got trashed and started throwing up. Kate says Ana's always been like that, looking out for everyone else's well being over her own." Elliot finishes shaking his head.

_I should beat Kendall's ass again just for ruining Ana's night. _"How well do they know each other?" I ask, although I'm dreading the answer. It sounds like they're all really close friends and if Ana is as good a person as Elliot says she is, then I don't have a chance in hell._ Maybe if I can just get Anastasia to sign an NDA neither one will ever have to know. I really am a selfish bastard._

"Kate, Ana, and Jose met in school. They met Kendall after they moved here about a month ago. They all seem pretty tight, though," Elliot says, opening the car door.

Before I can ask another question Elliot's phone rings. "Hold up, Bro, it's Kate… Hey babe.. Have you been drinking? It's two o'clock in the fucking afternoon…I'm with my brother… Stay there; I'm on my way…. Kate, I swear to God, if you get in that fucking car… I'll be there soon… Laters." Elliot hangs up the phone, looks at me, and says, "Mind if we cut this trip short? My fucking girlfriend decided to get trashed in the middle of the damn day. They're at that gay bar I was telling you about and neither one of them is fit to drive home." He finishes, running his fingers through his hair.

"They?" I ask, trying to keep my voice neutral. _Please don't say the photographer. Please don't say the photographer. _

"Kate and Ana."

A feel a slow grin creep across my face as I start the car, "Of course, we can reschedule." _Well, Ms. Steele. It looks like we will meet again._

* * *

**Big thank you to Ordlas aka my "beta-half" ****and to you all for your reviews/favorites/follows!**


	7. Chapter 7- Gone with the Wind Fab

**"No, Kate!" I squeal** trying to pull the phone from her hand, "Kate, don't call him. Friends don't let friends dial drunk."

"No, wait. I just need to tell him one thing," she yells as Erika, the bartender, cranks up Beyonce's _Single Ladies _in the background. Kate jumps off the stool, motioning for me to follow her outside so she can make the call.

"Baaaabbbbe," Kate slurs. "Wait. I can't hear you." She puts the phone on speaker, "Baby?"

"Have you been drinking?" Elliot asks with annoyance in his voice.

"Ohhhh. You're in trouble," I snicker, throwing my arms around my friend.

"Shh. Be quiet. I'm on the phone," Kate reprimands, trying not to laugh. "I may have had a drink or two with my best friend."

" It's two o'clock in the fucking afternoon," Elliot scolds.

"I know but it's D Day," Kate tries to explain but we erupt in a fit of giggles. "Where are you?"

"I'm with my brother."

"You should come meet us for a drink. Ana," Kate turns to me and whispers, "Is it okay if Elliot comes and meets us for a drink? Plus we kind of need a ride home." I nod grinning. _Maybe I'll get to sneak a peek at CEO Sexy Pants when he drops Elliot off. _"Babe, Ana said it was ok for you to come meet us. We are at CC Attle's."

"Stay there; I'm on my way."

"My car's here."

"Kate, I swear to God, if you get in that fucking car… "

"Jesus, take a chill pill. I was only going to say you'll have to drive it home."

"Ok, I'll be there soon… Laters."

Kate hangs up the phone, looks at me, and says, "Elliot's on his way."

"No shit, Sherlock, you had the phone on speaker," I chuckle.

"Oh. Right. Let's go get another drink before the 'fun police' get here and shut us down!"

Kate and I go back inside the bar just as Erika starts belting out the chorus to _Single Ladies. _Kate looks at me raising her eyebrow and I know exactly what she's thinking. Jose made us spend countless hours practicing the routine from the video in our apartment. "Oh no. No way, Kavanaugh. I have made enough of a fool of myself for today. I am not about to do the _Single Ladies _dance in a bar full of people," I cross my arms over my chest and plant my feet firmly. "Not a chance in hell."

"Come on. Ana, what bar full of people? There are like ten people in here, and what happened to the fuck it, Ana from earlier?"

"She left."

"I am not taking no for an answer," Kate says dragging me towards the makeshift stage in the back of the room. Erika notices us approaching and he waves us up onto the stage. "Come on, babe. Please?"

_Ugh, how dare she use the puppy dog face. Damn you Kate! _"Fine," I grumble. Kate jumps up and down with excitement before practically sprinting up the steps and onto the platform. She gets into place on Erika's left and I reluctantly stand to her right just in time for another round of the chorus. Kate and I start swinging our hips and waving our hands back and forth to the beat.

_'Cause if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it_

_If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it_

_Don't be mad once you see that he want it'_

_Cause if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ,oh, oh oh_

_If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it_

_If you liked it, then you should put a ring on it_

_Don't be mad once you see that he want it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it_

Once the song comes to an end, Erika turns to us with a big smile on his face and starts bouncing up and down in excitement. "Where the hell did that come from?" he asks looking like the cat that stole the canary.

"Jose," Kate explains out of breath, "Our roommate, made us practice that damn dance every night for like six months straight." I nod my agreement, too tired to form actual words.

"Well, that was fabulous, honey, _Gone with the Wind _fabulous!" and with a dramatic "z" formation snap, Erika leads us back over to the bar where the other ten patrons are waiting to congratulate us.

I look to Kate and mouth a quick "thank you" and smile. I never imagined I could be having this much fun just a few short hours after my disastrous interview. This is why I love Kate - she's always there for me when I need her.

* * *

**It only takes** about fifteen minutes to drive from Interlaken Park back into downtown Seattle. We are quiet the entire trip, Elliot worrying about Kate and me trying to come up with a plan that will afford me some alone time with Ms. Steele. Kendall will be back from Portland on Friday so I have until then to figure out what the hell I am going to do.

On one hand, Kendall is the perfect submissive. She is beautiful, has a high threshold for pain, and she only wants to please me. She has even cut out all the clingy shit she used to do and we have actually fallen into a comfortable rhythm. It would be as easy as breathing with Kendall.

On the other hand, there's Anastasia. She's smart, passionate, witty, and probably the clumsiest fucking person I have come across in my entire life. When she touches me, my whole body comes alive. It's completely unnerving, but also the most incredible feeling in the world. Her touch is different. It's cathartic, almost like she is healing me with her delicate fingers. The million dollar question remains, however, is she submissive? From her interview, she doesn't appear to have a submissive bone in her body but I am desperately hoping that she is willing to explore the possibility.

Elliot directs me to pull up behind a silver Mercedes Benz CLK. "That's Kate's car," he explains. "Thanks for dropping me off, bro. We definitely need to reschedule ASAP, maybe we can even go out to Cedar Creek."

I nod my head as Elliot starts to get out of my car. _Do something Grey. You can't leave without seeing Anastasia. This might be your only chance before Kendall comes back. _Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I call to my brother just before he shuts the door. "If you want, I can take Anastasia back to Escala so you and Kate can just go straight to your place," I suggest, hoping he doesn't see right through me.

He looks confused for a moment then flashes a knowing smile, _smug bastard,_ before saying, "Sure, why not. I guess I can take Kate back to my place, but it will cost you dearly, brother."

"Fuck off, Elliot." I get out of the car, slam the door shut behind me, and we head towards the bar entrance. It takes everything I have not to run in there at full speed, grab Anastasia, drag her out by her hair, and lock her in my playroom. I have never wanted to posses someone as much as I want this blue-eyed innocent girl. I will not stop until I have her submission.

"Look, there they are," Elliot says pointing to the dance floor. The bar is dead and Anastasia and Kate are the only two people dancing. Some Britney Spears song is playing over the loud speaker and the two girls are swaying back and forth off beat. Anastasia looks as fuckable as I remember, wearing skin tight skinny jeans and a black fitted tee shirt. The shirt stops just above the band of her jeans and every time she moves she flashes tiny glimpses of her stomach.

We make our way over to them unnoticed and Elliot wraps his arms around Kate's waist, whispering something in her ear that causes her to giggle. Anastasia is standing there actively avoiding my gaze so I walk right up to her and whisper, "Hi," into her ear. _That's right Grey, you've got four fucking days, time to pull out the big guns. _

She bites down on her lip and instantly I can feel my dick twitch with excitement. Oh, the things I could do to that mouth. "Hi," she mouths back.

We stand there staring at each other for a moment before Elliot breaks the spell, "Kate, this is my brother, Christian, Christian this is Kate, Kate Kavanaugh." I nod my hello. "I asked Christian if he could take Ana back to the apartment so we can just head back to my place," Elliot finishes, winking at me. _Who knew my brother could actually be discreet?_

"I'm going home with Ana!" Kate protests.

_Oh, no, you're not. _"I live in the building so it's not out of the way and I'll make sure she gets into your apartment safely," I say, leaving no further room for argument.

"But it's D Day!" Kate whines.

_She's really testing my fucking patience._ Before I get the chance to rebut, Anastasia jumps in, "It's fine, Kate," she slurs. _She's drunker than I thought._ "I can.. I go back with Christian. You go with Lelliot."

"See. It's settled. Let's go." Without another word I grab Anastasia by the arm and pull her toward the door. She is stumbling behind me trying to keep up but I don't slow down until I have her safely deposited in the passenger seat of my R8. Before I can stop myself, I bend down and fasten her seat belt. She looks up at me, wide eyed, and her face turns a beautiful shade of pink. _I wonder what her ass would look like this color. _I give the belt a quick tug to make sure it's secure and then I flash her the patented Christian Grey panty dropper smile. I may have been cursed with this face but it's never stopped me from using it to get what I want and right now I want nothing more than to be in between Anastasia's legs.

She blushes even brighter and drops her gaze to her lap. I can't help the chuckle that slips out as I back out of the car and walk over to the driver side. When I get into the car she's scowling at me. "That was mean, you know," she pouts. _Fuck, that mouth._

"I know," I say pulling out into traffic.

"This is a very nice car," Anastasia comments after a few moment of comfortable silence.

"If you were sober I might have let you drive it. Why the hell are you this drunk on a Monday anyway?" I ask slightly annoyed.

She covers her face with her hands and groans as if she's in pain.

"Tell me," I demand.

Nothing.

"Anastasia," I command in partial Dom mode now. "It's rude not to answer when someone asks you a question."

"You already know," she says, her hands still covering her face.

"Already know what?"

"Don't play dumb, Christian."

"Excuse me?" _Did she just call me dumb? That's a first._

"I got drunk because I made a complete ass of myself on my first real job interview. Not everyone comes from money, some of us have to work for a living. I need a job and today was a total disaster and now I have no confidence and I have to do it all over again on Wednesday."

"I work for a living, too," _and I damn sure don't come from money, I was adopted into it._

"Look, let's just drop it. We're here anyway."

"As you wish."

I pull into the garage and park my car; Anastasia jumps out before I even have the chance to take the key out of the ignition and for the second time today I find myself chasing after Ms. Anastasia Steele. I finally catch up to her at the elevator and we stand in awkward silence waiting for the damn thing to arrive. Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair and say, "For what it's worth Ms. Steele, fall or not, you captivated me in your interview. It's refreshing to hear someone speak so passionately. You might have gotten the job had you not run out of the office."

She looks up at me with her too big eyes, and her mouth pops open in shock. "Really?"

"Really, Anastasia," I declare. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"What now? And don't roll your eyes, it's rude," I growl in frustration.

"Why do you call me _Anastasia_?" she answers, imitating me.

"It's your name, isn't it?"

She turns towards me and puts her hands on her hips just as the elevator doors open, and complains, "Well yes, but everyone calls me Ana."

"Well, Anastasia, I'm not everybody," and with that I grab her by the elbow and pull her inside the waiting car. "What floor?"

"Twenty-two," she says in a huff before her lips settle into a sexy pout.

"Don't pout."

"Or else what?"

_God this is the most frustrating woman in the world. _"Or else," I stalk towards her, forcing her to take several steps back until she is flush with the wall, pressing into her body. Knowing full well she can feel my growing erection I growl in her ear, "you'll be sorry." I rub my nose against hers, up and down her soft strawberry scented skin, it's intoxicating. She looks up at me with a pleading expression and I know exactly what she's begging for. _Fuck I'm good. _

The doors ping open, waking Anastasia from my charm. She gives her head a slight shake as she informs me that she isn't feeling well. "Did you and Ms. Kavanaugh bother to eat anything before getting shit-faced, on a Monday, in the middle of the afternoon?" I ask, already knowing the answer. She rolls her eyes defiantly and responds, "Does gum count?"

"No Ana-_stasia_," I spit, "gum does not count." I step back, allowing her to move, holding my arm out and gesturing for her to lead the way to the apartment.

Once we are inside I go straight to the kitchen and grab the first thing I can find, a banana. _Of course, like I need any more reasons to picture my dick in her mouth. _"Here, eat this." It's not a question and for the first time since we've met, she doesn't put up a protest. She slowly peels back the skin and to my dismay, breaks the tip off and pops it into her mouth. I stare at her in disbelief. Seeing my shocked expression she asks, "What?"

"Nothing, Ms. Steele," I reply dryly. "Where do you keep the Tylenol? And don't speak with your mouth full."

She breaks off an even bigger piece of the banana, shoves it in her mouth before answering, "In the bathroom."

_As soon as she signs the contract I'm going to light her behind up. _Instead of responding, I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I hand it to her and she takes a quick swig. "Feel better?" I ask hopefully.

"I little," she winces, "I probably shouldn't have had that last shot."

"You shouldn't have had the first one."

"Has anyone ever told you that you are just a _little_ domineering?" She holds her hand up, with her thumb about an inch away from her index finger, visually making her point.

"Baby, you have no idea." I hit her with a lazy grin, "Come on, show me where the aspirin is."

"Follow me," she answers with yet another eye roll.

I arch my brow at her, _is that a challenge Ms. Steele? _Before I can stop myself, I pull back my arm and _SMACK!_ I pop her on her ass one good time_. _She turns and looks at me incredulously. "I told you, it's rude to roll your eyes."

If looks could kill, I would probably be a dead man. I stand my ground and return the glare, trying not to laugh and failing miserably. She glares at me a moment longer before turning and walking towards the bathroom, giving the spot where I smacked her a little rub. I grab the forgotten bottle of water and follow her down the hall.

I wait in the doorway as Anastasia extracts a small bottle of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet. Her bedroom is right across the hall so I take the bottle from her, lock her hand in mine and I lead her into the room. She looks at me like she wants to protest but for whatever reason she doesn't.

Gently pushing her on the bed, I turn to rummage through her drawers, in search of PJ's. When she finally realizes what I'm doing she speaks, "Hey, it's only like…" she turns to look at the clock on her nightstand, "3:30."

Ignoring her, I continue my search. Jesus Christ, _doesn't she own anything that isn't flannel? Wait. Is that what I think it is? _I can't believe what I am seeing in sweet little Ana's drawer. I peek over my shoulder to see if she's noticed, but she is laying back flat on her bed. I pull out the offending item and ask, "What's this?"

Sitting up on her elbows, her eyes pop and her mouth drops wide open when she see's that I am holding her pale pink plastic dildo. "Oh. MY. GOD." She squeals, jumping up off the bed. "Put that down, it's not what you think, why are you even still here?"

Struggling to contain my laughter, I reply, "and what do I think it is, Ms. Steele?"

"It's a gift. I mean a _gag_ gift from my roommate. I don't… I've never used it," she stutters, "I just… It's rude to throw away a gift but it's not like I can display it on my bookshelf." She snatches the pink dick out of my hand and places her hands on her hips. "Why are you still here?"

"I promised my brother I would make sure you were ok. Once I get your little ass in bed, I'll leave," I smirk, proud of my little joke.

"Fat chance, Grey."

"Oh, really?" I say wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her onto my erection, her posture softening slightly. "I think I can persuade you otherwise." Bringing one of my hands to her face, I gently tilt her chin up and gaze into her eyes, silently asking for permission. Slowly I bring my lips closer to hers, giving her every opportunity to change her mind. Just as our lips touch, she jerks her head back. I look at her, wondering what the fuck happened but before I can ask the question, she turns and runs out the door and into the bathroom. "Bleeeeehhhhhhhh."

"Great. Just. Fucking. Great," I sigh. I hope she at least made it to the toilet. Walking into the bathroom, I find Ms. Steele with hear had buried deep in porcelain. "See baby, this is why you should never drink on an empty stomach," I says as I wrap her hair in a makeshift pony tail.

"unghh. I'll try.. Unghh… to remember.. unghh.. that next time.. blehhhhhh."

_Even vomit can't cure her of that smart mouth. _ I chuckle, absently rubbing small, soothing circles around her back. I still have no fucking clue what I am going to do about the whole Kendall situation but I do know that right now I would rather be here, listening to Anastasia puke, than anywhere else. She has rocked my world in only four short hours. She is unexpected and unpredictable and strangely enough I am drawn to that.

My decision should be easy. Pick the girl that makes you feel alive but this is real-life. I need control. I crave it, and without it, without my lifestyle I know I would revert back to that angry boy who is constantly fucking up. My head is telling me to stay with Kendall, it's the right thing to do. Anastasia doesn't deserve a sick fuck like me, even I don't have enough self control to stay away from this crazy beautiful, headstrong girl that's puking her guts out. Four days. I have four days to make a choice. Four days, I can't have both, can I?

* * *

**A/N Thank you to Odrlas for reading this 3 times and to you for all your favorites/follows/and reviews.**


	8. Chapter 8- Sticks and Stones

**It's been two** days since my interview with Anastasia and I cannot get her out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, she over whelms my senses, her beautiful eyes, her intoxicating strawberry scent, her silky smooth skin and angelic voice are all that I can think about. The rational side of my brain is telling me to just forget about her. I doubt she could ever be submissive and a D/s relationship is the only type of relationship I want. I have no interest in anything vanilla; hell, I even prefer chocolate cake, yet something inside of me isn't willing to let her go.

Kendall is due back from Portland in two days and this indecisiveness is driving me fucking insane. I have thought of nothing else and it's really starting to affect my takeover plans for the shipping yard.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I need a kick in the ass and I know just the person to deliver the blow. Reaching for my phone I dial the one person who knows me better than anyone else. _RING._ The only person I can think of who will give it to me straight, no bullshit. _RING. _ The one person who will look at the situation, analyze all the angles, and come up with the best solution. _RING. RING. _

"Christian, darling, what an unexpected surprise. How are things?" Elena replies seductively. Everything Elena does screams sex, even now, and we haven't fucked in years.

Elena Lincoln was my Domme. She is the one who introduced me to the lifestyle and aside from my therapist, she is the only one who knows just how sick and twisted I really am. She understands my needs; hell, if it weren't for her discipline and guidance I would have ended up either dead or in jail.

"Things are fine. I was calling to see if you were free for lunch this afternoon, say one o'clock at the club?" I ask, keeping my voice neutral.

"I would love to. I've been meaning to get in touch with you anyway; it's been a while since we last sat down. I have a few business matters regarding the new salon that I would like your opinion on, plus I know Kendall's contract will be up in a few more weeks and, well,. I know in the beginning things were rocky. I have a few candidates in mind for the position. I can bring their information if you're interested?"

"No, Elena, that won't be necessary. I'll see you at one." I end the call, instantly regretting the decision to involve Elena. I already know what she's going to say but I think hearing it from her is the only way I will be able to rid myself of this obsession with Ms. Steele.

Lunch with Elena will not be quick and it most certainly will not be painless as soon as she hears that I am thinking of pursuing a vanilla relationship. She is going to hand me my ass on a silver platter, just like old times.

**The club maitre d'** escorts me to the private dining room Andrea arranged for our lunch. I've arrived fifteen minutes early but of course Elena was already seated and perusing the wine list as I walked through the door. I lean down to give her a peck on the cheek before taking my seat across the table. "Hello, Elena," I greet her.

"Christian, it's been far too long," she replies, still not looking up from the wine menu. "Bollinger or Remoissenet?" she asks, raising a brow. It's a test - Elena may be a lot of things but indecisive isn't one of them. On the surface it's about the wine but I know Elena well enough to know that if she is giving up control it's because she wants to see if I will take it, after all these years I still find myself submitting to her will.

"Bollinger," I reply looking to the waiter, "We'll also have an order of calamari and two Chicken Waldorf salads." He gives me a quick nod and turns to fill our order. A slow smile creeps across Elena's face and it lets me know that I passed with fucking flying colors.

"So," she begins, reaching for her black Hermes Berkin bag, "here are the specs on my top choices for the new space. They all meet my criteria as far as dimension and layout are concerned, but I would love your opinion as to whether they're worth the asking price."

"Certainly, I'll look into it and have the information to you tomorrow afternoon. Was there anything else?"

"From a business standpoint, no, but I wanted to ask, will you be attending the Coping Together Carnival at Bellevue on Saturday?"

"Yes," I groan. Just then the waiter enters with our wine and calamari. "My mother is insisting I work a booth. I offered to donate as much money as necessary to ensure the children enjoy themselves but of course Grace isn't hearing any of it." I smile as I recall my mother's exact words, "She said, and I quote, 'Christian the check was a given. Your presence is non-negotiable.'" I finish, taking a sip of my wine.

At this Elena busts into laughter. It takes her a moment before she composes herself, "Oh, Christian, are you sure Grace isn't a Domme?"

I scowl at the image. "Please, Elena, we're eating."

"Ok," she sighs, trying to hold back another chuckle. "Moving on, Kendall is due for another appointment at Esclava. Shall I go ahead and have Franco put her down for Friday?" she asks with a curious expression.

"Well," I reply, unsure of where to begin, "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've met someone; her name is Anastasia."

Just then the waiter enters with our entrées. Elena remains quiet, only lifting her fork to spear the calamari with more force than necessary.

As the man leaves, I continue, "She came into GEH to interview for Ros's executive assistant position."

Elena finally breaks her silence and asks in a deceptively soft voice, "Is she in the lifestyle?"

"Not that I know of," I answer truthfully.

"Oh, so you are you planning on training her?"

"No, well, that would be ideal but she doesn't appear to be very submissive."

"You're not planning on dating this girl, are you, Christian?"

"I don't know. I can't get her out of my head. I see her everywhere I look and I can't focus. She's all I can think about; it's very unsettling. I'm not sure what to do. Kendall is as close the closest thing to a perfect submissive as I've ever had but Ana is… she's… more," I struggle to fine the words to describe my feelings.

"And what? Did you come here today to ask for my advice?" I nod. "Well, I know what you _think _I'm going to say and I know what you _want_ me to say but unfortunately neither of those options is going to help." She bites. She's on a roll now.

"And what options are those?" I ask, sitting up a little straighter.

"You _want_ me to tell you to go for it. Follow your heart; all that 'love conquers all' bullshit. I hate to break it to you, honey, but love doesn't exist for people like us and I won't sit here and let you delude yourself into thinking it does." She pauses briefly before continuing, " you _thought_ that I would sit here and tell you that a few playroom sessions with Kendall will make you will forget all about this _Anastasia _but we both know that isn't true."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"My advice to you is simple, you need to get past this infatuation of yours, soon. Get it out of your system. Turn on the Grey charm and pull out all the stops. Take this girl back to your penthouse in the clouds, seduce her. and fuck her, hard. Fuck her until she can't move and then fuck her again. Fuck her as many times as it takes for you to realize that you, _Master Grey_, will never. Be. Satisfied. With just a _ fuck_. You need to control; you need someone to be tied to that big four poster bed and for them to be completely at your mercy. You, Christian, are a Dominant." She stands from her chair and throws her napkin on the table, "and that will never change." She picks up her bag and strides towards the door before turning to add, "I'll put Kendall down for Friday at three," and without another word, she's gone.

* * *

**Two days**. It's been two days since my embarrassing interview at GEH and my even more embarrassing drunken afternoon with Kate. After suffering huge lapses in memory and nursing a hangover well into the evening on Tuesday, I promised myself I would never get that drunk again. The last thing I remember is Christian making me eat a banana, and then waking up sick several times throughout the night.

I spent most of the day Tuesday on the couch preparing for my interview with Seattle Independent Publishing. SIP is my top choice. I would be happy with any job, but SIP is where I want to be. It i's the smallest of the three publishing companies in Seattle. I fell in love with them because of their unconventional business motto and quirky roster of local authors. I can picture myself working alongside a local farmer who pens his memoirs during the off seasons or a Seattle artist exploring new means of expression. In short, working at SIP would be a dream come true.

I arrive at their downtown office building late in the afternoon. While I sit in the main lobby waiting for a Mr. Jack Hyde to call me in for the interview, my mind wanders, thinking back to Monday. Try as I might, I can't get Christian out of my head. I know it's crazy to think that a man like him would ever be interested in a girl like me, but when we touched, I saw fireworks.

I have never felt anything even close to this for anyone before, but I am not so sure Christian is right for me. He's rich and powerful and handsome but none of those things interests me. What draws me to him, the very thing I have dreamt about since Monday, is the sadness in his eyes. He presents himself as this cold, controlling CEO but I can see past the façade, right into his heart. He is dark and intense and all consuming and I'm not sure I want that in my life right now.

"Ms. Steele?" A deep voice pulls me from my thoughts. I look up to see a man in his early thirties wearing a pale blue shirt and stone chinos. His red hair is pulled back into a ponytail and he is assessing me with his deep blue eyes.

"Yes. Mr. Hyde?" I say standing and extending my hand.

"Yes, nice to meet you," he replies gripping my hand in a firm shake. "Please, follow me."

**Forty-five minutes later,** I leave the SIP offices with a renewed since of self-confidence. I nailed the interview and even though they said they would be in touch by the end of the week, I feel confident that I will be the newest member of their publishing team.

As I wait for the bus, I hear my cell phone ping.

***so… how'd it go?* ~xo Malibu Barb ox~**

***NAILED IT! ***** xxA**

***I knew you would! wan****na celebrate?* ~xo Malibu Barb ox~**

***How about we just have a quite dinner in. I don't think my body is ready for alcohol consumption* xxA**

***Deal but only if you make some of your mac and cheese;)* ~xo Malibu Barb ox~**

***I think I can arrange that ;)* xxA**

***awesome! Laters ;)* ~xo Malibu Barb ox~**

Before going home I swing past the market and pick up the ingredients to make a meatloaf to go along with the mac and cheese. It's not the fanciest, but it sure is tasty. I head home and change into a pair of black yoga pants and a white tee shirt before making my way to the kitchen with my ipod.

Putting the music on shuffle, I fill a pot of water to boil the macaroni. Rihanna's _S&M_ comes on and I laugh as I recall the conversation I had with Kendall before she left for Portland. Swaying my hips side to side I singing along with the song while I prepare the meatloaf mixture. _"__Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it. Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it. Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." _ I turn to grab a can of tomato sauce and notice a movement in my peripheral vision. I look up, mortified to find Kate, Elliot and Christian all standing there watching me, amused. _I'm going to kill her…_

* * *

**A/N Thank you Ordlas for being an awesome Beta Reader, and THANK YOU READERS for your favorites/follows/reviews. It truly does mean a lot.**


	9. Chapter 9- Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

**"I tried calling** but you didn't answer the phone," Kate explains with a smile as I pull out my ear buds. "I called Elliot after you texted me. We were supposed to go out to eat but I wanted to stay in and celebrate with you." She cocks her head towards her boyfriend, shrugging, "He kind of invited himself."

I feel my skin heating up and I'm sure my face is the same color as the can of tomato sauce I'm holding. "Okay…" I drag out the 'o', looking to Christian. He looks like he just stepped out of the pages of _GQ. _He's wearing black jeans that appear to be tailored to his exact measurements, and a black t-shirt that shows off every muscle in his chest. His copper colored hair is slightly damp and his eyes are shining, no doubt amused by the impromptu performance he walked in on. _What the hell is he doing here!_

"Oh, right!" Kate says as if reading my mind, "Elliot invited Christian to tag along when I told him what you were making for dinner. Apparently Mr. Moneybags has a weakness for macaroni and cheese."

Christian grimaces slightly at Kate's nickname then holds up an expensive looking bottle of white wine. "This is for you. Thank you for having us; I hope it's not too much trouble," his years of ingrained manners beating out his irritation with my best friend.

"No, not at all, there's plenty of food and it's just me and Kate. Our roommate, Jose, is in Portland until Friday with our friend, Kendall. He's working on his debut art show while she visits with family," I ramble on nervously.

"I see," Christian tenses and some unnamed emotion flashes in his eyes.

"Ok. Now that that's out of the way," Elliot interrupts, breaking the tension, "Ana, how 'bout you teach us some of those moves." I blush furiously and Kate smacks him in the arm. "All right, no dancing, but would you mind if Kate and I borrowed the whips and chains tonight? I got some moves of my own I want to try out," Elliot says with a grin.

"Come on, Elliot, I need to go change," Kate says with mock irritation, pulling him towards her room, effectively leaving me with my grey-eyed tormenter.

Christian seems to relax a little now that we're alone. He slowly walks to where I'm standing and grins, "Hey."

"Hey, yourself," I say returning to my meatloaf. After a few moments, I decide to clear the air, "Look, I just want to apologize for anything I might have done or said on Monday," I begin. "I don't normally drink that much and I am so sorry for ruining your hiking trip with Elliot. I just wanted to forget," I give my head a small shake, "Mission accomplished."

"You don't remember?" He asks angrily. _Geez he goes from zero to sixty in no time at all._

"Uh. No not really. The last thing I remember is you making me eat a banana," I confess.

He watches me closely as I form the meatloaf with my hands. "That's it?" He snorts. "That's all you remember?"

"This conversation would go a lot smoother if you just tell me what it is that I'm forgetting," I say slightly annoyed at his anger.

"No, this conversation would go a lot smoother if had you taken better care of yourself," he sneers.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're just a_ little_ bit domineering."

The corner of his mouth pulls up in a lazy grin, "Baby, you have no idea." _Uh oh Déjà__ vu._

Suddenly the memory comes flooding in and I turn to him, narrowing my gaze. "You didn't!" I ask incredulously. "YOU SPANKED ME?" I shriek, throwing a dish towel at him. Before he has a chance to respond, another memory shines through with amazing clarity, replacing my anger with extreme mortification; he found the dildo. Letting out a deep groan, my shoulders slump and I give my head a quick shake, willing myself to forget.

"Hey," he says pulling at the hem of my shirt, "What's wrong? You can't be this upset about me spanking you. Hell, it was more of a tap than an actual spank anyway."

"No," I murmur, finally finding the strength to meet his gaze, "I'm this upset about what happened after that."

Sighing, he runs his fingers through his hair, "Look, Anastasia, I'm sorry if the kiss offended you…"

"Wait, we kissed?" _Now I'm really confused._

"Technically, yes, but you started vomiting seconds after our lips touched… if I were a lesser man I might have felt selfconscious that my kissing you is what set off your gag reflex," he jokes. "If the kiss isn't what's bothering you, then…" Suddenly his eyes light up as if he's had an epiphany, "Ohhhhh, that."

Closing my eyes I slowly nod my head, willing the ground to open up and swallow me whole. "Listen," he starts, gently bumping my shoulder, "Don't worry about it. I think it's going to take a lot more than a pink plastic dick and vomit to get rid of me."

Not wanting to dwell on the dildo or the fact that Christian is apparently as effected by me as I am by him, I quickly change the subject, "So mac and cheese, huh."

"Yup. The… The woman who gave birth to me…It's one of only a handful of positive memories I have of…" he struggles to find the words.

"I get it." I nod. Not wanting to push the obviously sensitive issue any further, I decide to change the subject, "Do you want to learn how to make it?"

His answering grin pushes the last bit of awkwardness from between us and I begin the arduous task of teaching Christian Grey how to make macaroni and cheese.

* * *

**Having lunch** with Elena was the best decision I've made since Anastasia came tumbling into my life. She gave me the focus I so desperately needed. She gave me a goal to work towards and as expected, a swift kick in the ass. She was right, of course, I want Ana and no matter how many times I fuck Kendall that's not going to change. My only worry is that one fuck won't be enough. I am drawn to this girl, like a moth to a flame. It's not just her exceptional beauty, but her fiery sprit that I am attracted to, she is the first person in my life to look at me and see the real me.

"It would appear as though we've been abandoned," Anastasia comments, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Oh don't worry, if I know my brother, he'll be back as soon as he starts to smell food," I tell her as I add the last of the shredded cheese to the béchamel sauce. _At least that was our deal._

"In that case, he and Kate really are a match made in heaven. She always disappears when I start cooking and then like magic, reappears just in time to set the table," Ana comments, giggling, and I am instantly mesmerize by the sweet sound. "Umm. Christian," Ana laughs, snapping me out of my daze. "The sauce."

"Shit," I grab a towel to clean the cheese sauce that has now bubbled over the pan onto the stovetop. "I'm glad you think this is so amusing, Ms. Steele," I tease.

"I'm sorry... It's just… like… poetic justice," she says, struggling to gain her composure.

"How is this," I gesture to the spill, "poetic justice?"

"Well, Mr. Grey, you are like, master of the universe," she waves her hand around the room for emphasis, "master of Seattle at the very least. You run a multi-billion dollar cooperation and it's as if everything you touch turns to gold, yet you can't do something as simple as make macaroni and cheese."

I scowl at her.

"Not to worry, Christian, your secret is safe with me," she pauses for a moment before adding, "Although I must admit, I think it's very endearing."

"That I can't feed myself?" _The irony is not lost on me._

"No, that even you, the great Christian Grey, isn't perfect. There's hope for the rest of us after all," she finishes with a smile before continuing to chop vegetables.

"FUCK!" I yell, as flames quickly engulf the towel I was using to clean the mess off the stove. "Ouch." Dropping the towel to the ground, I stomp out the flames. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

The smoke detector wails loudly and Anastasia doubles over in laughter. Kate and Elliot come rushing into the kitchen to see what all the commotion is about. Realizing what just happened, they start laughing too.

"I'm glad everyone thinks this is so fucking funny. I could have burned down the entire building," I reprimand.

"Why the fuck were you so close to an open flame in the first place? We came here for dinner, not food poisoning." Elliot quips.

"Fuck off Elliot," I retort, trying to stay angry.

"He was actually doing a good job," Ana defends me, "Well until he set the towel on fire. I think I can take it from here, though, baby." She freezes as she realizes what she just said. Kate and Elliot exchange a knowing glance and discreetly make their way into the great room. "Christian, I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."

"Shh," I whisper as I tuck a stray hair behind her ear, "I like the way that sounds coming from your lips, probably a little too much."

Her eyes dilate as she bites down on her bottom lip. "This is weird, right? I mean it's definitely weird; this whole thing. We've only just met."

I can't focus on what she is saying, all I can focus on is her plump bottom lip ensnared between her teeth. I gently pull it free, rubbing my thumb back and forth over her bottom lip. _This is just a fuck. It's just a fuck. _I silently chant, lost in her too big blue eyes. "Good weird," I murmur as I lean in, dying to taste her lips, her intoxicating strawberry scent clouding my judgment.

"Christian," Elliot barrels into the kitchen, killing the moment, "the game's on…Oh, sorry. I just. Uh. The Mariners are... I'll just leave." _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Ana blushes an adorable shade of pink before moving her head out of my grasp. "Go," she nods in the direction of the living room. I'll finish up in here."

With a slight tilt of my head, I shove my fists in my pockets and head towards the great room.

* * *

**With dinner** finally done, Kate and I set the table. "So you want to tell me what the hell that was about?" Kate eyes me with suspicion. "What the hell happened on Monday that has you calling Christian Grey, baby?"

"It's nothing, Kate, he brought me home and took care of me when I was sick. I guess we sort of bonded over the toilet bowl."

"Bullshit, Steele. I see the way he was looking at you, it's actually kind of creepy."

"It's nothing, Kate."

"Ana. I know you better than you know yourself, this is not nothing."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," I huff.

"How about the truth."

"He brought me home, we may or may not have kissed, and then I spent the rest of the night praying to the porcelain gods."

"What! Ana," she squeals jumping up and down. "Brothers! We're dating brothers. Wait till Jose finds out."

"NO! Christian and I are not _dating _it was barely a peck and I don't even remember it happening. This stays between me and you."

"What? Why?"

"Because I didn't even want you to know. If you tell Jose, he'll tell Kendall and then the three of you will blow this whole thing even further out of proportion than you already have and I don't even know how I feel about him yet. I don't think I could bear having all three of you breathing down my neck."

" I get it, we are a lot, but if you're going to date _Seattle's Most Eligible Bachelor, _it's going to be a hard secret to keep."

"OK, first, WE ARE NOT DATING!" I shout, "And second, when and if the time is right, I will tell them. He's just so intense and while I can see myself getting lost in him, I'm not so sure I can handle it. I like being little Ana Steele, book nerd. It's like he wants to possess me and what's scary is that after only knowing him for two days, part of me wants to let him."

"Fine. I get it. I won't say anything but you know I don't like keeping secrets. I make my living trying to uncover what dirty little secrets people try to hide, and if there's one thing I know, it's that secrets always have a way of coming out and biting you in the ass."

"Thanks, Kate," I say, giving her a small hug.

"Is dinner ready yet?" Elliot asks walking into the dining room, rubbing his stomach. "We're hungry."

"Dinner is served," I give a slight curtsey.

Just then Christian walks in with the bottle of wine he brought earlier. "I can't find a cork screw," he shrugs.

"I'll get it," Kate says, taking the wine and heading to the kitchen.

"Wine with meatloaf and mac and cheese?" I ask raising an eyebrow at him.

"Wine goes with everything," he grins as I contort my face with a sour expression. "You're just not drinking the right stuff, sit," and with that he pulls out my chair.

Dinner conversation remains light. "Ana, this mac and cheese is really good," Elliot compliments.

"It rivals Mrs. Jones's," Christian adds.

"Who's Mrs. Jones?" Kate and I say in unison.

"Christian's housekeeper. She's an amazing cook," Elliot says with his mouth full. _Oh, it's ok when he does it. "_Oh, Chris. Did mom call you about Saturday?"

"What's Saturday?" Kate asks, always digging for information.

"The Coping Together Summer Carnival," Christian groans.

"It's a charity that our mother works with," Elliot elaborates, "They have different events throughout the summer to raise money for children with addicted parents. We already had the gala and now next up is the carnival. It's on Saturday and this year our mother has demanded that we each work a booth."

"That sounds like fun," I say with a smile as I imagine Christian as a carnie.

"Hey, why don't you guys join us? Bring Jose and Kendall along too, he can take pictures and Kendall can help Mia out with concessions," Elliot suggests.

"We'd love to!" I squeal. "They'll be back from Portland tomorrow and I'll ask Jose about it. Kendall is usually tied up on the weekends so I'm not sure if she'll be able to make it."

Christian shifts in his chair uncomfortably before turning to me, "You'd give up your Saturday for this?"

"Of course. I can't even pretend to know what these kids have been through but if I can help them forget, even just for the afternoon then I would give up every Saturday for a month," I reply earnestly.

Christian studies me for a moment then gives me a small smile, "In that case, what time should I pick you up?"

After dinner, Kate and Elliot retire to Kate's room. "Are you sure you don't need any help with the dishes?" Christian asks as I walk him to the door.

"No. I got it but thank you for offering."

He pauses for a moment, looking like he doesn't want to leave, "Thank you for dinner. It was amazing."

I blush, waiting, hoping to feel his lips against mine. _Kiss me. _I silently beg.

"Ok then. I'll see you Saturday. Sleep well, sweet Ana," he gently caresses my cheek with his finger tips and then he turns to leave.

Shutting the door behind him, I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. _Get it together, Steele. _I head back to the kitchen to start on the dishes when I hear a small knock on the door. Smiling to myself I go back to answer it and there stands Christian Grey leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets. "I forgot to ask you something," he says with a lazy grin. "Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? No Kate. No Elliot. Just you and me."

Nodding emphatically, I reply, "It would be my pleasure."

"Ok, then. Goodnight." He stands up straight and heads for the elevators once more.

Resting my head on the door I smile to myself. _Christian Grey just asked me out! _It takes everything I have to push myself off the door and go back to my chores. I'm on cloud nine when I hear yet another knock. "What now?" I smile, opening the door.

"Just one more thing," He stalks toward me, lifts me up into his arms and wraps my legs around his waist. Pushing my back against the wall he slowly brings his mouth to mine. Our lips meet and the spark that has always been between us intensifies. I run my fingers through his hair as he kisses me, slowly, gently exploring my mouth with his tongue. I have never been kissed so passionately, so ardently, and then, just as suddenly he leans back, looking deeply into my eyes, "What are you doing to me?"

"Well, right now," I bite my lip, "I'm kissing you." With that, I move my lips back to his, causing him to groan into my mouth before peppering my lips with tiny kisses.

"Tomorrow," he says, finally setting my on my feet. _How can one word hold so much promise?_

* * *

**_A/N Thank you Ordlas for all your help with this chapter, and the you for all your reviews/follows/favorites. _**


	10. Chapter 10- Fifty's First Date

**Sunlight comes** flooding through the curtains and for once I wake up before my alarm sounds. I spent hours tossing and turning and when I finally fell asleep, I dreamt only of Christian and our kiss. The kiss more than made up for our less than stellar first attempt. That kiss, that man, has awakened something in me that lay dormant for the first twenty-one years of my existence.

I'd always thought of dating as an abstract concept. One day I'd meet the right man and one day I'd fall in love but I never imagined that day would come so soon. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be going on a date with Christian Grey, beautiful billionaire.

I'm not delusional enough to think one dinner is going to lead to happily ever after but I do know that for the first time, I am ready to put myself out there and explore the possibility. Christian may or may not be "the one", but he is my new beginning. He can make me feel more alive with one look than anyone else has ever made me feel before.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _Smiling to myself I reach over to turn off the alarm. I have one last interview scheduled with Pacific Publishing, this morning at ten. Although I nailed my interview with SIP, nothing is set in stone and I have student loans to repay. Yawning, I roll out of bed and head towards the kitchen to make some tea.

"Good morning," I grin to Kate and Elliot, who are already dressed and sipping coffee.

"Here you go, babe," Kate says, handing me a cup of hot water and a tea bag.

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver," I smile.

"You're awfully smiley today, Ana," Elliot teases and I feel my cheeks heat.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I say trying to stifle yet another grin.

Before he gets a chance to retort, his phone starts to ring, only it's not an actual ring. "Is that… No, tell me it isn't..." I say, struggling not to laugh. "Why do you have _The Imperial March_ from _Star Wars _as your ringer?"

"It's Christian," Elliot snorts. "It's the only song I could think of cheerful enough to match his disposition. I almost went for the theme song to _Jaws _but that shark wouldn't stand a chance against Vader. Vader's a badass." Elliot explains before answering, "Yes, oh Dark Lord… Hold on. Anakin would like a word with you, Queen Amidala of Naboo." Elliot bows, handing me the phone.

"Hello," I chuckle.

"Ignore whatever lies my brother is spewing, none of it's true," Christian jokes.

"Someone's in a good mood," I reply taking my tea into the great room. _I think I like playful Christian. _

"I have a date tonight," he answers matter of factly.

"Oh really, she must be hot."

"You have no idea."

"So… to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?" I ask, sipping my tea.

"I just wanted to confirm our dinner plans for this evening," he asks nervously.

"I have to double check my schedule, but I think I should be able to squeeze you in."

"I'll make it worth your while," he whispers in husky voice.

"Promises, promises," I reply, surprised at how seductive I sound.

"Challenging as ever, Ms. Steele."

"Would you have me any other way, Mr. Grey?"

He pauses for a moment, "No. No, I suppose I wouldn't."

"Well in that case, until later."

"Until laters, baby," he pauses.

I bite down on my lip, trying to suppress my giggle, "Hang up."

"No, you hang up," and I can hear the amusement in his voice.

"No, you hang up."

"I'll hang up," Elliot says grabbing the phone out of my hand. "Goodbye, Christian," he says into the phone before hanging up on his brother. "What?" I scowl at him. "I have to go to work," he defends, holding up his hands.

**After my** interview I swing past Victoria's Secret and pick up a few new bra and panty sets. I'm not sure what Christian has in store for us tonight and I am definitely not sure if I'm ready for him to see me in my new undergarments just yet but if last night's kiss was any indication of how tonight will play out, I want to be prepared.

My phone pings, rousing me from my thoughts and I have a new text message from a number I don't recognize. I open the message to find it's from Christian.

***I can't stop thinking about you. I got your number from Elliot, I hope that's ok.* -CTG**

***it's more than ok ;) *- xxA**

*** Good. I will pick you up at 6* - CTG**

*** a little early for dinner, isn't it? are you trying to catch the early bird special*-xxA**

***No, I just want as much time with you as possible.* -CTG**

***what should I wear?* -xxA**

***whatever you want, I figured we could stay in. I don't want to share you with anyone tonight. ;)"*-CTG**

***that sounds like a wonderful idea ****. * - xxA**

***Laters Baby*-CTG**

I put my phone away shakily; even via text the man oozes sex. It's a good thing I got new panties.

**It's a quarte**r to six and Kate is putting the finishing touches on my hair and makeup. "You don't think it's too much? We aren't even leaving the building," I point out, looking in the mirror. Kate has somehow managed to tame my unruly brown hair and has it pulled back into a messy bun. It's one of those buns that look effortless and chic at the same time. She kept my make up light, using bronzer and highlighting powder to make my skin look as if it's glowing. She finishes with a light layer of mascara on my top and bottom lashes, then adds a bit of nude gloss.

"No babe, it's perfect. Mr. Moneybags won't know what hit him," she complements, handing me the gloss. "Don't forget to reapply after you eat."

"Yes ma'am," I salute.

"Whatever, smart ass," Kate jokes, rolling her eyes, "get dressed."

"Aye Aye, Captain," I tease, standing to walk into her bedroom. Kate has picked out what she deems the perfect night-in outfit. Light washed denim cut-off shorts, that are way shorter than any pair of shorts I own, and a grey oversized t-shirt, one of those ones that hangs off your shoulder.

Once I'm dressed I have to admit, I look pretty hot. "Damn, Steele, your legs are sick. Christian is not going to know what hit him," Kate comments. Just then there's a knock at the door. "Wait! Here put one of these in your pocket, just in case."

I look down to see what it is that she's handing me and I am mortified, "KATE! What am I supposed to do with this?" I hiss, holding up the foil packet.

"Really, Ana?" Kate arches her brow.

"I _know _what it's for but why are you giving it to me?"

"Because, Elliot says Christian never dates. I doubt he has them lying around his penthouse and you need to protect yourself," she says heading into the great room to answer the door.

I shove the condom in my pocket and run to catch up, "How do you know we're even going to have sex? It's just dinner!"

"Oh, don't play dumb, Steele, I saw the Victoria's Secret bags and I saw the way he was looking at you last night. If it weren't for me and Elliot, he probably would have fucked you right there on the dining room table."

I roll my eyes and she pulls me in for a hug. "I'm so happy for you Ana," she sobs.

"Geez, Kate, relax! It's one date, we're not getting married."

"I know, but you deserve the best, and let's face it, Christian can give you that. I don't think you understand just how big this is, he doesn't date _ANYBODY_, and he's dating you. Christian Grey doesn't do impulsive, and you have never so much as looked twice at any other guy before. Even if you are both too stubborn to realize it, this is a big fucking deal," Kate says, giving me one more quick squeeze. "And don't forget to use your condom," and with that she opens the door and pushes me out.

* * *

**I arrive** at Ana and Kate's apartment just before six. Tapping lightly on the door, I wait for Ana to come out. I haven't been able to think of anything but this moment all day. I even re-read her resume and background checks in preparation for dinner. I've decided that as soon as Kendall comes back from Portland I am going to end her contract. It was never a choice between Anastasia and Kendall, it was a choice between the monster that I am and the man that I should be.

Elena thinks that I won't be happy in a vanilla relationship, but I can't deny this thing between me and Anastasia any longer. She has affected me in a way that no other woman has and although I don't know how I will function in a normal relationships, I am willing to try. Who knows, maybe she will be into some of my kinky shit and I can have the best of both worlds. Either way, I know if I am going to pursue this any further, Kendall can no longer be a part of the equation. I choose Ana. I choose my light

Wondering what is taking so long, I lift my hand to knock again, just then the door swings open and my Ana comes tumbling through. Holding out my arms, I catch her before she hits the ground. "You sure as hell know how to greet a man, Ms. Steele. Your either falling through doors or shaking your little ass," I smirk. "I can't decide which one I prefer."

"Fuck off," she snaps, fixing herself.

"Watch it, Anastasia," I growl.

"Or else?" she replies dryly. _Oh so that's how you want to play it._

"Or else," I slowly stalk towards her, backing her against the door I grab her wrists and hold them above her head. She bites down on her bottom lip as I run my nose down the side of her cheek, taking in her intoxicating strawberry scent as I go. With my other hand I hook her leg around my waist and slowly rub small circles on her thigh. Bringing my mouth to hers I gently suck on her bottom lip, extracting it from her teeth. I give it a small bite before planting a feather soft kiss on her lips, then I release her, and head towards the elevator.

"You don't play fair," she says, trying to catch her breath.

"I never said that I would," I quip as the elevator doors open and we silently board the car.

A song I've never heard of is humming softly in the background and Ana is standing next to me lost in her own little world. "Hey," I say tilting her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. "Don't over think this, let's just let whatever happens tonight happen."

She nods slightly and her eyes glaze over. The electricity between us intensified by our confined quarters. "Stop it Anastasia," I breathe huskily.

"Stop what?" She questions looking up at me with those big innocent blue eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that. Like you want nothing more than for me to throw you up against the wall and fuck you right here."

"Nice, Grey," she snorts, "real romantic."

The elevator pings, signaling our arrival at my penthouse. We step off and suddenly I am nervous for Ana to be here. She doesn't strike me as the type to be impressed by my wealth; in fact, it's almost as if she likes me in spite of it. "You have a very lovely home Christian," She says as we step out of the foyer into the apartment.

"Thank you," I nod, leading her to the kitchen. "Would you like a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having."

I open the refrigerator and grab a bottle of white wine and the cheese plate Mrs. Jones prepared for us earlier. I gave her the night off, opting instead to order pizza, in an effort to make Anastasia feel more at ease. "I hope you're ok with pizza," I say uncorking the wine, "I gave my housekeeper the night off and you saw first hand how competent I am in the kitchen last night."

"Pizza it is then," she giggles, reaching for her wine.

"God, I love that sound," I say, more to myself than her. I laid awake all night hearing that giggle, smelling her sweet scent and I jerked off three times, reliving that damn kiss.

"What sound?" Ana's voice brings me back to the here and now.

"Your giggle. Come," I say taking the wine and the cheese plate and walk towards the TV room. I planned for this date to be as normal as possible. I had Taylor stop by a Redbox and pick up a variety of DVD's for us to watch while we eat and get to know one another.

"What would you like to see first, _The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Taken 2, _or _Here Comes the Boom_?" I ask holding up the movies.

"Would you think less of me if I said _Here Comes the Boom_?" she answers with a grin.

"No, but I thought for sure a bibliophile such as yourself would say _Wallflower."_

"I read the book and I thought it was breathtaking. I have no desire to have my opinion marred by a poorly adapted film version. Movies almost never live up to the books, so I'd rather laugh at Kevin James getting his ass handed to him than spend two hours dissecting everything I don't like about _Wallflower."_

"Fair point, well made, Ms. Steele," I say, putting the movie into the DVD player, before taking my seat next to Ana on the couch. Once I'm seated she snuggles into my side, pulling her legs underneath herself, tucking one hand under her chin and locking the other one with mine. _Snuggling on the couch, another first._

The movie starts and Anastasia and I settle in to a comfortable silence. She watches the movie and I watch her; I study every single movement she makes, big and small. I study the way her face lights up just before she laughs, the way she flinches when Kevin James takes a punch, the way her bottom lip quivers when they discover that all the money is missing. "Why are you staring at me?" she asks, catching me red handed.

"Because you're beautiful," I answer honestly, resting my forehead against hers; with Ana nothing else matters, not Kendall nor the 15 women before her, not Elena's opinion, not even my own. She's all I want. "These are really short," I comment playing with the hem of her shorts. "If we were going anywhere else tonight, I would have had to make you change," I say, kissing her nose.

"Make me, huh," she replies huskily, angling her mouth up to meet mine, he lips inches from my own.

"Yes, make you," I whisper before pulling her in for a kiss. The kiss starts slowly, methodically as I gently massage her tongue with my own.

Tugging on my hair, she lets out a soft moan, and our slow sweet kiss transforms into something more sensual, more erotic. Before I know it, I have Ana flipped on her back, hands pinned above her head and I am grinding my erection into her core.

I explore her body with my free hand squeezing her perky breasts, before continuing further down. "Christian," she moans.

"Hmm," I mumble against her neck.

"I-I wait."

"What's wrong, baby?" I say unbuttoning the top button of her shorts.

"I have to tell you something."

"Anything," I breathe.

"I'm… I'm a virgin," I'm stunned. I can't form a coherent thought. A virgin? "Say something Christian. Please, don't just say nothing."

"What?!" I ask incredulously. _A fucking virgin? _

"I still want to… I mean I'm not saying no I just thought…"

"A FUCKING VIRGIN?" I yell, standing up, pacing back and forth.

"I.. umm.. is this a problem? I thought guys liked virgins?" she asks, sitting up.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" _She wants me to be her first. She doesn't know what kind of monster I am. _

"Why the fuck is it such a big deal? And when exactly should I have told you? During my job interview?" She says buttoning her shorts. "Or maybe when I was throwing up all night. Oh I know, how about last night at dinner with Kate and your fucking brother? I'm telling you now."

"I can't be with a fucking virgin, Anastasia," I say, running my fingers through my hair. _I can't. I'd ruin her. She's too good. She deserves better__._

"Wait a goddamn minute," She says, walking right up to me, forcing me to look at her, "You're going to walk away from this, from me because I _don't _ screw around?"

I remain quite, lost in my thoughts._ Am I? Can I even be gentle? Can I even be the man she needs?_

"Fuck you, Christian. I don't even know why I bothered."

"Me either, I'm not the hearts and flowers type, this was just supposed to be a fuck," I lie coolly, desperately trying to hold onto my resolve. I want nothing more than to take her to my bed and rob her of her virginity, use her for my pleasure but what happens when I inevitably get bored? What happens when I break her heart? I throw her away like the rest. It's what I've always done. It's who I am but for the first time in my life, I care more about her feelings than I do my own. "Maybe you should just leave." _Please don't go. _

She freezes, shocked. "I can't believe this. I'm such an idiot," she says as she turns to leave; it takes all my self control not to chase her. From my spot in the TV room I hear the elevator ping and the sound drops me to my knees. There goes my light. There goes my more. There goes my Ana.

* * *

**A/N Thank You Ordlas for Beta'ing. Thanks Marpuri for suggestion Elliot's ringtone. Thank YOU for you're faves/follows/reviews. **


	11. Chapter 11- The Sub Special

**Fuck Christian Grey,** I think to myself as I stand under the steady stream of hot water cascading from the shower head. Fuck him right in his self righteous 'I don't do hearts and flowers' ass. Last night was one of the worse nights of my life. I put myself out there for the first time and I got burnt. I really thought he was different and that together we had something special, one of those connections that you read about in classic novels. I thought he was my Mr. Darcy, but instead he ended up being my Mr. Wickham.

I don't know who I'm more angry with, him or with myself. I am smarter than this. I should have known better. A billionaire playboy living in a secluded penthouse in the clouds, how could I expect anything less. He wanted a fuck, not some virginal young girl fresh out of college looking for love. I guess I should be thankful that he booted me out before he swiped my V Card and not after.

"Ana," Jose yells from outside the door, "hurry your ass up or I'll come in there and drag your behind to Esclava in your birthday suit!" He and Kendall arrived back from Portland around noon and they could immediately tell something was wrong. Thankfully, Kate left for work early enough that I didn't have to endure the Kavanaugh Inquisition, but I couldn't fool Jose. I blamed my mood on the fact that I was waiting to hear from SIP, and knowing how badly I want that job, he seemed to buy my excuse.

Kendall had a spa appointment at three o'clock that afternoon and she thought it would lift my spirits if we all went and got pampered together. I tried my best to get out of it. I am not in the mood to spend the entire day pretending to be happy when all I really want to do is go back upstairs and give that rich bastard a piece of my mind. Jose, however, wouldn't take no for an answer which is why I am now rushing to get ready for fear of being dragged around Pike Place Market in the nude.

**Esclava is not** your average neighborhood beauty parlor. It is yet another reminder that I'm not in Kansas anymore. It's only a few blocks from our apartment, in the more exclusive section of Pike Place. This place obviously caters to a higher end clientele and I am left wondering how the hell I got talked into this.

The interior is all white and leather, from the walls to the reception desk and salon chairs. Everything is clean and modern. A young blonde woman dressed in, you guessed it, all white, greets us as we walk in, "Hi, Kendall, Mrs. Lincoln will be with you in a few minutes, but I can have Emily start on your wax first," the woman says. It's more of a statement than an actual question.

"Oh, Greta that won't be necessary. I'd like to reschedule the wax for next Wednesday," Kendall blushes.

"Oh, umm, let me check with Mrs. Lincoln." Greta turns and walks towards the back of the salon floor. She knocks on what I assume is an office door and peeks her head inside.

"Why does she have to check?" I ask bewildered. Kendall looks at me as if she's trying to convey some sort of unspoken message but I'm not sure what.

"Damn this place is swanky," Jose comments, snapping a picture, oblivious to me and Kendall. "I'll be right back. I want to get a few shots from outside. The architecture in the area is sick. I don't know why we've never come this far down before."

Jose leaves and I turn to Kendall, "So why do you need executive approval to cancel a bikini wax?" I ask, raising my brow.

"Because, Ana, this," Kendall says, waving her arm around the room, "is all a part of my contract, _THE CONTRACT,_" she emphasizes.

Realization dawns on me and my jaw hits the floor. "He even controls this?" I ask gesturing up and down her body. "Kendall, won't you be in trouble if you change something?" Worry courses thru my body as I imagine my friend shackled and beaten for something as inconsequential as a Brazilian wax.

"Relax, Ana, you can't have sex for like ten hours after you get waxed. My appointments are normally scheduled mid week but I was out of town," she explains. "Trust me, my Master would be more pissed if he had to wait, then if I have a little stubble," she whispers, giggling. "Plus, well, you know… it's not like I wouldn't enjoy it."

"Gross. Just the image I needed."

"Oh, Ana, you seriously need to get laid."

"Couldn't agree more," Jose interrupts, stuffing his Nikon back into his pocket.

Greta comes back up towards the reception desk followed by a stunning older blonde woman. She is dressed in all black and it's a stark contrast to the rest of the salon. Suddenly I feel uneasy as she approaches Kendall with an almost predatory look in her eyes.

"Kendall, dear, how was Portland?" She asks, in a sickeningly sweet voice. Jose and I exchange a look as Kendall tells the woman about her trip.

"Oh, Elena, these are my friends, Ana and Jose," Kendall introduces us. "Ana and Jose, this is Elena Lincoln. She owns this salon and a few others just like it. When I'm lucky, she's the one who tames my hair but if she can't, her Franco can work miracles too."

"Nice to meet you," Jose and I mumble. I don't know what it is about this woman that just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the fact that this is the salon that Kendall's, boyfriend/master/dominant sends her to and this woman obviously knows at least enough to approve a cancelled wax, or maybe it's the way she looks at Kendall as though she were an object rather than a person. Whatever it is, Kendall seems to be blissfully unaware so I decide to keep my mouth shut, for now.

"Greta, dear," Elena purrs, "Would you see if Franco and Nicole are available for Kendall's friends? We can start on the hair, and then send them in for Swedish massages before styling."

"Yes, ma'am," Greta nods then turns to us, "please have a seat. Can I offer you something to drink while you wait?"

"No, thank you."

"I'm fine, thanks."

Greta returns to the reception desk and Jose and I take our seats. Pulling my arm, Jose whispers, "Is it just me or does Cruella creep you the fuck out?"

I giggle, "OMG, I KNOW! I wasn't going to say anything because Kendall seems to think this is all perfectly normal." I shake my head in astonishment. "It really is a nice salon, aside from the creepy woman working on Kendall's hair, that is."

"Amen. I wonder how she affords this so often," Jose questions. "I've been to her parents' home and while it's nice, they seem to be middle class. I know she can't make that much working in that boutique."

"Umm," I shift uncomfortably, knowing exactly who foots the bill, "I don't know. I mean we all splurge on something. You find a way to buy all your camera equipment and trust me, my unhealthy obsession with books doesn't come cheap," I rationalize, hoping he accepts my reasoning and moves on.

"I guess you're right," he shrugs, looking like he wants to say more. After another moment of comfortable silence, a small dark-skinned man approaches us. He is in the standard all white uniform with a clean shaven head. "Ciao Bella," he greets me, in what's most likely a fake Italian accent. Standing, I take his hand and he leans down for a kiss. I like him instantly. He leads me back on to the salon floor and I turn to Jose and mouth, 'he's a cutie.' Jose scowls at me then bursts into laughter.

**Two hours later** and we are all plucked and polished and ready for the weekend. Jose and Kendall head out the door, while I say goodbye to Franco. "Thank you so much, Franco. I don't think my hair has ever looked better," I gush.

"Please, mia bella ragazza, you already had all the raw materials, I just polished them up for you," he says, giving me a kiss on each cheek.

As I go to leave, I am stopped by Mrs. Lincoln. "Ana, dear could you give me a minute?" she asks.

"Sure," I say feeling anything but sure.

"I just wanted to give you this," she hands me a sleek-looking black business card. "If you need anything, anything at all don't hesitate to call. I've lived in Seattle all my life so I know a lot of very important people, people who could take good care of a girl like you. " She finishes, shoving the card in my hand. Just as quickly as she appeared, she's gone. _Holy shit. She thinks I'm submissive, she thinks I'm like Kendall._

"What was that about?" Jose eye's me suspiciously.

"Nothing," I lie, "She gave me her card - I think shes' just trying to promote her business," _Or pimp me out to the highest bidder. _

"Oh, crap! It's almost five," Kendall exclaims."Would you guys mind if I get ready at your house, I don't want to be late."

"Yea, it's no problem, Ken," I say as I feel my phone vibrate, "Hello?"

"Hi, may I speak with Anastasia Steele?" it's a woman but I can't place the voice.

"This is she."

"Hello, Ms. Steele, this is Elizabeth Morgan, I'm with SIP. I was calling to see if you were still interested in the assistant editor position?"

I freeze, stunned, "I got the job?" I ask.

"Yes, ma'am," Ms. Morgan says amused.

"I got the job!" I squeal jumping up and down. "Thank you, Ms. Morgan. Thank you so much."

"No need to thank me, you blew Jack away with your interview. Your official starting day will be Monday, nine A.M. When you get to our offices give the receptionist my name and I'll get you all set up."

"Yes, ma'am." I nod, even though she can't see me.

"And congratulations again, Anastasia. I look forward to working with you."

"Thank you," I hang up and grin at my friends. "You are looking at the newest assistant editor at Seattle Independent Publishing."

"Congratulations, sweetie," Jose says, picking me up and swinging me around.

"Yay! Ana, that's so awesome," Kendall adds, jumping around.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Jose asks, putting me down.

"What?" I reply.

"It means we're going out tonight. Drinks on you since you've got a hotshot new job and all."

"No fair! Can't you guys wait until Sunday?" Kendall pouts, crossing her arms.

"Sorry, babe, I can't show up to my first day of work with a hangover."

"Whatever," she grumbles, "It is pretty fucking awesome," and with that we head back to the apartment.

* * *

**It's five-forty five** and I am anxiously awaiting Kendall's arrival. I desperately need a distraction and I've spent the entire day planning the perfect scene. This time last night I was ready to terminate her contract to pursue Anastasia freely. It's funny what a difference a day makes. I want Ana, of that there is no doubt, but I can't bear the thought of hurting her. I was foolish to think that I could have a nice and normal relationship, when there isn't anything nice and normal about me. What I do, why I do it, isn't nice and normal, and to drag Ana into all my shit, steal her virginity, and jeopardize her friendship with Kendall is wrong. Elena was right, I am a Dominant; I need control. The one time I let my guard down I nearly ruined a young girl for life. I won't make the same mistake twice.

The elevator pings and Kendall comes walking into the great room. She has always been beautiful, but seeing her now, comparing her to Ana, she looks almost plain. "Master," she greets, demurely, head down.

"Put your things away and change into the clothes that I have laid out on your bed. Once you've changed come back to the kitchen and get started on dinner," I command, as I feel myself slipping into Dom mode.

"Yes, Sir."

Kendall returns a few moments later, wearing a pink lace babydoll halter, with her hair pulled up into a high ponytail. She heads into the kitchen and she quietly begins to prepare dinner. I stand, fighting the urge to rip her clothes off and fuck her on the breakfast bar, and instead head to my office. "Let me know when it's ready," I call over my shoulder.

I try my best to concentrate, but I am bombarded with images of Ana's big blue eyes and pink pouty lips. This girl has haunted my every thought since she fell into my office. Her leaving was by far one of the worse experiences I've had in my adult life. My only hope is that burying myself deep inside of Kendall will dull the pain enough for me to move on, to let her move on.

I don't know how long I sit, staring at my computer screen before I can't take it anymore. Standing, I head toward the kitchen with a new determination. I am Christian motherfucking Grey. I do not sit and wallow. I don't do hearts and flowers, I fuck hard.

Kendall is closing the oven door just as I walk up behind her; grabbing her by her ponytail I push her into the breakfast bar, her back to my front. Dragging my hand roughly up her thigh, I give her ass a firm slap before ripping off her lace thong. I sink two fingers inside of her and pump furiously. She's soaked. Each stroke, driving her closer and closer to the edge, _oh no you don't. _Slowly I remove my fingers from her core and pull her head back until it's resting on my shoulder. Inserting the two fingers in her mouth I command, "Suck," and she obeys moaning. I bury my face in her neck, and I freeze as she continues to work my fingers inside of her mouth. "What are you wearing?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"Umm, I'm not sure what you mean, Sir."

"That scent." _Strawberries. Ana smells like strawberries._

"Oh. I… I left the salon later than expected so I showered at my friend's house. It… it's her body wash. If it offends you I can take another shower," she stutters.

Taking several steps back, I say, "No. I…can't do this." I stutter, running my hands through my hair. "This…this is over."

"What? Master, please, I'm sorry about the soap. I didn't realize it would be such a big deal," she begs.

"It's not the fucking soap, Kendall. Look, this was fun while it lasted but it's over now. Take whatever you want from your room. Let Taylor know when you're ready, he can see you out," I snap, heading towards the elevator.

"PLEASE. MASTER, DON'T DO THIS!" Kendall sobs, but I can't be bothered to comfort her, I need to find Anastasia. I need to make this right.

**I head straight** down to Ana's apartment and knock on the door. _No answer._ I must see Ana tonight. If she forgives me I will be whatever she needs me to be. I can be good, for her, if that's what it takes. Pulling out my Blackberry, I try her cell. _No answer. _"Fuck!" I yell pounding on the door.

I contemplate breaking the damn thing down when my phone rings. It's Elliot; I almost let it go to voicemail before I realize he might be with Ana.

"Elliot, are you with Kate? Where's Ana?" I ask, keeping my voice even.

"Yea, we're having dinner at that sports bar in town, Fifty's. Hold on," I hear him say something to someone on the other end before the background noise quiets down, "Christian, you still there?"

"I'm here, I'm on my way."

"Good. Dude, too bad I can't say the same for you. you need to get your ass down here now. Some prick has his fucking hands all over your girl. Kate won't let me say anything because she says that you fucked up and Ana deserves to have fun."

"What?" I growl into the phone. "So help me God, Elliot, if you let that bastard leave with her, I'll kill him and you."

"Chill, Bro, you know I wouldn't let that happen, but you need to hurry the fuck up," he says, hanging up the phone.

I race to the garage, arriving just as Taylor finishes loading Kendall's car. I go to her, sighing, "Look, I never meant to hurt you, but you knew what this was from the beginning," I rationalize, running my fingers through my hair. "I never led you to believe otherwise so please don't let this affect you. Go home, get some rest, and you'll wake up with a new perspective on the whole thing," I say softly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

"You're right, you never led me on but I couldn't help it, I fell in love with you," she sobs.

_Fuck._"Kendall, you can't love me. I'm not good for you. Can't you see this," I motion between us, "this is toxic. You need someone who can love you for you, and I need someone who forces me to be a better man."

"There's someone else, isn't there?"

Fuck. I'm not sure how to answer this. _Yes, I'm in love with your best friend after only knowing her for four days. Don't worry, I didn't fuck her. _"Kendall," I sigh.

"You fucking bastard. I can't believe this," something in her changes, gone is the demure little submissive I've known these past few months. "Fuck you, Christian, I hope whoever this bitch is, she breaks your heart just like you've broken mine." She gets into her car, slamming the door.

"Taylor, make sure she gets home safely," I say to my right hand man before heading back to my own car.

**Fifty's is just** like every other cliché sports bar in town. It's loud and obnoxious and I can't wait to leave. As soon as I walk in, Elliot spots me. "What the fuck took you so long?" he reprimands.

"I just had some loose ends to tie up. I'm here now, where is she?"

"She's right over there," he points to the other end of the long oak bar. I spot her instantly; even in a crowded room, she shines. She is sitting there with her long chestnut hair cascading behind her. Her head is tilted back in laughter and her hand rests demurely on the arm of some boy band reject.

"Who the fuck is she talking to?"

"Some douche Katie works with, David or Daniel or some shit. She's been trying to set them up for a while now but Ana wasn't into it, until last night," Elliot says narrowing his eyes at me.

Before I can defend myself, a tall Hispanic man, walks up to us, "Hey El, make sure the girls get home ok. I'm going to go check on Kenny, she just called me, she sounded devastated. She wouldn't say what was wrong but I… Oh hey, says, turning to me, "Christian right? Elliot said you were coming. I'm Jose, Kate's roommate."

"Christian, nice to meet you," I greet extending my hand. _Good, Kendall doesn't need to be alone right now and this way I can have Ana to myself._

"You too. I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer, but maybe I'll see you tomorrow at the carnival. It sounds like a blast…" He continues.

I can't focus on what he's saying, all I can see is that fucker's hand move to Anastasia's knee. "Umm. Sure.. Excuse me for a minute." I stalk towards where they're sitting at the bar, making my way through the Friday evening crowd, trying desperately not to lose control. His hand inches further up her leg and I see red. I pick up my pace but something forces me back. I turn to see my brother's hand, firmly placed on my arm. "Elliot, if you want to keep your hand I suggest you remove it from my fucking arm," I growl through clenched teeth.

"Whoa, relax, Christian! What are you going to do, go pee on her leg? Better yet, why don't you go kick that guys ass? I can see the headlines now 'Billionaire Bar Brawl.' Bet mom and dad would love that," he sneers. "You think acting like a dick is going to fix this?"

I take a deep breath, raking my fingers through my hair, "What should I do? What would you do if that was Kate?" _I can't believe I'm asking him for advice._

"I'd go over there and introduce myself. Be charming and funny and make her remember why she chose me in the first place," he reasons. _He's right, barging over there and dragging her out by her hair probably wouldn't score me any points. _

I am almost calm enough to make a rational decision, when I see the bastard lean in and give her a peck on the cheek. _ FUCK THAT. She can be pissed at me all she wants. _I pull free from Elliot's grip and I storm over to where they're sitting, "Well, don't you two look cozy."

Ana looks up, startled, "Christian? What… Where did… How?"

"Can we help you with something?" _Oh, so the dickhead thinks they're a we?_

I glare at him, fighting the urge to knock every single tooth out of his fucking mouth.

"Ana, I'm sorry. Christian, you should go," Elliot says, appearing behind me. Kate is standing next to him, arms crossed over her chest, shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

"No problem," I reply coolly. I grab Ana by the hand, pulling her to her feet and drag her towards the door. She's too stunned to put up a fight until we are half way to the exit.

"Wait a fucking minute!" she yells, planting her feet. "You must have lost your mind if you think I'm going anywhere with you."

"Anastasia," pulling her into my arms, I bend down, inches from her ear and growl, "I don't give a fuck how pissed you are at me right now, I'm not leaving this shithole without you."

"Last I checked, you weren't my father," she seethes, pulling out of my grasp. "You're not my boyfriend, hell we're not even friends." Her hands find her hips. "You are unbelievable, you know that?! You don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me either. Why are you so against me getting laid?"

"You weren't seriously going to fuck that guy," I say, pointing my thumb towards the bar. "He looks like Justin Bieber."

"Maybe I'm still am," she threatens, crossing her arms and again I am blinded by rage. Without thinking I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder-_Me Tarzan, You Jane- _and carry her outside kicking and screaming.

"PUT ME DOWN!"

"Christian, what the fuck, dude," Elliot questions, chasing behind us. "You're causing a scene."

"Put her down asshole," Kate shouts, barreling towards me. Elliot wraps his arms around her, halting her advance, "No, Elliot, he's acting like a total douche bag. Do you know what he said to her?" Kate spits. "If he wasn't holding me back I'd kick your ass all over this parking lot."

Kate and I stare each other down for what feels like eternity, our battle of wills broken only by the sound of Elliot's booming laughter. The ridiculousness of this situation hits me and I slowly place Ana on her feet. Running my fingers through my hair, I struggle to apologize for my actions. "Look, Ana, I'm sorry, for… everything. Can we just start over?" I ask, sincerely.

"Start over?" Start over?! she screams. "Fuck you Christian! You're a fucking dick. I don't know what I ever saw in you, you goat fucking bastard!"She turns to her friend, "Kate, can we please get the fuck out of here?"

"With pleasure." And for the second time in two days, I watch Ana walk away

"That's quite a mouth for a virgin, eh, Bro?" Elliott chuckles. I look at him, stunned and pissed.

"What? Women tell each other everything, Christian, and Kate unloaded on me." As I watch them get in a cab, he puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a little shake. "Cheer up little brother, I'll help you get her back."

_I'm fucked._

* * *

**A/N- Thank you Ordlas for being awesome and knowing exactly what I'm trying to say even when I don't. Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews. I know I haven't respond to everyone from chapter 10 yet but I wanted to get this out ASAP. **

**xx**

**E**


	12. Chapter 12- Coping Together pt 1

_**Smack!** "You've been a very bad girl, Anastasia," Christian says as his hand connects with my behind. I am leaning over the desk in his office wearing an indecently short plaid skirt and a white oxford blouse that is tied around my navel. My hair is in pigtails high on the sides of my head. Smack! "I think it's time you've learned your lesson." _

"_No please, Sir, I'm sorry, it won't happen again. Please just stop."_

"_You want me to stop, Anastasia?" Smack! "Did you stop when I asked you to? No, you kept on walking right out the door." Smack! "Besides, I think you're enjoying this more than you're letting on."_

"_No, I'm not. I'm not submissive…Mhmm… Please, Christian."_

_SMACK! "Please what, Anastasia?"_

"_Please…" I cry out as his hand comes down hard on my ass once more. _

"_Shh. Baby, don't worry. I'll take care of you, always." He coos, rubbing small circles over my sore behind. "See? I told you that you would like this." Slowly his fingers inch down and slip into my soaking folds and he rhythmically pumps them in and out, out and in, in and out until the pain from my spanking mixed with the sensation he creates with his fingers drives me closer and closer to the edge._

"_Please, Sir. Faster, mhm, harder." I moan, pushing back, grinding against his hand._

"_Oh no you don't, Anastasia. You'll come when I say it's ok," he commands..._

**"Oh. No you** don't Anastasia... Ana… Earth to Ana, WAKE UP," Elliot yells, snapping me out of my dream. _Ho-ly Fuck that was hot. _

"No. Go away," I groan, turning my back to him. "It's too early. It's a Saturday for crying out loud and it's only," I pause, looking at the clock on the nightstand, "Seven A.M."

"Rise and motherfucking shine, princess. You promised you would come today so get your butt up and get ready," he reprimands. "I don't care if you and my brother avoid each other all day, this is about the children, so get your ass in gear. We're leaving in thirty minutes." He throws a neon green t-shirt, similar to the one he's wearing, on my bed and turns and walks out of my room.

Sitting up, I pick up the shirt and inspect it. Written on the front in a white font resembling a child's handwriting are the words _Coping Together Annual Carnival_; the back of the shirt reads _Volunteer. _I stand shakily, still reeling from my erotic dream, and head towards the bathroom. The mixture of yesterday's visit to the submissive salon, my showdown with Christian, and alcohol really did a number on my head. What's more annoying is the fact that despite all the fucked up shit he said to me Thursday night, I still find myself attracted to him. I have a feeling this carnival is a train wreck waiting to happen.

**After a quick **shower I head back to my room and throw on the too short shorts from Thursday, my chucks, and the volunteer shirt. Once I'm dressed I head out to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea. Kate and Elliot are seated at the breakfast bar, arguing over something. "I'm up, are you happy now?" I tease, and Elliot sticks his tongue out at me._ It's hard to believe that he grew up in the same house as Mr. I Don't Fuck Virgins. _

"Ana, you don't have to go if you don't want to," Kate says to me before fixing her glare on Elliot.

"Yes she does, babe, I already told Mom that I had four more volunteers, and now with Jose and Kendall out I can't show up with just you, no offense," he adds giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Jose and Kendall don't have to go?" I groan.

"Jose called while you were in the shower, he said she's still in pretty bad shape so they're just going to hang out at her place, watch movies, and ugly cry," Kate explains.

"I think she needs to get out. Being around the kids, watching their little faces light up might do her some good, and if that won't take her mind off of that asshole I doubt watching chick flicks with Jose will," I argue.

"Ana, you've never had your heart broken, so you don't understand. It's not that simple," Kate counters. "I don't even think _you_ should go today. Christian is a dick, _no offence_," she shoots to Elliot, "and after last night I don't want you anywhere near him. He's bat shit crazy and more than a little possessive. I mean he picked you up and carried you out of the bar. Who does shit like that?"

"Cut him some slack," Elliot interjects, "He never dates. I didn't even think he was interested in women until about a month ago. He just doesn't know how to interact with people outside of the business world. Anger is pretty much the only emotion he knows how to express, anything else he just shuts down. He's like that with everyone, everyone but Mia," I give him a puzzled look, _who the fuck is Mia? "_Our sister," Elliot clarifies. "Just give him another chance. I know he cares about you - he just has a shit way of showing it."

"Look, I know he's your brother but he fucked up, big time, and it will take a hell of a lot more than some half-assed apology for me to even think about starting over with him," I state.

"I get it," Elliot nods, "and just so you know, as half—assed as his apology may have been, I don't think I've heard him utter the words, 'I'm sorry' to anyone, _ever_."

"We should probably get going," I shrug, taking one last sip of my tea before we head out the door.

**Bellevue is** buzzing with activity. There are trucks coming and going up the long driveway, workers are setting up rides and booths and tents while handlers are wrangling animals into a makeshift pen. "You guys do this every year?" I ask in astonishment, as Elliot parks his Rover on the side of the house.

"Yep," Elliot answers, "We have a few smaller events and outings throughout the year but the summer carnival is always the biggest, and most elaborate."

"Sounds like you guys do a lot of good," Kate replies, looking at Elliot lovingly.

"Yea, Coping Together grants scholarships to the older kids as well as providing rehab for the parents. We also help with medical expenses and housing costs. It's a cause that's really close to all our hearts, mom especially."

Elliot leads us around the house and into one of the side doors to the kitchen. "I can't believe you grew up here," I say, looking around in awe. His childhood home is as grand as anything I've ever seen on _MTV Cribs. _"This place is incredible. I bet you had a lot of fun living here when you were little."

Before Elliot has a chance to respond a gorgeous brunette interrupts, "We sure did! Isn't that right, big brother?"

"Damn skippy," Elliot says, wrapping his arms around his sister.

"Is this her?" The raven haired bombshell asks, looking in my direction. I flush, averting her gaze.

"Oh yea, Mia, you remember my girl Kate, this is her roommate…" Elliot begins

"Anastasia." Simultaneously we turn our heads to see Christian walking through the door, looking as beautiful as ever. He's wearing the compulsory lime green shirt, cargo shorts, and a pair of aviators resting on the top of his head. _What a shame he's such an ass. _He fixes his gaze on me as he enters, as if I am the only other person in the room. Walking right up to me he sighs, "I'm glad you came." His fists clench at his sides and he looks as if he's fighting the urge to touch me.

"Oh, you were right El, he's got it bad. I didn't think I would ever see the day," Mia giggles.

Christian turns, scowling at his sister, "Mia, have I told you how happy I am that you're back from Paris?"

"Once or twice," Mia counters, "Why don't you introduce me to your girlfriend?"

"I am _not_ his girlfriend," I say, stunned. Christian shoots daggers in my direction. "Hi. I'm Ana," I extend my hand, ignoring his steely glare, "Kate's roommate, pleased to meet you." Mia smirks, looking from me to her brother then back to me and declares, "Oh I think I like you already."

Christian opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a sudden flurry of activity in the hallway. An older woman with sandy hair enters the kitchen followed by a dozen or so other volunteers. "Oh good, you're all here," she states, as she floats over to where we are standing, somehow managing to make the god-awful lime green t-shirt look elegant and sophisticated.

"Is this her?" The woman asks as she gets closer.

"Umm hmm," Mia chirps smugly

"Jesus, do you people have nothing better to talk about?' Christian snaps, rolling his eyes. _Oh so you're allowed to do it but I'm not._

"Christian," the woman warns.

"Hi, I'm Ana, Kate's roommate," I introduce myself, breaking the tension.

"Oh, where are my manners? I'm Grace, mother to these three knuckleheads," she smiles lovingly at her children. "I'm sorry for our behavior; it's just that when we first heard Christian had a girlfriend we were all a little shocked."

"Oh no, I'm not..." I begin to explain but she cuts me off.

"I mean he's _NEVER _dated anyone, _EVER," _she emphasizes. "I see now he was just holding out for someone special," her eyes soften and she pulls me in for a hug. While in her embrace she whispers, "I know he can be a bit of an ass but it's because he had a rough start in life, it's how he copes. He's going to test your patience, heck he used to test mine hourly, but stick with him, he'll make you feel more anger than you've ever thought humanly possible, but he'll also love you more profoundly than any other man ever could." She steps back, giving me a wink, and I know deep down she's right. Her son brings out the most extreme emotions in me and, try as I might, I can't get him out of my head.

"Ok, let's get this show on the road," Elliot's voice booms, breaking me from my thoughts. The room suddenly quiets down and Grace begins by thanking everyone for volunteering their time to help such a worthwhile cause. As she runs down the itinerary for the day, I feel myself being gently pulled backwards. Before I know it, I am resting firmly against Christian's body and he hooks his thumbs through the front belt loops of my shorts.

"I'm glad you came," he whispers, while his mother continues to outline the day.

"I'm here for the kids, not for you," I murmur, trying to discreetly pry his thumbs from my shorts. "And why does everyone think I'm your girlfriend? We went on one date, which ended when you gave my virginal ass the boot," I remind him, bitterly.

"Stop squirming," his voice low, sexy, and commanding. "It doesn't matter why you're here, just that you are." He rests his chin on the side of my neck and inhales deeply, "God, you smell amazing, like strawberries and Ana. It's intoxicating, no one else compares." _Fuck why does he have to be so damn sexy? Get it together, Steele, nothing has changed since Thursday._

"Look, Christian," I hiss, pushing him away from me, _fuck being discrete. _"You had your chance, and you blew it. Find some other girl to mind fuck because I'm done playing your games."

He looks at me, determination washing over his face. Pulling me back against him, he wraps his arms around my shoulders, growling, "You. Are. Mine. You can be pissed at me all you want, but you can't deny your attraction, I can smell your arousal from here. You want me. I want you. I've apologized, why can't we just move the fuck on?"

_Oh he's an even bigger asshole than I thought. _I force my elbow into his side with as much force as I can manage in our current position. He grunts, momentarily loosening his grip on me and I slip out of his arms, turning to mouth, "fuck you" before taking my place on the opposite side of Kate and Mia.

Grace finishes up her welcome speech and hands the floor over to Elliot to announce booth assignments. _Great, like I don't know where this is going. I refuse to be stuck in a booth all day with that rat bastard._

"…Ok so next up is the batting cages, me and you little brother." Elliot says with a smirk. _Whew! Dodged a bullet there. _I look over at Christian and he's mad, really mad._ Looks like Elliot is team Ana, sorry dickhead. _"Dunk tank, that's going to be Jake and Ana," I glance around the room, trying to find the person Elliot paired me with and a good looking man, appearing to be in his late twenties, early thirties, smiles and gives me a wink. I look back to Christian and he is positively livid; his jaw clenches and his fists are balled at his sides.

"If I didn't call your name, that means you're in concessions with Mia, so hang back in the kitchen and she'll give further direction. Everyone else, follow me out to the grounds and we can get everything set up before the buses arrive," Elliot finishes.

Everyone begins to pair off and out of the corner of my eye I notice Christian pull Elliot aside. I can't make out what they're saying but Christian looks pissed. _Serves you right. _I say my goodbyes to Kate and then head out the back door.

Once outside I begin searching for Jake. I start walking in the direction of the dunk tank when I hear someone call out my name. "Ana? Ana is that you?" I stop, turning towards the voice. I freeze upon seeing the halo of blonde hair walking in my direction - _Cruella! "_Ana darling, what a pleasant surprise," Elena says to me with a wicked gleam in her eyes."I didn't know you were involved with Coping Together. Is Kendal here as well?" She asks amused.

"Uh. No, she couldn't make it," I answer, feeling uneasy. "And this is my first time volunteering with the organization, my roommate… " I begin, feeling the need to explain my presence.

"Elena, there you are," Grace interrupts, walking towards us. _Thank God! _"Oh, I see you met Christian's girlfriend, Anastasia."

Elena's eyes widen, momentarily stunned. "Ana_stasia?" _She repeats, emphasizes the last syllable of my name.

"Yes, well everyone calls me Ana," I clarify.

"And she's dating Christian?"

"Yes, and they make the cutest couple," Grace coos. "You should see him with her, he's quite smitten. He was hugging her and whispering in her ear throughout my entire welcome speech." I flush, mortified that Grace was watching us.

"Well isn't that wonderful," Elena says smiling, although it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Oh look, there's Jake," Grace says pointing behind me. "We'll leave you to it, Ana. If you need anything just let me know. Have fun and thanks again for helping. Let's go Elena, I'll get you all set up at the ticket booth."

With one last knowing look, Elena turns and walks back toward the front of the lawn with Grace. Shuddering, I take a deep breath and go meet the person I will be spending the next few hours with. "Jake, right?" I ask extending my hand.

"You got it, pretty lady, and you must be Ana, although I think you should change your name to Angel, because you are a godsend."

"Umm… okay," I mutter, not sure how to respond.

"Did it hurt?" he asks.

"Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven." _This day just keeps getting better and better._

**An hour** and six come-ons later, Jake and I have the tank filled and we've received a condensed lesson on operating the booth. "Alright," the man that helped us set up the tank claps, "you guys are all set, anymore questions before I leave you to it?"

"Nope, it all seems pretty simple," I say.

"Yea, dude, this pretty lady right here has it all under control," Jake says wrapping his arm around my shoulder. The tank operator shakes his head, shooting me an apologetic look before turning to leave. "So, Ana," Jake begins

"What is it?" I sigh, exacerbated, shrugging his arm off me.

"What's your last name?"

"Steele," I sigh, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Oh really, I thought it was Campbell cause your mmm mmm good," he replies licking his lips.

"Jake, it's not going to happen, _ever, _so just please give it a rest already."

He grins

"Ok.. Uh, you need to get in position, the kids will be arriving any minute now," I say, willing myself to wake up from this nightmare.

Jake walks around the back of the booth and climbs up into the seat just as Kate approaches, "How's it going over here?" she asks.

I roll my eyes but before I have a chance to speak, Jake butts in, "Are you a parking ticket?"

"Excuse me?" Kate looks at Jake likes he's got two heads.

"Wait for it," I whisper to my friend. "Wait for it."

"Cause you got FINE written all. Over. You!"

_Get him, Kavanaugh!_

"Ana, what the fuck is his problem?" Kate fumes, pointing her thumb at Jake.

"Fuck if I know. He's been at it all morning."

"Aw baby, don't be like that. Not when you're wearing those space pants," Jake rebuts.

"Space pants?" Kate and I ask in unison.

"Cause her ass is outta this world," He grins, pleased with himself.

"What did you just say to me?" _Oh yes, Kate, please rip him a new one._

"Whoa Whoa! Calm down pretty lady, I meant no disrespect. I was just complimenting your fine body of work." _He really doesn't know when to quit, does he?_

Kate's fuming now. Poor Jakey doesn't stand a chance. "Fuck you, asshole," Kate yells, hitting the dunk button with all her might. The last thing Jake sees before splashing into the water is one Ms. Katherine Kavanaugh's perfectly polished middle finger. "Let's go Ana, we need to get you a new booth assignment.

* * *

**"You said** she wouldn't last thirty minutes with him," I remind my brother, fuming. "It's been a fucking hour. I still don't get why you just didn't put us together in the first fucking place."

"I told you already, Chris, she definitely wouldn't go for being assigned to the same booth as you, I had to make it so you were her last resort." Elliot explains loading up the ball machine. "You know as well as I do, Jake is going to piss her off eventually and when he does she'll have to come to me to be reassigned. He's so slimy, she'll be begging to work with you, anything to get away from him," he smirks, pleased with his plan.

I have to admit, it is genius, but it's taking way too long to take effect. Before I can voice my opinions, Kate comes barreling towards us dragging Ana behind her. "Elliot, you _have _to give Ana a new booth assignment! Do you know how sleazy that Jake guy is?" Kate demands.

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asks, playing dumb. "This is his first year helping with the carnival." _But we've known him our whole lives. _

"Well, he's a dick. Ana can't be stuck with him all day; can't you move someone else over to the dunk tank and reassign Ana?" Kate pushes.

"Well, everyone is already trained on their booths. There's no time to retrain anyone else before the children arrive," Elliot lies, coolly.

"Babe," Kate says fluttering her lashes, "There's got to be something you can do."

"Well, I worked the dunk tank last year. I guess Ana can switch with me and work the batting cages with Christian. It isn't hard; all she has to do is keep refilling the ball machine, Christian can handle everything else." _Fuck, my brother is a sneaky bastard._

"Good, then it's settled!" Kate claps looking back at Ana, who looks pissed, no doubt working out Elliot's plan. "Well, Ana, it's him or Jake."

"Fine," Ana huffs."But keep your fucking hands to yourself, Grey." Kate and Elliot leave us to it. "You think you're so fucking smart," Ana seethes, crossing her arms under her chest.

"Firstly, watch your mouth and secondly, if it were up to me, you would have been with me from the beginning," I clarify.

"Agreed, because had Elliot assigned us together from the beginning I could have just switched with Kate. I'd much rather work concessions with Mia than be stuck here with you." She pouts.

"Thus, your introduction to Jake," I smirk, arching my brow.

"Whatever," she snorts, throwing her hands up in defeat. "You seriously don't fight fair."

"I already told you baby, I never said that I would," I say pulling her into my arms. "But if it's any consolation I'm sorry you had to put up with Jake," I breathe against her neck.

"Stop calling me baby, and why is your entire family under the impression that I'm your girlfriend?" she asks, annoyed but staying in my arms.

"Elliot has a big mouth; I know they can be a bit much but you'll get use to them."

She frowns, her mind racing a mile a minute, and a little 'V' forms in the center of her forehead; I can't help myself, I lean down and plant a kiss on that spot.

"Christian," she groans, freeing herself from my grasp, "You can't do stuff like that, this isn't going to help dispel the rumor that I'm your girlfriend."

"I'm not trying to dispel it, and basically you are."

"No I. Am. Not." She emphasizes, going to sit on the bench. "Especially not after you deemed me unfuckable Thursday night."

"Language, Anastasia" I warn following her.

"What are you going to do? Spank me again?" She biting down on her lip, desperately avoiding my gaze.

"What?" I ask, causing her to flush a delicious shade of pink. "Do you want me to spank you?"

Burying her head in her hands, she mumbles, "Oh God, please just kill me now."

"You liked it, didn't you? Whips and chains, huh. Here I thought you were just a Rihanna fan," I smirk.

"It's not that… It… I shouldn't even be telling you this. It will probably just encourage you," she stammers.

"You can tell me anything."

_Silence_

"Baby," I say, pulling her to my lap, "Just tell me."

Rolling her eyes, she huffs, "fine, and stop calling me that. Nothing's changed, I still hate your guts. I just...sort of had this dream last night, ok." She tries to stand up but I pull her back down.

"What kind of dream?" I push.

"A sex dream," she whispers, embarrassed. "Don't read anything into it. I'm not letting you off the hook for Thursday, and your behavior last night was ridiculous "she quickly amends.

Grinning, I encourage her to continue. "Did I make an appearance in said dream?" I ask, rubbing my hand up her leg; she's wearing the same shorts she had on Thursday.

"Possibly," she mumbles swatting my hand away.

"Ok, say, hypothetically speaking of course, that I was in said dream, what was I doing?"

"Like I would ever tell you," she rolls her eyes.

"If I am in it, don't I have a right to know?"

"No, I'd say you lost that privileged right around the time you kicked me out of your apartment."

"Ana. I was only trying to do the right thing. I'm bad news, I'm just... bad for you," I struggle. "I was trying not to involve you in my fucked up life but I can't stop thinking about you. You're too good for me and I know I'll somehow manage to ruin you but I'm not strong enough to stay away."

At this she moves to stand up once again but I tighten my arms around her, effectively holding her into place. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"I'm saying it now."

She gazes at me with hooded eyes, chewing away at her bottom lip, internally debating.

"Tell me," I press.

"Hypothetical Christian may or may not have had me bent over his desk, spanking me for being a bad girl." She shakes her head, "I can't believe I just told you that," she narrows her eyes at me, "you have this annoying way of getting me to admit stuff that I never would admit under normal circumstances."

_Fuck me, maybe this will work after all. _I clear my throat, trying desperately to resist the urge to fuck her right here on this bench. "What else did hypothetical Christian do?" I ask, feeling my dick grow harder and harder with her every word.

As she explains her dream to me, in detail, I am hit with the sudden realization that her dream is eerily similar to how I spent my last few hours with Kendall, only instead of my office, she was in my kitchen.

Before I can analyze the situation any further we are interrupted by a deceptively soft voice. A voice I'd know anywhere. The voice of my former Domme. "Christian, Anastasia," Elena greets, "here I thought you were here to teach the children baseball, not sex education."

I turn to look in her direction and she's standing there, arms crossed over her chest, amusement dancing in her eyes as she watches Ana struggle to get out of my arms. "The buses have arrived. The children will be here any minute." She gives us another once over, pausing briefly at the faint outline of my erection through my shorts. "Pity, looks like the real fun was just about to begin." Without another word, she turns and walks back towards the front gates.

* * *

**A/N. Thanks Ordlas for being my beta and for always pushing me to improve. Thank you Netzel for letting me abuse Jake. Thank you Marpuri for being awesome! Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews. **

**Stay tuned for pt. 2, the fun has only just begun!**

**xx**

**E**


	13. Chapter 13- Coping Together Pt 2

**"That woman makes** my skin crawl," I say as I adjust my shorts. Why did I wear these things? I put them on just to spite Christian; I didn't take into account the logistical problems that were sure to arise chasing softballs around all day in daisy dukes.

"How do you know Elena?" Christian asks, brow furrowed, as he comes to stand in front of me.

"I don't really; I met her yesterday at her salon," I explain. "There's just something about her, she seems very calculating and manipulative." I shrug, "I'm sorry, I know she's a family friend."

"You actually aren't too far off in your assessment." he answers truthfully. "You're not as innocent and naïve as you look, are you?" Raising his brow, he rests his palms on my hips, pulling me into his chest.

"I'm a virgin, Christian, not a saint," I answer dryly. "And I would appreciate it if you would stop feeling me up, especially as we're going to be having little customers any minute now."

"Feel you up?" he asks amused.

"Yes," I pout. "You've been doing it all morning."

"So… no groping you while minors are present?" he teases.

"Correct."

"Well we seem to be alone right now. Just you and me and the batting cages," He whispers, moving his hands from my waist to my behind. He gently squeezes my butt before slipping his thumbs up the frayed hem of my shorts. _Why did I put these on?_ "These shorts are very short, Anastasia," he reprimands, massaging my buns, "I thought I told you not to wear them in public."

"That's exactly why I put them on," I breathe, my voice cracking as he slides his thumb lower, until it's resting directly underneath me, in the middle of my sex. Rubbing the digit back and forth, he applies the slightest bit of pressure, eliciting a small moan.

"You're so responsive, baby; you're panties are so fucking damp and I've barely touched you. We're going to have a lot of fun together." His voice, husky, his breath, warm against my neck. Leaning down, he nibbles on my ear, "God you smell so sweet. I can't wait to taste you."

"Christian. Nothing has changed," I try to mount a feeble protest. It's difficult to think clearly with him biting and sucking my earlobe. _Get a grip, Steele. Stay Strong. At least make him sweat it out until lunch time. _

"Everything has changed. Anastasia, you've turned my world upside down." He slips his thumb under my panties, dipping gently inside of me before withdrawing it from my shorts completely. Bringing his hand to his mouth, he parts his beautiful, full lips and sucks off my juices.

My jaw drops and I stare at him in shock. Taking a step back I gasp, "I can't believe you just did that! We're standing out in the open, anyone could have seen."

"First, no one is paying us any attention and secondly I've wanted to taste you since I smelled you in the kitchen this morning. Consider yourself lucky I didn't throw you over my shoulder and carry you up to my old room." _Caveman!_

I purse my lips, unsure of how to respond. No one has ever talked to me like this before and I don't know if I should be turned on or offended. "You can't say stuff like that to me. In spite of what everyone else thinks, I'm not your girlfriend."

"Do you want to be?" he asks earnestly.

_Did Christian Grey just ask me to go steady with him? _"No, thank you," I reply, with indignation.

"No?" He looks at me, stunned. "Why the fuck not?"

"Because you can't just stick your thumb up _there_ and expect me to forget everything that's happened." I throw my hands up in frustration. _It's like I'm dealing with an adolescent._

"Would you prefer I use my tongue?" he jokes, I think.

"No, I wouldn't," I say shaking my head. "You jump from one extreme to the other. One minute you're telling me that I was just supposed to be a fuck and the next you're throwing me over your shoulder carrying me out of a bar because I was _TALKING _to another guy," I scream. "And don't even get me started on your behavior this morning. What I would prefer is for you to just be normal! Ask me out on a real date. I don't know, maybe some flowers would be nice."

"Hearts and flowers?"

I nod.

"It's not something I know…"

I arch my brow at him, _deal or no deal. _

"…but I could try… for you, I can try," he pulls me closer, back into his arms, "Please, Anastasia, just let me try."

Biting down on my lip, I gaze up at him through my lashes. He seems sincere; I want him to try but I don't ever want to feel the way he made me feel on Thursday night, ever again. It worries me how much his actions affect me already. I haven't known him a week but if I'm honest with myself, it doesn't make any difference, he's unnerved me. I'm not the quiet and self-possessed book worm I used to be, I've somehow evolved into this whole new Ana, and I don't like how vulnerable 'new Ana' is. Try as I might to fight it, Christian has a hold over me. A relationship between us could only end in two ways: he could make me ridiculously happy for the rest of my life or he could completely destroy me. I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of. "No," I whisper, not trusting my voice to go any louder than that. I pause for a moment before adding, "but ask me again after lunch."

He smiles, a mega-watt billion dollar whiz-kid smile, "My girl wants to be fed first?"

"I'm not your girl." _For the umpteenth fucking time!_

"Not until lunchtime anyway," he says, smugly. Before I have a chance to come up with a snarky rebuttal, he grabs my face, crashing his mouth onto mine. His kiss is urgent and filled with need. He kisses me as if this one kiss will seal our fate. Like this one kiss will bind me to him forever.

"EWW GROSS!" I hear a tiny voice coming from the entrance of the batting cages, "get a room why don't cha?"

Pulling back out of our embrace, I peek over Christian's shoulders to see who caught us in the act. Standing there, with her fingers intertwined with the makeshift gate, is the most adorable little red-headed girl. She's probably around six or seven years old and she has the brightest green eyes I think I've ever seen. She is wearing a Mariners t-shirt with a matching baseball hat. Coming up behind her is a gaunt woman who looks like she is about my age. She has the same wild red hair as the little girl, but her green eyes are dull and lifeless in comparison.

"Ashley, what did I tell you about running off?" the woman scolds.

"But mooommmm, I had to be the first in line for the batting cages. How am I ever going to make it to the pros if I don't practice?" Ashley whines.

At this her mother rolls her eyes, then helps her daughter through the gate. "Hi," I greet. "Do you want to enter the raffle? The winner gets Mariners tickets," I inform them, watching with glee as the little girl nods emphatically.

"Oh, right," the mother says reaching into her "Coping Together" swag bag and tearing off a ticket from the roll.

She starts to hand it to me but is interrupted by her very anxious little girl, "Give her all of them, mommy, I really, really, really want those tickets."

Sighing, her mother asks, "I think you should spread your tickets out some. What if you see something else you like? We haven't even been to the other booths; you've got all day." She reasons, "Plus I heard they're raffling off an iPod at the Karaoke station, and water park tickets at the dunk tank. "

"But nothing compares to Mariners tickets."

I hear Christian chuckling behind me, no doubt at the little girl's persistence, "Why don't you just give us one ticket for now, and if you still feel the same way after you've made your rounds, you can give us the rest later."

Ashley looks at him, then to me, and back to her mother before huffing, "Fine, but can we at least give them two? I don't want that little shit, Corey, snaking those tickets from right under my nose." She makes a face.

Her mother looks mortified. "I'm so sorry," she apologizes for Ashley's language. "She… umm… while I was away she stayed with my mother… the woman has a mouth like a sailor, probably one of the many reasons, why I'm so fu… messed up."

"It's ok," Christian answers with a tight smile, pain flashing in his eyes for a brief moment. "You want to take a few swings?"

"I'd thought you never ask," she grins.

Ashley's mother steps back behind the gate as I go to turn the ball machine on. Christian hands Ashley a helmet, then a bat before asking if she's ready. She gives him a terse nod before sinking into her stance.

Christian motions for me to turn on the machine and the first ball comes flying out. Ashley pulls back and swings the bat with all her might, narrowly missing the ball. A few seconds later another ball flies out, and again it's a swing and a miss. After three more missed balls Christian motions for me to turn the machine back off.

He takes a moment to adjust her stance, gives her a few pointers, and then turns to me and says, "Ok baby, you can turn the machine on now."

Ashley steps back up to the plate and watches as the ball zooms toward hert. She stays still, letting it whiz past her head.

The second one shoots out and Christian takes a step forward, coaching her, "Alright Ash, wait until the ball is a little over half way." She chokes up on the bat. "That's it," he encourages, inching forward. "Ok NOW," he shouts and Ashley swings the bat, connecting with a ball, only not the one that came flying from the machine.

Christian doubles over in agony and I quickly turn off the ball machine and run over to where he's now writhing on the ground.

"Oh fuck, mister I'm so so so sorry," Ashley says, dropping the bat and kneeling beside him.

Her mother comes barreling around the fence. "Are you ok?" she asks, panicked.

Christian groans, something that resembles the word 'fine' and I can't help the laughter that spills out of my mouth. "Hey Ashley… Why don't… why don't you go check out some of the animals…or ride…rides some rides?" I giggle. "We should be back up and running in about ten," I look over at Christian's lifeless form, "Make that twenty more minutes."

"I really am sorry, dude." Ashley apologizes once more as her mother leads her out the gate and in the direction of the petting zoo.

"Gotta love karma," I smirk, bending down to check if he's still alive.

"I think that alone should earn me a second date," he grunts.

"Nope. I still haven't eaten yet. Now walk it off, we've got more customers."

* * *

**It's been two** hours since 'ball-gate' and it has taken almost as long for me to fully recover. Except for almost being castrated by a six year old, today has been, surprisingly, a lot of fun. I was dreading this day, terrified to spend time being around children with similar stories to my own. I dreaded the memories that seeing their small frames and sad faces might conjure up. I was even more terrified to see the parents. Parents who, unlike my birth mother, were strong enough, who loved their children enough, to seek help.

Ana's presence calms me. Her powder blue eyes pierce my soul. Her kind smile and genuine sincerity helps me to see the bigger picture. It's not about what happened to me. It's about what's happening to these children.

"Mister?" A little brown eyed boy tugs at the hem of my shorts. He can't be any more than three years old. His clothes are old and tattered, his brown hair unkempt.

"How can I help you?" I reply a little more formally than I intend.

He points to the bundle of bats lying nearby. "play ball."

"Uh… Where's your mother?"

He shrugs, walking over to grab a bat and I panic. Aside from Ashley and one or two others, all the kids who have come to the batting cages have been older. I snap my head up searching for Ana, she'll know what to do. She's collecting softballs scattered around the makeshift pen; she meets my gaze and instantly senses my unease.

"What's wrong?" she asks, coming towards me.

I point at our little friend, "I don't know where his mother is. He wants to play, but I think he's too small."

She smiles, looking lovingly at the boy then back at me, "He's definitely too small for the batting cages but maybe you can play catch with him. We've slowed down a lot; I think I can handle it if anyone else comes by."

I look at her unsure, "What about his mother?"

"Well, why don't I run and tell Grace that he's here? That way once she realizes he's gone, she'll know where to look," she reasons.

"NO!" I shout, startling both Ana and the child. "You can't leave me alone with him. I'll call my mother and let her know."

She looks at me, but doesn't argue, instead she turns to the boy and asks, "What's your name?"

"Camwen," he grins. _Back off kid, she's mine._

"Well, Cameron, I'm Ana and this is my friend Christian. Do you want to play ball with us?"

He nods, "Ball,"

"Yes, ball. Catch," she gently tosses the ball to him. _She would be a great mother. _Suddenly, images of Ana, standing barefoot in the kitchen of my apartment flood my mind. Her belly is swollen with my child and her skin is glowing. _What the fuck was that? _Shaking my head, in an effort to rid the images out from my mind, I pull out my blackberry and let my mother know we have Cameron.

We toss the ball back and forth in our triangle a few times before Cameron turns to me, "I gotta pee pee."

Arching my brow at him, I reply, "Hold it."

"Christian," Ana reprimands, "he can't hold it. You have to take him to the restroom."

"I can't take him to go piss," I hiss. "It's like a fucking law."

"Christian, first, watch your mouth," she looks at a squirming Cameron, "and secondly it's not illegal to help him _potty,"_ she emphasizes the word potty. _I'm a grown ass man, I don't say potty, I say piss, deal with it._

I glare at her, then him. He has his legs crossed, looking at me with pleading eyes. "Fuck, come on," I sigh, turning to walk out of the gate.

I stop, realizing he has made no effort to follow. "Uppy me," he says, waving his little arms in the air.

Ana bites her lip, stifling her giggle and I run my fingers through my hair, before stalking back over to him and lifting him in my arms. "_This_deserves a second date." I say, brushing my lips against her forehead.

"Ew," Cameron croons.

"Give it about ten years," I say to the squirming little person in my arms. "I can guarantee you'll have a change of heart. Especially if you get to kiss someone as pretty as Ana," I wink and she blushes, meeting my gaze.

We are lost in each other's eyes, grey to blue, saying more with one look than I've ever been able to out loud. I lean down for another quick kiss, but freeze when I feel something warm on my side. Ana looks at me curiously, and I glance down to find a guilty looking Cameron. "Oopsy. I had an accident."

Realizing what he means by 'accident' I quickly set him on his feet, revealing huge wet spot on my _carnival _ t-shirt. "Fuck!" I shout. "The little fucker just pissed on me."

Anastasia doubles over and laughter while Cameron stands there wailing. "Christian," Ana says once she composes herself, "you made him cry."

"He _pissed _on me," I reply through gritted teeth.

"It was an accident," she grins. "Man, karma is punishing you better than I ever could."

"Fuck off, Anastasia."

"Oh, so I'm Anastasia again, here I thought I was _baby." _ She's really enjoying this far too much.

"Cameron! There you are. You scared me half to death." A blonde woman, in her mid to late thirties comes barreling through the fence, followed closely by an older boy, then my mother.

"Christian, this is Cameron's mother, Jane, and his older brother Travis. They were over at the petting zoo when Jane had to excuse herself. Travis was supposed to keep an eye on this little one here," Grace explains. I scowl at the neglectful woman.

"I'm really sorry, Cam," the older boy says kneeling in front of his brother. "I thought you were right behind me the whole time."

"WET!" Cameron sobs, "I potty my pants," his little face red, and wet with tears.

"Oh," Jane says looking from her son, to the wet spot on my shirt. "I'm so sorry. He hasn't had an accident in months!"

"Oh, it's ok, dear," my mother interjects. "You take care of your baby boy and I'll take care of mine." She gives the woman a wink and smiles as they retreat. Turning back to me she takes in my shirt, and giggles before instructing me to go get cleaned up. "There should be some more volunteer shirts in the den. The second wave of volunteers has arrived so I'll send someone over to relieve you two for lunch."

"Well, thank fuck for that," I snort.

"Christian, you may be a billionaire, but I'm still your mother so will you please watch your mouth?" She turns to Ana, who is biting back another giggle, "If he ever gives you any trouble, just give me a call. I'll set him straight for you."

"Yes, ma'am," Ana agrees a little too quickly.

"All right. I'll send someone over soon," Grace calls over her shoulder to us.

"So," I start, pulling off the wet shirt, "this should definitely earn me a second date."

"I hadn't realized we'd eaten yet."

**Once our replacements **come to relieve us, Ana and I head back towards the main house. I run to the den and grab another shirt before dragging her up to my old bedroom. "Sit," I command, pointing to the bed.

She rolls her eyes but doesn't protest. "You know," she says plopping down on the full size bed, "I would have been fine waiting at the picnic tables with Kate and your brother and sister."

"I know, but I'd rather not let you out of my sight while you're still wearing those damn shorts. As it stands, I already want to knock Jake's fucking teeth out," I answer, stripping down to my boxers. "Plus, I've always wanted to bring a girl up here."

Ana eyes me greedily, her gaze roaming over my body. "Jealous much?" She gulps, her voice betraying her arousal.

"Very much and you'd do well to remember that."

"Christian, you keep forgetting one very important thing."

"What's that?" I ask, standing in between her legs.

"I'm not your girlfriend," she reminds me, leaning back on her elbows.

I smirk, my lopsided, panty busting smirk, "yet." Dropping my boxers, I saunter out of the room pulling the door closed behind me, leaving her to pick her jaw up off the floor.

I am almost to the bathroom when a voice stops me in my tracks. "I almost forgot how nice you're your ass is."

"Elena, what the fuck are you doing up here?" I hiss, moving my hand in front of my semi-erect cock.

"It's not like I haven't been seen it before," she says, eyeing my penis.

"What do you want?" I ask annoyed.

"Well I saw you bringing little Miss Ana up here and I was hoping to catch the show. With those big pouty lips, I'm willing to bet that girl can give one hell of a blowjob," she muses. "Although I wonder how Kendall feels about her Dom banging her best friend." _Fuck. She is not going to let this go. _"Unless the three of you have some sort of arrangement I wasn't aware of? But I thought you were a one submissive kind of guy." She shakes her head in disapproval, placing her hands on her hips.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, Elena, but I terminated Kendall's contract. I can fuck whoever I want."

"I guess I underestimated your precious Ana then. Never in a million years would I have thought she was the type of woman to steal her friend's Dom."

"She didn't steal me and I'm not her Dom," I whisper, uncomfortable discussing my relationship with Kendall while Ana sits right down the hall.

"They don't know about each other, do they?" Elena looks at me incredulously.

I remain silent, my jaw clenching and unclenching over and over.

"The Christian I know wouldn't have to lie for a fuck."

"Watch yourself, Elena; she's not just a fuck."

"The Christian I know isn't interested in anything more than a fuck," she states smugly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well maybe you don't know me as well as you think."

"Ana obviously doesn't either."

I glare at her, "Back the fuck off."

"Fine," she growls, "far be it from me to try to talk some sense into you. Just know, when this whole thing blows up in your pretty fucking face, don't come crying to me." With that she turns on her heel and goes back down the steps.

**After my shower**, Ana and I head back out to the carnival. I can't get my confrontation with Elena out of my head. I know that it's wrong to keep the truth about me and Kendall from Ana, but I'm not ready to lose her just yet. If the fact that I used to fuck her best friend doesn't send her running to the hills, explaining to her how I used to fuck her best friend will.

"Why don't you go sit down and I grab us some food?" I ask as we approach the concession tent.

"Sure, I'll just have a cheeseburger, with everything, and some fries please," Ana glances up at me wistfully, but I'm not sure what the look means.

"Uh.. anything else?" I ask, clueless.

Rolling her eyes, she simply replies, "A bottle of water too."

"Ok, cheeseburger, french fries and a water, got it."

She lingers for another moment, and I am not sure what to say next. Scowling at me, she turns and walks over to the table where Kate and company are already seated and chatting away.

I gather up our food and a couple bottles of water and head over to join my family. On my way to the table I notice Ashley, the slugger with the mean right arm, devouring a funnel cake. _Fuck it, I've been pissed on and cracked in the nuts with a bat, I deserve some deep fried goodness._

"Here's you go, babe," I say, handing Ana the plate, nodding a hello to everyone else.

"Where are you going?" she asks.

I point to Ashley, licking powdered sugar off her fingers and explain, "I need one of those."

She grins and adds, "Bring me one too!"

"Yes, ma'am," I salute bending down and kissing her on the forehead.

"EW, " Mia teases., I'm sure she's shocked that I would show so much affection to anyone, let alone in public.

I decide to take it up a notch and wrap my hand around Ana's ponytail, tugging her head back gently, and kiss her square on the lips.

"Ok gross, I did not need to see that," Mia giggles as I release a now blushing Ana.

"What," I shrug, not breaking eye contact with my girl, "That was PG, you should have seen what I did to her over at the batting cages earlier." Ana's blushes a deeper red and I wink at her, caressing her face, gently brushing my thumb, the thumb that went, _up there, _across her bottom lip.

Turning to seek out and destroy my funnel cake, I bump into a very pale looking little boy. "Hey kid are you ok?"

"Yea, I think I had too many hot dogs," he groans, rubbing his stomache.

"Umm. How many is too many?" I don't know why I asked;, curiousity got the best of me I guess, because the next thing I know, hot dog boy is doubled over, emptying the contents of his stomach onto my shoes. My canvas shoes. _It was bound to happen, Grey, puke just completes the trifecta__._

The rest of the afternoon flies past in a blur. After lunch, we head over to the main pavilion where the prizes are being auctioned off. The last of the prizes are given out and the families load back onto the buses, bringing this year's carnival to a close.

Once everything is cleaned up and most of the volunteers are gone, I find myself back in the kitchen with Mia, Elliot, Kate, and Ana. They're standing around the island, munching on leftover snacks from the carnival, recalling the day's events.

"I was so excited when Ashley won the Mariners tickets," Ana exclaims. "She wanted them so bad."

"Oh, I know and her little acceptance speech was priceless," Kate interjects, chuckling. "Your dad had to grab the microphone from her."

"What about when that little dude puked all over your shoes Christian's?" Elliot adds. "I didn't know someone so little had the capacity to ralph that much. Gives a whole new meaning to the name, 'Chuck' Taylor's." _Yeah Yeah, laugh at the unlucky bastard that got hit in the balls, pissed and barfed on. _

They're all laughing and the conversation changes topic but I am too preoccupied with the whole Kendall and Ana mess to keep up.

* * *

**"Earth to Christian,**" Mia says, waving her hand in Christians face. "Where'd you go?" He's been acting strange since lunch. After his shower, he was so cold and distant, it was like a complete 180 from the person I spent the morning with. He has yet to ask me out again and it's almost time for us to leave. _Why did I keep turning him down? _ I fear that he decided chasing a virgin isn't what he wants after all.

"Oh, I'm sorry, work stuff," he answers quickly, too quickly and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he's lying. He reaches for an unopened bag of cotton candy, and his mask of indifference slips back into place. He's so good at covering his emotions but I can see right through him, well, except when it comes to me. _Ask me. Ask ME! ASK ME!_

"Well I was just saying how much fun it would be if we all got together next weekend," Mia squeals. "Maybe we can go out on your boat!"

He nods, "Sure, just let me know what day and I can have Mac get her ready."

Mia and Elliot both give him a strange look, but I'm too caught up in my own head to give a shit. I can feel him shutting down. I will not let him hurt me the way he hurt me on Thursday, I can't believe I was going to forgive him. I'm such an idiot. _I can't be here._ I turn to leave but Christian catches my arms and asks, "Where are you going?"

I don't answer; instead I arch my brow and turn to walk out of the kitchen. It takes him a second to realize what just happened, but he's on me before I have a chance to escape into the safety of the bathroom. _Don't let him see you cry. _

"What the fuck did I do now?" He growls.

I stare daggers at him; I wish I had an actual dagger. It's what you didn't do, what you didn't ask. "Nothing, absolutely nothing."

"Then what's with the fucking attitude?" He glares right back, his stare is so intense.

I drop my gaze, refusing to look at him. "You're really not as smart as everyone thinks."

Tugging my chin up, he looks down, into my eyes, reading my soul, "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Why haven't you asked me out yet?" I pout, _I'm actually pouting, _I can feel my eyes glassing over, and in this moment I don't care about being strong or self-assured, I just need answers. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"That's why you're giving me all this attitude?"

"I told you to ask again after lunch, and then nothing. You go all cold on me and I thought… well I thought it was going to be like Thursday night all over again."

"Baby, no." he murmurs leaning down pressing a soft kiss on my lips. "It isn't like that at all. I just have a lot on my mind. I didn't realize…"

"I'm being stupid. It's just you were so persistent all morning... God, I don't even know where this is coming from. This isn't me," I ramble.

"I like seeing this side of you," he counters, placing a soft kiss on my nose.

"I'm fine," I sigh, pulling away, I need to put some space between us. I need to regroup. I need to pee. "I need to go. I'll see you in there."

Running his hands through his hair, he reluctantly lets me go. I can't handle him shutting down on me again. I know his family says it's how he deals with everyone, but as he said to me the day of the interview, "I'm not everyone." Either he wants me or he doesn't but if he doesn't he can't go dragging me out of bars, or threatening to knock someone's teeth out just for talking to me.

I finish up and wash my hands, steeling myself to face Christian, Kate, Mia, and Elliot. No doubt the saw me stomp out of the room and I'm not sure how to explain that one. I open the bathroom door and he's standing there, waiting, for me. _He does care._

* * *

**The bathroom** door opens and she leans in the door jam, smirking at me, "Were you listening to me pee?"

"Maybe, maybe not," I joke.

"That's creepy."

"Well, Ms. Steele," I say walking up to her, "I promise not to listen to you pee anymore, if you promise to have dinner with me tomorrow."

She nods, grinning, and for the first time in a very long time I am truly happy. "Seriously though, listening to me pee is a deal breaker."

_Hard limit, I can deal with that_. "Anything else I need to steer clear of?" I ask running my fingers behind her ears.

"Well, you probably, might want to stay away from little girls with bats."

"God, I fucking love your smart mouth," I murmur, just before bringing my lips to hers. I'll save the Kendall issue for another time.

* * *

**A/N- Thank you Ordlas, for being my Master Beta ;) and to YOU for all your follows/faves/reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14- Second Chances

**Yesterday was incredible**. Christian and I have such an insane chemistry and I feel a level of comfort with him that usually only comes with time. I feel as if I can be myself around him, it's like he understands me. It scares me how deeply I've fallen for him in such a short time, I really don't know much about him, but at the same time I feel as if I've known him my whole life.

I have pledged to use our dinner as an opportunity to learn as much as I possibly can about Christian. After he left last night I couldn't fall asleep. I spent most of the night preparing a mental list of things I want to know about the elusive billionaire, who for some reason feels as strongly about me as I do for him.

As I lay in bed fighting the urge to physically write out my questions, I hear a slight tap on my bedroom door. "Come in," I yell.

"Hey baby girl, are you decent?" Jose asks popping his head through the door, one hand covering his eyes.

"Get in here," I snicker, throwing a pillow at him. "And since when do you knock?"

"Since Christian Grey swiped you're V-Card," he says, arching his brows suggestively. "I mean I don't blame you, I'd throw my panties at him too, but damn, girl! When you do it, you do it big."

"JOSE!" I admonish. "My V-Card is still placed firmly in my pants, thank you very much. What you walked in on last night was an innocent make-out session," I clarify, feeling the heat spread across my cheeks, recalling the embarrassing moment from the night before. Kate went back to Elliot's and Christian drove me home. What was supposed to be a sweet goodnight kiss somehow ended with Christian and me dry humping on the couch.

"Innocent makeout session my ass! _I _almost got pregnant just watching you two!"

"Whatever," I murmur, rolling my eyes

"Babe, if his hand were any further up your shorts, his fingers would have been massaging your esophagus."

"Don't be gross! Besides, Christian refused to even consider having sex last night. He says, 'my first time should be special,'" I admit with a blush.

"He's right, it should be special. You don't want to look back on it and say, 'what the fuck was I thinking?' Do you want to hear the horror story that was my first time?"

I nod.

"Well the first problem was it was with a girl," he shudders, "and the second problem was that we were both just so damn eager to get it done that we didn't bother to care how it happened. We ended up doing it after school in a cemetery and it started to fucking rain about half way through. Not sexy rain, like you see in the movies, I'm talking full on monsoon, gale force winds, the whole nine. We were getting hit with branches and leaves were sticking to parts leaves shouldn't stick to." Jose recalls, shaking his head in disgust, "I should have known then that the whole vagina thing wasn't for me."

Chuckling, I remind him, "But we weren't outside, or in a car, or at prom, we were in the apartment and I more was _more than willing_."

"Now who's being gross?" Jose says making a face. "I don't think I'm ready for my little baby to grow up."

"Well I have a feeling your little girl will become a woman tonight," I grin.

"Wait till Kenny hears this."

"Ugh. Do you think I'm a complete bitch for bailing on movie night to go out so soon after her break-up?"

"No babe. It's not like you caused her break up." Jose reasons. "It's not your fault she fell in love with that prick, and you shouldn't feel bad about finding someone who makes you this happy," he finished, gesturing me up and down. "Plus Ken doesn't want to do movie night anyway, she's not ready to come back here just yet. Doesn't want to chance running into him."

"Ok, but please don't say anything to Kendall. I don't want to be the cold hearted bitch that rubs her new boyfriend in her friend's face two days after she gets her heart broken," I plead, thinking for a moment. "Should I cancel with Christian? I haven't been there for Kenny at all since the break-up. I'm such a shitty friend." _God I'm never going to get laid._

"No, you can't cancel. Kendall will be fine, she just needs time."

"Did she tell you anything about him?" I ask, hoping to have some sort of clue as to who her mystery Dominant is.

"No, she still keeping super tight-lipped. Only thing she would say is that she fell for him even though she knew he didn't feel the same. She said she was hoping her love could fix him, whatever that means," Jose shrugs.

Before I can respond my phone rings. I reach over onto my night stand and answer without looking to see who it is, "Hello?"

"I'm an idiot for leaving you last night," Christian whispers seductively into the phone.

I can't help the answering grin as I turn to Jose and mouth, 'it's Christian.'

He rolls his eyes, getting up to leave. "Can you hold on for a sec?" I say to Christian.

"Sure baby, but any longer and I'll come looking for you."

Putting the phone down I crawl to the edge of the bed where Jose is standing, sitting on my knees I say, "Please just let me tell Kendall on my own time. I just don't want her to feel like I'm being insensitive."

"I get it, you're too good Ana, always putting everyone else's needs before your own, this is your first real boyfriend, you should be shouting it from the rooftops, instead you contemplate canceling your first night of hot steamy sex to comfort someone you've only known a month. How did we all get so lucky?" He smiles wistfully, shaking his head, "I can't believe that your first boyfriend is Christian fucking Grey; lucky bitch," he winks, then turns to leave, closing the door behind him.

Once Jose is gone I grab the phone, "I'm sorry, I had to get rid of the guy that was in my bed."

"The guy you're referring to better be your gay roommate," he growls.

"Relax, jeez. Of course it's Jose. He came to make sure I didn't let the billionaire from upstairs defile me."

He chuckles, "I figured I'd let you keep your innocence for one more night."

I gulp, "So does that mean that tonight you are finally going to fuck me?" I ask, knowing it will rile him up.

"Do you want to be fucked?" he breathes.

"I want you, Christian, however I can have you," I reply honestly.

He gasps at my admission, "How soon can you be ready?"

_Wait what? _Suddenly all my bravado has disappeared and I panic, "I thought we were having dinner?"

"Yes, and lunch and breakfast too."

"I…umm," I stutter. This is what I wanted but I thought I had all day to prepare. Kate's not even home yet to give me the pep talk. "I…"

"Breathe baby. I still want your first time, our first time together, to be special. I planned the perfect day for us. I can't wait until dinner to see you; so I'll ask you again, how soon can you be ready?"

"Give me twenty minutes."

Once we hang up I jump out of bed and run down the hall screaming for Jose. "JOSE! Bring your ass to Kate's room, NOW!"

"Jesus, Ana. What's wrong?"

"I need hair, make-up and wardrobe ASAP," I bark. "Christian is going to be here in twenty minutes and I can't lose my virginity looking like a homeless person. I expect you to have everything ready when I get out of the shower," I yell over my shoulder as I make a beeline for the bathroom.

**Seventeen minutes later**, Jose is putting the finishing touches on my look. We went with a high ponytail for my hair, and a white tank with a long flowy pink skirt for my outfit. He topped that with Kate's denim jacket and kept the makeup simple with mascara, a little blush and some tinted lip balm. "There," he says slipping the jacket over my arms. "This way you'll be ready for just about anything. It's casual enough for the park, but still dressy enough if he takes you whereever it is billionaires go when they aren't running their empires."

"What if he takes me hiking?" I question sarcastically looking down at the bronze gladiator sandals he insisted I wear instead of my chucks.

"If he takes you hiking, first you better pray that your clumsy ass doesn't fall off the side of the mountain, and then you make him buy you proper footwear. It's not like he can't afford it," he states drily.

"Screw you, I am a lot more graceful than you think, plus I can buy my own shoes thank you very much, I am gainfully employed now."

"Oh that's right!" Jose exclaims. "With all the drama surrounding Kendall and the excitement over you getting laid, I almost forgot about your new job. Congrats again, babe," Jose says wrapping me in a big hug, just as the doorbell rings. "Oh wait, before I forget, take these." Reaching into his pocket he pulls out two condoms, and I can't help the eye roll that follows.

"You and Kate are seriously like the same person," I say snatching the damn things out of his hand. "These are probably what jinxed me the first time around."

"Better safe than sorry, although with someone like Grey, you might want to skip the condom and take the baby instead. You and that little bastard would be set for life," Jose jokes.

"JOSE! I can't believe you just said that," I scold.

"Calm down. I'm only joking. Plus I know you don't have what it takes to trap a man," he laughs, walking me to the door.

"You're so bad," I say pulling him in for another hug.

As he opens the door he gives me a quick peck on the cheek and whispers in my ear, "but if you change your mind, remember who gave you the idea, I will need my ten percent."

* * *

**As I stand** in the hallway waiting for Anastasia to come out for our date, I am flooded with images of last night. After the carnival Elliot and Kate went back to Elliot's place across town and I brought Ana back to Escala. As soon as we hit the elevator I couldn't keep my hands off of her.

We somehow ended up on the couch and I was on the verge of fingering her to her first official orgasm. Although I vowed to make her first time special, last night, on that fucking couch, I almost lost all control. The only thing that stopped me from taking her right there in the fucking living room was her roommate walking in on us. I don't know if I should have been pissed off that he interrupted or relieved that Kendall wasn't with him; either way, the intrusion cleared my head enough for me to realize that I needed to get out of there before things went too far.

The apartment door swings open, breaking me from my thoughts; Ana is wrapped in Jose's arms, kissing him on the cheek. The rational side of my brain understands that Jose is gay and is no more interested in Anastasia then I am in him, but fuck being rational when he bends down and whispers in her ear, causing her to giggle.

Clearing my throat I focus my glare on the fucker with his hands on my girl. "Anastasia," I hold out my hand to her and in a deadly quite voice I command, "Come." It's not a question and upon seeing the look in my eyes she obeys without hesitation.

"Hey," she says stepping into my arms, running her fingers through my hair, "Christian, baby, look at me."

I forcefully drag my gaze from Jose, who actually has the nerve to be smiling at me, to Ana and her baby blue eyes. Instantly a sense of calm washes over me, one look from her is all it takes. I vaguely register the sound of the door closing, leaving me and Ana alone in the hallway. "You. Are. Mine." I growl bringing my lips to hers. I kiss her desperately, only breaking away because I want to hear her say the words back to me, "Say it."

"Christian, you have nothing to worry about, especially not with Jose. I'm here, in your arms, exactly where I want to be," She gasps catching her breath.

"Say. It." I repeat, I'm not relenting. I may not have a signed contract, but a verbal agreement will do in a pinch.

"I. Am. Yours. Yours. YOURS." she says, punctuating each word with a kiss. There is a determination in her voice that almost leaves me breathless. This brave, beautiful girl trusts me so wholly, so completely, and she doesn't even know the demons that are lurking just under the surface.

I can't keep lying to her. I have to tell her about Kendall, about everything. "Anastasia. I…I'm… Look there's something you should know." I begin.

"Shh," she stops me, planting a small kiss on my lips. "It's ok. I get it. You don't have to do this. Let's just enjoy the day. We can save the heavy for later."

Sighing, I reluctantly agree. Taking her by the arm, I lead her to the elevator. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," she snorts, "Jose thought so too."

I shoot her my patented Grey glare.

"What? Too soon?"

"Yea," I reply drily.

"You do know he's gay, right?" she giggles. _God I love that sound._

"I know he's gay, but seeing you in his arms like that," I shake my head unsure how to vocalize the rage I felt. "I didn't like it."

"You don't have to worry about him or anyone else," she reassures me, linking her hand in mine, grinning up at me.

"I didn't like it," I say again, trying to hold on to my anger. _She will not make me laugh._

"I. Am. Yours," she says imitating my voice. She furrows her brows and does her best to replicate my glare.

"I do not sound like that," I pout.

"Oh yes you do, and don't pout."

"No I don't, you sounded like you were constipated, I sound scary and intimidating," I say, forcing my lips out even further.

"_You _sounded like you were constipated. I'm a lady and ladies don't do constipated. And I said don't pout," she informs me as the elevator doors open.

"Or else what," I retort walking into the elevator, going full on Derek Zoolander on her ass.

"Or else this," she says, swinging her arm back and smacking me square on the behind.

My jaw drops. I can't believe the little shit just spanked me. "Did you just spank me?"

"I told you not to pout," she arches her brow, reminding me in her constipated voice.

That does it, I can't hold in my laughter any longer. I laugh and laugh until my side hurts. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Once I finally compose myself I look over to Ana and she has a ridiculously smug grin on her face, "You're awfully pleased with yourself aren't you?"

"Well let's see," she says stalking towards my corner of the elevator, "I prevented you from going ape shit on my roommate," she wraps her arms around my neck, "and did a pretty spot on impersonation of, _The Christian Grey, _and now I have you all to myself for the entire day." Her eyes darken, and she bites her bottom lip, "I'd say I have a right to be pleased with myself, don't you?"

My hands travel down her back and I give her delectable bottom a firm squeeze, "Baby, if you keep looking at me like that, we won't make it out of the building."

"Who says I want to leave? You've been threatening to take my virginity since Thursday."

"And I promise you this, Ms. Steele, you will not start your first day of work with your virginity intact, but I believe I promised to take you out on a proper date," I remind her.

"I've changed my mind. I don't want hearts and flowers today."

"Baby, you deserve hearts and flowers. I want today to erase any lingering doubts you may have about me, or my intentions toward you. I want it to be perfect and I want to prove to you that you are more than just a fuck. If you are a good girl and stick it out with me today, tonight I promise to fuck you so good, you won't walk right for a week.

Gasping, Ana looks up at me and in a barely audible tone breathes, "Deal."

The elevator doors open, and I usher Ana out to my Q7, where Taylor is already waiting with the back door open. "Anastasia, this is Taylor, head of my personal security, Taylor this is Anastasia Steele."

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Steele." Taylor nods

"Nice to meet you, Mr…" Ana says waiting for his last name.

"Taylor." Taylor replies formally.

"Taylor Taylor?"

Chuckling, Taylor relents, "Jason Taylor, ma'am."

"Ohhhhhh." Ana realizes, "Nice to meet you Mr. Taylor. Please call me Ana."

Nodding Taylor gestures her into the car, "Ma'am."

"You're not going to call me Ana, are you?"

"No ma'am" Taylor smiles.

Climbing into the back seat, she turns back and whispers, "I like him. He reminds me of my dad."

"Good, I'd hate to have to fire my right hand man because my girl _likes him_."

She rolls her eyes, "So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," I answer, reaching over to buckle her in.

**About twenty minutes** later Taylor parks the car in an overgrown field of wildflowers. "You're taking me on a date in the middle of nowhere?" Ana asks, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Essentially, yes," I say opening the door and climbing out of the SUV. I nod to Taylor who is opening Anastasia's door.

"ETA on our departure?" I ask, helping Ana out of the car.

"The operator should be here at 1100."

"Good, we'll set up right over there."

"Sir." Taylor nods, walking around to the back of the trunk.

"Do you two always speak in code?" Ana asks, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.

She looks so beautiful in natural light that I can't help but take a minute to simply admire her. Physically, Anastasia is exactly my type, but what sets her apart from my previous sixteen submissives are her eyes. Not in color, but depth. One look from her pierces my soul. "What are you doing to me?" I murmur, lost in her gaze.

"I could ask you the same thing," she breathes.

"Ahem," Taylor coughs, breaking the spell. He's holding out the picnic basket and blanket Mrs. Jones prepared for our breakfast. I think she nearly had a heart attack when I asked her to make it. _Another first._

"Thank you," I nod, dismissing him, before grabbing Ana's hand and leading her down a little further into the meadow.

"This place is stunning, how did you find it?" she asks as I lay out the blanket.

"Taylor," I shrug. "He's a man of many talents. "Hungry?"

"Famished, actually. Someone dragged me out of bed this morning before I had a chance to have breakfast." Ana sits, cross legged on the blanket beside me.

"Well you're in luck," I say, pointing to the basket of goodies. "Let's see, we've got some fresh cut fruit, an assortment of pastries, yogurt, and juice."

"It all looks so good," she replies, thinking over her decision. "I'll start with one of these." Grinning she pulls out a buttered croissant.

"Excellent choice."

**Ana and I** spent the next hour eating our way through the picnic basket, learning about each other's past.

"So Ray isn't your birth father but you chose to live with him instead of your mother?" I ask, taking a swig of orange juice.

"Yup," she answers in between bites. "Ray is the only father I've ever known." _Raymond Steele, Divorced to one Carla Steele, now Carla Adams. _I mentally recite the information on Ray's background check. I've been curious to know why Ana chose to live with this man over her mother. "My real dad died before I was born. Ray stepped up, married my mom and raised me. He has never treated me like a stepchild and as far as either of us is concerned, we are as much father and daughter as anyone connected by blood.

"When my mom married husband number three, I decided that it would be best to go live with my dad." Her eyes darken, recalling a memory, but she doesn't elaborate and I don't push her. '_Save the heavy for another time.'_

"What about you? How was it growing up as one of the princes of Seattle?"

"Prince of Seattle?" I snort. "More like royal fuckup."

"You mean to tell me you weren't always this perfect?" she smirks at me, reaching for a napkin.

"Baby, I'm far from perfect."

"Yeah, right. Look at you," she gestures in my direction.

"What?" I asked slightly offended.

"Only you can make black cargo shorts and a gray v-neck t-shirt sexy. I bet you just rolled out of bed and ran your fingers through your hair."

_Well, I brushed my teeth too. _"So what?"

Rolling her eyes she huffs, "Never mind."

"Oh no, tell me," I press, moving the basket aside, crawling over to her.

'No' she mouths.

"No?"

She shakes her head and I lunge toward her, pin her hands above her head, and tickle her mercilessly.

"No… Christian… Please," she squeaks in between giggles.

"What was that Anastasia? I couldn't understand you."

"Please… I'll tell you…"

I stop tickling her but keep her trapped underneath me.

She takes a moment to catch her breath before speaking, "It's just you're so… I don't know, _GQ,_ and I'm just…" she trails off. "Me."

"Anastasia, you are beautiful," I plant a chaste kiss on her lips. "So beautiful," I murmur, going in for another, kiss, I nibble on her bottom lip. "You have the sexiest mouth. I dream about your mouth." Grinding into her, I kiss her again slipping my tongue into her mouth. Our tongues move in perfect synchrony, slowly exploring one another. Her strawberry scent mixed with the sweetness from the fruit make for an intoxicating combination.

I don't know how long we spend laying there, kissing, sucking, worshipping, lost in each other, but the buzzing of my blackberry brings us back to reality. Reluctantly I pull away just enough to answer the phone. "Grey."

* * *

**"Grey," Christian** snaps into the phone. "Fuck," he says looking down at me apologetically. "No, it's fine, we need to stay on schedule if we're going to make our reservations tonight." He pauses, I assume listening to whoever is on the other line and I can't help but reach up and give him another quick peck. He smiles down at me with wonder in his eyes.

It's hard to believe that this happy carefree person is the same calculating CEO I interviewed with on Monday. It's strangely intimate to see this side of him, the side that not many people have the pleasure of knowing. I take a second to savor this moment, locking it away in the Christian vault in my mind. He looks as beautiful as ever, copper hair tousled stylishly, gray eyes shining their brightest shade yet, his lips swollen from our kiss, and his scent, jasmine mixed with something that I can't quite detect.

"Ok, five minutes," he barks before hanging up the phone. He moves, returning to the spot next to me; leaning on his elbow, he tucks a stray hair behind my ear. "Your next surprise is ready."

"Can I have a hint?" I ask, eager to know what's next. The picnic was perfect and I was even able to cross some of the questions off my list. _Birthday_-June 18. _Favorite movie-_ Philadelphia. _If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?_ Paris and he speaks French fluently!

"Nope, you'll see soon enough. Have you had enough to eat?" he questions; his eyes harden infinitesimally, but I'm not sure what caused the sudden change.

"Stuffed, thank you," I say as I pat my belly. "I really hope the next thing isn't anything too physical, I might not be able to keep up," I giggle.

The corner of his mouth lifts, and he smirks at me, _back to carefree Christian, _"Not to worry baby, I would never leave you behind." He bends down and kisses the tip of my nose.

_Not so fast Grey. _Reaching up, I pull him back to me, causing him to groan before giving me a proper kiss. I try to deepen it but he pulls back, "Baby, if you keep this up, we are never going to make it past the picnic."

"The picnic was amazing, who says we need to get past it?"

"I say," he challenges.

"Don't I get a say?"

"I already know what you want."

"And what would that be?"

"You want to lay here and make out all day."

_Damn he's good! "_You forgot the sex. I want the sex too!"

"Come on," he pulls me up, chuckling, "I can't believe what a little sex-crazed monster I've created, I can't even imagine how bad you're going to be once I break your hymen."

My mouth pops open.

"I'll have to tie you to the bed, just to get any work done," he grins, a salacious grin.

I blush fiercely at the thought. Looking up at him, my abdomen clenches as I imagine myself tied to his bed, him above me, the muscles in his arms flexing as he drives into me over and over.

He gives me a knowing look, before whispering, "Breathe Anastasia."

I take a deep breath and begin packing up the remains of our breakfast. Taylor appears and we're off to our next destination. The car ride is relatively short, and in a few minutes time we are further into the meadow when I see my next surprise. "A hot air balloon?" I squeal.

Laughing, Christian nods. "And you wanted to skip it."

I purse my lips, thinking it over for a moment. "You're right, this is way better than making out with you," I scrunch my nose up in mock disgust.

"Oh really?" he challenges, raising his brow.

"No, not really," I roll my eyes. _Yes, really, but the look in his eyes, says that he's determined to prove me wrong, and I really want to get on that balloon._

"You are a terrible liar, Ms. Steele."

"And you are an amazing boyfriend, Mr. Grey," I smirk. _That should shut him up._

I looks at me, stunned. "Really?" he chokes.

I nod, biting down on my lip. Taylor parks the car and discreetly exits, giving us a moment.

Unbuckling my seat belt, he pulls me into his arms, breathing into my hair. "I don't deserve you."

"Well, you're kind of stuck with me."

"Don't ever leave me. Promise you'll never leave."

"Never," I promise. I could never leave this beautiful, fucked up man. Seven days was all it took for me to fall head over heels.

* * *

**Thank you to Ordlas for being my beta, Sandandsurf, Ehollier and the girls on FB for all the great date ideas. Thank YOU for all your faves/follows/reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15-The Heavy

**"Oh my gosh** that was incredible!" Ana squeals as Taylor pulls the Audi back onto the main road.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," I grin. "I wasn't sure how you would react." That's an understatement. I spent half the night racking my brain trying to come up with the perfect second first date and when I finally did, I spent the other half of the night regretting my decision.

"Why so?" She asks as she fiddles with the makeshift bouquet of wildflowers she insisted I pick for her.

"I thought it might be a tad bit over the top," I shrug. "I didn't want to overwhelm you but I wanted to do something that you would never forget."

"Mission accomplished. That was… I can't… There are no words to describe how perfect it was." Shaking her head, she looks up from her flowers, grinning, "It was like Saturday morning cartoons, a good book, and a warm slice of apple pie all rolled into one; like unicorns and rainbows and wildflowers," she says lifting the flowers for emphasis. "Over the top? Maybe. Will I ever forget? Not in a million years."

I smile shyly at her, locking my fingers with hers, I bring our hands to my lips, kissing each knuckle on her delicate hand. I've spent my entire life thinking that I'm not good enough. Not for the crack whore, nor my adoptive family. It's what drives me. It has been both a source of motivation and destruction. It's what fuels my nightmares and my successes.

No matter how many times my parents have told me they loved me, no matter how much wealth I've amassed, nothing, absolutely nothing, has given me more validation than this moment. Knowing I've made Anastasia happy is all I need, it's all I will ever need.

"Good, in that case I have something else for you," I tell her, reaching into the back to pull out her gift.

"Christian," she eyes the box suspiciously, "The picnic and balloon ride were more than enough, you didn't have to buy me anything." It amazes me how little she seems to care for material things and oddly enough it only makes me want to lavish them on her more.

"I know I didn't have to but I wanted to. Plus it's more for me than you anyway." Handing her the box, I command, "Open it."

Warily, she removes the present from my hand and slowly unwraps the golden foil. "You got me a new phone?"

I nod.

"But I already have a phone." She reaches for her purse and pulls out the pink razor flip phone to drive home her point.

"Baby, middle school kids have nicer phones than that. I prefer to communicate through email and I don't think that thing even has a web browser. Plus this one has a more secure network and is equipped with tracking software that will allow us," I motion between Taylor and myself, "to be able to discover your location in an instant. It'll be easier to keep you safe."

"Oh, so you got me a leash," her voice dripping with anger. "When did you even have time to go and get it?" _Not the reaction I was expecting but she really doesn't have a say in the matter._

"I didn't have to go and buy one. It's standard issue for all top level Grey execs. So I just had Taylor swing by GEH and pick one up. I don't see what the big fucking deal is, you needed a new phone so I got you one." _Happy Ana makes for a happy Christian, sarcastic, pain in the ass Anastasia, not so much._

Rolling her eyes she mumbles something I can't quite understand, and I swear my dick twitches. _Not now Thor. Yes I refer to my dick as the God of Thunder._

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I ask, arching my brow.

Turning so that her entire body is facing me, she squares her shoulders before repeating, "I said, your mother was right."

"What does my mother have to do with anything?" Mentioning my mother is one way to keep Thor in check.

"She said you would make me angrier than I'd ever thought possible-"

Cutting her off, I seethe, "My mother said that." How dare she.

"Will you let me finish, holy fuck," she sighs, running her fingers through her hair, _I'm rubbing off on her, that's not all I'd like to rub on her, _"She also said that no one would ever love me more profoundly."

"My mother said that?" This time I can barely get my voice above a whisper, Thor shrinking back down sensing his presences is no longer needed.

She nods, "I didn't understand what she meant until now."

"I'm not capable of loving anyone. Grace was mistaken," I say, turning to stare out the window. Suddenly the side of state route 520 is more scenic than the view from the hot air balloon.

"Not this shit again," she snaps, unbuckling her seat belt and climbing into my lap.

"Anastasia, you need to buckle up, it's not safe," I reprimand, horrified as images of her flying through the front window run through my head.

"No," she protests, resting her forehead on mine she forces me to look her in the eye. "Not until you stop it with this 'I'm not good enough for you' bullshit. We just had a wonderful morning and I'm not letting you fuck up the rest of the day. This whole thing between us is strange and intense and completely out of my depth, but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, so just stop it, ok?"

_I'm not good enough. I don't deserve you. I can't even be honest with you._ "Is the phone really that bad?" I ask steering the conversation back into safer waters.

"No, it's not the phone, it's the fact that you went out and got it without even asking me first."

"It's a gift, I shouldn't have to ask permission to give a gift."

Her eyes narrow and she looks as if she is literally biting her tongue. After another moment she counters, "It's not a gift, it's a tracking device." _That too._

"So that's what this is about."

"Will wonders never cease," she says drily.

"I need you safe," I'm not backing down on the phone thing. She's just going to have to deal with it.

"But tracking my every move? That's a little extreme." _Probably shouldn't tell her about the bodyguard I plan to hire then._

"Not for me. I'm a public figure, when word gets out we're together you'll become a target."

"Can't we just cross that bridge when we get to it?"

"No." _Non-negotiable._

"Why not?"

"I can't even think of someone hurting you, I will do whatever it takes to protect you. I won't just sit back and watch helplessly if some fucker tries to hurt you. I can't lose you too." She looks at me, shock written across her face, _fuck, I shouldn't have added that last bit_. Silently I pray that she'll let it go. I don't want that shit in her head.

"Not me too? Babe, who did you lose? Is that why you keep shutting down on me?" _Fuck, I really shouldn't have said that._

"Nothing. Baby, put your seatbelt back on," I plead, breaking eye contact. It's hard to keep my resolve with her gazing at me so intensely.

"If I go back to my seat will you talk to me?" _NO!_

"Anastasia, don't," I growl as I gently lift her off my lap.

"Fine," she huffs, scooting back over to her seat.

I relax a little once she is safely buckled in. Not sure of what else to say, I sit and stare out the fucking window. Time seems to have stood still. I can feel her big blue eyes burning a hole in the back of my head but I refuse to look back at her.

"Christian, please, talk to me." _Don't look. Don't look._

"There's nothing to talk about."

We sit in quiet for the next several minutes. I rack my brain trying to think of how I misjudged this situation so badly. The morning started so promising and now we are right in the middle of a standoff. I need her to be safe, why can't she just accept that? "Do you need help forwarding your calls to the blackberry?" I ask, washing my hands of this argument. It's stupid and it's fucking up our date but I can't relax until this phone issue is resolved.

"Hmf," she snorts. "I have a phone, but thanks anyway."

"Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass?" I don't mean to snap at her but she is really starting to piss me off.

"ME? _I'M_ the pain in the ass? You're unbelievable," she looks at me with ill-disguised anger.

_Silence. _

"Look at me damn it!"

Reluctantly I turn toward her. Her face is bright pink, her blue orbs narrowed into tiny slits, she's pissed and I've never been more turned on. _Down boy._

"Christian, just because we are together doesn't give you the right to stalk me! You say it's for my safety and your piece of mind but there's something you're not telling me. I'm not going to sit here and keep my mouth shut, just because opening up to me is inconvenient for you at the moment. Relationships involve give and take, and I'm not taking the damn phone unless you give me a good enough reason to."

Now it's my turn to run my fingers through my hair, sighing. I'm trying to think of anything to end this argument. "I thought you said save the heavy?"

"I'm not asking you to tell me all your deep dark secrets; I'm just trying to understand."

_Silence. _

Minutes tick by.

The car inches closer and closer to the city limits. If I don't fix this now, my second chance will be ruined and I'm not so sure I'll be granted a third. "My mother," I whisper, returning my gaze out the window.

"Grace?"

"No, my birth mother. She overdosed when I was four. I… it was… I was left alone with her rotting corpse for two fucking days, utterly helpless." My voice cracks at the end. This has to be enough. It's more than I've shared with anyone. My parents know and Flynn, my therapist, knows, but it's not something I've ever really verbalized. It's written in the police reports and it's in my hospital records and medical files. Saying it out loud for the first time is terrifying and liberating. If I was capable of love, I would think what I'm feeling in this moment, for this girl, is exactly that.

I chance a peek at her, and what I see breaks my heart. Her eyes are glassy, and she looks as if I just punched her in the gut. "That," I gesture towards the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, "is exactly why I didn't want to say anything." I bite, rage bubbling inside of me.

Taking a deep cleansing breath she finally speaks, her voice thick with unshed tears, "So how do I work this thing?"

* * *

**Christian spends** the remainder of our car ride giving me the Cliff notes version on how to work my new phone. The way his eyes lit up once he realized I'd accepted the phone was like a kid on Christmas morning. I'm not sure what I was expecting for him to tell me, but it most definitely wasn't that. I couldn't help the tears that formed upon hearing about his childhood. It's simple - when he hurts, I hurt, and he is obviously still broken over losing his birth mother.

Taylor parks the SUV in front of a small building with glass windows framed in black metal. Above the door in gold lettering are the words _Underground Tour_. A walking tour of Seattle is about the last thing I expected from this day, but I think that's a good thing. I'm not so sure I'm ready to dive into the world of the Seattle elite, and this way I will get to learn more about my new home, and my new boyfriend, without a pretentious backdrop making me feel more inadequate than I already do. He's so thoughtful and attentive and infuriating and controlling and I can't ever imagine being with anyone else. Smiling to myself, I give Christian a curious look, wondering if it will always be like this between us, if I will always feel so strongly about him.

"Elliot's the one who told me about this place," he says, pushing his aviators down, concealing his gray eyes. "He first took the tour the summer after his freshman year at Stanford. He was still undecided on what he wanted to study so he basically spent the year partying and fucking his way through the entire freshman class. That summer, one of his friends who was studying history had to take the tour for extra credit in one of his summer classes and Elliot tagged along. He fell in love with these old buildings. The way they were built, how they were restored after the fire, how the underground tunnels connect, and just the idea that history could be passed down from one generation to another, long after they are dead and buried, amazed him.

"After that he got serious, transferred from Stanford to Cornell to pursue architecture, and hasn't looked back since. He's dragged me here on a few occasions. He goes on this tour a few times a year, for inspiration, or when he needs a reminder of why he went into construction in the first place. Don't let the whole fun-loving-slacker thing fool you, Elliot loves what he does and he works just as hard as I do." His eyes shine with adoration for his big brother, a blind man could see how much he loves his family and how much they all love him, so it breaks my heart that he can't see it himself. I can't even begin to imagine what other areas in his life are affected by his early childhood trauma. Just thinking about a four-year-old Christian left alone with his mother's dead body is enough to bring tears to my eyes. _Cool it with the heavy shit, Ana. _Shaking my head, I decide to change the subject completely. I want nothing more than to learn everything about Christian, past and present, but for now I just want to get back to being the fun happy couple we were this morning.

"I can't believe you called me a pain in the ass," I smirk, taking Christian's hand as I start scooting as gracefully as possible toward the door.

"I can't believe how much of a pain in the ass you were being," he counters with a smirk of his own.

"Whatever," I say rolling my eyes. Once my eyes right themselves in my head, I notice his gaze has darkened and he looks like he can't decide if he's angry or turned on. I decide to use that to my advantage, "Maybe if you would have just fucked me back at the meadow, I wouldn't be this uptight."

He turns, standing in-between my legs, effectively stopping me from exiting the car. His stormy eyes are full of passion and a slow smile creeps onto his face. Adjusting himself discreetly, his hands move to either side of my legs as he rubs them up and down teasingly. Leaning down, he whispers seductively in my ear, "Be careful Anastasia, you're going to wake up Thor." His close proximity, his fucking hands caressing my thighs, his warm breath on my neck, everything about this moment has my whole body on fire. I'm so turned on I can't even form a sarcastic remark about his dick being named Thor.

"Is that such a bad thing?" I gulp. _His dick is named after the god of thunder!_

"More like an inconvenient thing," he murmurs, kissing the spot just below my ear, "We've got a tour to take. Come."

Taking my hand he pulls me out of the Audi. "Why do you do that?" I ask, righting my skirt and my scattered brain.

"Do what? You really look beautiful today, by the way." The sincerity in his voice floors me. For someone that doesn't do hearts and flowers, he sure could have fooled me.

"Why do you always say, 'come'? It's like a command. Like you're talking to a dog or something," I muse, slightly annoyed with myself for always coming when he commands it. _Note to self, next time don't come when he demands it. _"From now on I think I'll come when I'm good and damn ready," I half joke, half pout.

His eyes light up in amusement, as he releases my hand to open the door to the building. "You'll come when I say you come, or else you won't be_ coming_ at all," he chuckles, ridiculously pleased with himself.

I can't help but laugh, "I set myself up for that one didn't I?"

"Yea babe, you kind of walked right into it."

"You're a perv, you know that, right?"

"You're just now _coming_ to that conclusion?" He laughs, "plus I think you are the biggest perv between the two of us. All you've been talking about all morning is sex and coming," he teases.

"Are you ever going to let that one go?" I don't know why I asked, if the shoe were on the other foot I damn sure wouldn't.

"I'll _come_ around eventually," he shrugs, grinning like an idiot.

**We spend the** next hour wondering around the Seattle underground. Christian booked a private tour, so we take our time, strolling hand and hand, marveling at how much history we walk right over every day. "Jose would love this," I mutter, more to myself than to Christian.

"He's a photographer, right?"

"Yes, he's mostly into shooting landscape, but he draws inspiration from everywhere."

"Is he any good?" Christian asks, helping me navigate over a pile of rubble. _I knew these shoes were a bad idea._

"Yea, he's really talented, and I'm not just saying that because he's one of my best friends, he's seriously amazing at what he does. He's already been commissioned for his first real gallery show. It's not a school showing, or a piece or two on display in a co-op gallery, the entire show is centered around his work. It's a huge deal," I say. This is the first time I've really understood the magnitude of the situation until now. Jose is always downplaying his talent, but hearing it out loud makes me so proud of my friend's accomplishments. "It's in Portland, in few more weeks, would you like to come with?"

"I'd love to, baby," he says kissing the back of my hand.

**After the tour**, we walk around old town, looking for a place to go have lunch. All the tension from earlier is now completely forgotten and we've fallen into a comfortable groove. I have learned a little bit more about his relationship with his sister, and the fact that he trains with an ex-Olympian, Claude, twice a week. He's trying to explain the difference between a merger and an acquisition, but I quickly lose interest upon spotting a tarot card reader. "Oh, can we please?" I squeal, bouncing up and down with excitement. "Please, please, please! I've always wanted to do this."

Christian reluctantly agrees, and in no time we're sitting down with cards scattered seemingly at random. "This card here is the fool card," Madam Effie says, pointing to a bright yellow card with the image of a jester on it. Madam Effie is an old woman with olive skin and eyes the color of coal. She is wearing a blue tunic and looks every bit as crazy as one would expect. Her wild gray hair is barely contained in a bun low on her head, and her voice is more like a high-pitched squawk.

"The jester in general represents newness; a new beginning, new relationships, new surroundings or even just a new hair style." Christian and I smile shyly at one another, new relationship, so far she's pretty dead on.

"This is the devil card," Madam Effie begins and I can't help the frightened look that flashes across my face. "Don't worry dear, it's not as scary as it sounds, it often represents bondage, usually metaphoric and internal," she clarifies.

I notice Christian shift uncomfortably in his seat as she continues to explain the meaning behind the card. At first I'm confused as to why it's making him so anxious, then it hits me like a ton of bricks. _Shit! _Suddenly it all makes sense. He is bound by the horrors of his childhood, and as such it affects his relationships with people today.

He is so uncomfortable because this is all hitting dangerously close to home for him. His past has a firm grip on his present and it prevents him from moving forward. Madam Effie is going on and on about how it's important to free ourselves from the emotional bonds that restrict us and how we should take action to break free from said demons.

"This is the justice card," Madam Effie continues, "It deals with karma and the laws of cause and effect. It's currently in what we call reverse position and that means that you have suffered or are currently suffering a great injustice in your life. Going back to the devil card, in order to free yourself from the mental bondage it's important to accept it and realize there is nothing you can do to change the past."

"That's it," Christian says, jumping to his feet. "This is fucking bullshit." He runs his fingers through his hair then reaches for his wallet, producing a fifty dollar bill. He drops the money on the table and turns and storms out the door.

I make a hasty apology to Madam Effie, thanking her for her time, before chasing after him. "Christian, will you please slow down?" I huff. "Look, I'm sorry, I had no idea that was going to happen. I thought she would give us winning lotto numbers or something," I say, trying to diffuse the situation.

He stops, putting his sunglasses back over his eyes, hiding his emotions, shutting down completely. He buries his hands deep in his pockets and his jaw is tense; I am desperate to bring him back to me. Slowly, as if I am approaching an un-caged animal, I walk up to him. I wrap my arms around his waist, and his entire body stills. I bury my face in his chest and I can feel his heart pounding against my cheek. I stand there for what feels like eternity, hoping to show him, rather than tell him, I'm here if he needs me.

After another several moments his heart beat starts to slow down and he pulls my arms from his waist to around his neck. He gazes down, and all I can see is my own reflection mirrored in the lenses of his glasses.

He takes a deep cleansing breath, stepping out of our embrace he commands, "Come."

_Whew! That was a close one._ "Where are we going?" I ask, standing my ground.

"Back to my apartment, I think it's time for me to fuck you."

* * *

**A/N Thank You Ordlas for being the best Beta ever. Marpuri for the walking tour suggestion. Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews,**


	16. Chapter 16-Another First

**We spend** the entire drive back to Escala holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes and sneaking small kisses. I have been on edge since Jose interrupted us the night of the picnic. I'm so wound up I am not even nervous. This feels right, and I know Christian will take care of me.

Taylor lets us out in front of the elevators while he goes and parks. As soon as we are safely hidden inside of the car Christian is on me. Before I know it, my hands are running through his silky copper hair and I am kissing him, pouring every ounce of frustration and lust I have been feeling all day into him.

His kiss is equally as passionate, his hands exploring my body; first massaging my breasts then moving lower to give my ass a firm squeeze before finally settling on my thighs, lifting me up and hooking my legs around his waist. Our kiss is sloppy and wet and soul consuming, our tongues slide in and out, and we take turns, claiming, worshiping each other. He is mine and I am his.

The elevator pings, bringing us back to the here and now. Christian looks at me, his sunglasses still covering his eyes, and smirks, "Are you ready to finally meet Thor, baby?"

I bite down on my lower lip, stifling a giggle, "Oh yea, its hammer time," and I am rewarded with a deep belly laugh, and a series of tiny kisses along my jaw line.

Christian carries me out of the elevator, through the foyer and heads straight for his bedroom. Kicking the door closed behind us, his stride is determined, as he walks to the center of the room and deposits me onto the bed. I land on the plush blanket with a little bounce. This is my first time being in Christian's room, it looks just like I'd imagined it would, floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the Seattle skyline. White walls, just like in his office, and pale blue furnishings. The bed is enormous, make of driftwood, with four posts but no canopy. Above the bed is a painting of the sea, completing the understated nautical theme.

I look over to Christian, who is now standing by the dresser, taking off his shades and setting them on top. My heart flutters at the sight of him. I have lost all shame, as I gawk at him with pure lust. He's tall and strong and seemingly made just for me. The way his arms flex, as he bends over to remove his shoes, causes my insides to clench. He's beautiful, not just in the physical sense, but inside as well. "I'm sorry about all this," he says sadly.

"Sorry about what?" I ask confused. The wetness between my legs is making it hard to focus.

"About all this," he gestures around the room. "There were supposed to be flower petals and candles and music softly playing in the background," he sighs. "I was supposed to lead you in, gently by the hand, after a day of spending time together and learning about each other. After we shared dinner, and maybe a glass of wine or two, to help settle your nerves, but of course I'm an impatient asshole who couldn't wait-"

"Christian, this _is _perfect," I say, trying to make him understand. "I don't need all the extras, I just need you." Standing, I make my way over to him, my voice is breathy, needy, "You. Are. Mine." I remind him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "This is perfect, because it's with you. You are the only man that's ever made me feel this way, when you look at me, when you touch me, I feel alive," I admit, partly because it's true and partly because if he doesn't take my virginity soon, I think I will literally combust.

"I am in awe of you," he whispers, leaning down, running his nose along my cheek. His words are like gasoline, his touch the flame, my whole body, on fire. A small moan slips out of my mouth, just before Christian's lips crash back down over mine. He moves slowly, forcing me backwards until my knees brush againstthe bed, "I take it you aren't on the pill?"

"No but…" I reach into the pocket of Kate's denim jacket and pull out the two little condoms, Jose gave me this morning. "I have these." I can feel my ear's burning with embarrassment. Biting my lip, I look anywhere but at Christian.

Grabbing, my chin, he forces me to meet his gaze. His eyes are shining with amusement and what I think is pride, "You are perfect." Instantly the amusement fades and it's replaced with a sadness, "There's something you should know before we go any further."

"Will it ruin the mood?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Probably."

"Then it can wait." _Because I can't._

"Anastasia-" he begins.

"No, don't you Anastasia me!" I warn. "I have been going crazy since you left me hanging last night. Do you know I actually tried to finish what you started?" I don't know why I admitted that to him, I blame the hormones.

"Tried?" His brow arched, eyes hooded.

"My stupid fingers don't work like yours do," I reply, wiggling them for emphasis.

"You've never touched yourself before?" He looks like he's actually in shook.

"No! Why would I? And don't change the subject, either you can fuck me or I'm going to go downstairs and fuck the pink dildo instead, the choice is yours."

Christian stares at me, horrified and amused, "Ok, ok, if you put it that way I guess that leaves me no choice."

"Damn right," I pout, fighting the urge to stomp my foot.

Christian slowly peels my jacket off and tosses it behind him. He runs his finger tips up and down my bare arms, causing me to forget all about my little temper tantrum. "I want all your pleasure, Anastasia. From this moment on, if you need to be fucked, fingered or sucked, you come to me." He plants wet kisses my shoulder, then pushes the straps of my tank down. "If I find out about you using your fingers, or that godawful dildo, I promise, you won't be able to sit right for a week." Rational Ana would have spotted the warning signs in that statement and high tailed it out of here, but this needy, wanton person I've become is tempted to try it, hoping he makes good on his threats.

"Do you understand me, Anastasia?" he asks, trailing his kisses down my neck, biting and sucking my collarbone before moving lower.

"Yes, Christian," I moan, the feeling of his mouth near my breasts is exquisite. My stomach muscles contract, my knees buckle and I fear the anticipation actually might kill me.

"You are mine," he growls "made just for me." His hands join his mouth on my chest, as he roughly pulls my top down exposing my bra, "these," he murmurs, kneading and kissing my swollen bosom, "are mine." He looks up, gray eyes hooded, and smirks, his panty dropping, I have you right where I want you smirk. _Get on with it asshole._

Slowly, methodically, he slips his thumbs into the cup of my bra, freeing my tits from their confinement. He is staring at my chest like a starving man at a banquet, he actually licks his lips, before covering my nipple with his mouth. He sucks and bites and teases one with his mouth, and pulls at the other with his hand.

My body begins to quiver, my legs not sure how much more they can take but he shows no mercy. Desire pools in my belly as he switches sides, showing the other nipple the same attention. I am lost in sensation, so close to the edge when suddenly he stops.

I start to whine in protest, but his mouth is on mine before I can even make a sound. He pulls my shirt all the way down, stopping at my waist, adding the elastic band of my skirt to the bunched up material and pulls them both to my feet. I step out of my clothes as gracefully as possible and I am left wearing my pale blue lacy panties and matching bra, which is still pulled down under my chest. My nipples are like little pebbles and my cheeks are flushed.

Christian's hands travel up the backs of my legs and he plants soft, feather like kisses up them as he goes. "You might want to sit down for this," his voice thick, dripping with sex.

I obey, without hesitation, lying back on the massive bed, legs spread wide, inviting this beautiful sex god to have his wicked way with me.

Christian accepts my silent invitation, planting a chaste kiss on my lips he asks, "Are you ok, baby?"

I nod, unable to make a proper response.

He travels back down my body, licking and sucking his way down, stopping at the apex of my thighs. Draping my legs over his shoulders, he nuzzles me through the lace of my panties, and then inhales deeply, "Fuck Anastasia, you smell so good. These panties are drenched, I think we need to get them off you." He pulls at the delicate lace so roughly that it snaps, causing a delicious stinging sensation on the spot they once rested on my hip, "You owe me twenty bucks," I moan.

"Baby, I'll buy you as many pairs as you want, as long as I get to rip them off of you and this sweet pussy."

"Christian!" I squeal.

"What?" he nips at my inner thigh.

"I… don't…" it's hard to focus with his mouth moving ever so slowly towards my core. "You may refer to my vagina as a flower, or little Ana… ahhhh, fuck," I moan, his tongue making contact with my folds at long last.

"What was that, Big Ana?" I can feel his grin between my legs.

"You… heard…" He continues lapping up and down with slow deep strokes. "…me."

"Baby, this stopped being your vagina, when you called me your boyfriend in the car." His tongue dips inside of me and he brings his fingers around to play with my clit. "This is mine, and I'll call it whatever the fuck I want."

His words only drive my need for him. _Looks like you've won this one, Grey. _I run my fingers through his hair, writhing underneath him. My skin tingles and my toes start to curl. "Whoa, slow down baby, not yet." Christian whispers, kissing my thigh once again. "I want to feel you. I want you wrapped around Thor and looking into my eyes the very first time you come."

I nod, trying to steady my breathing, "I need you. I want you, please," I beg. I have lost all shame, I will do anything to feel him inside of me.

"I know, baby," he soothes. Standing up, he quickly undresses, and slides on the condom. _Ho-ly Fuck, now I see why he calls it Thor! _I panic, it's beautiful and long and thick and I'm sure that thing is going to split me in two. "Calm down, baby, you expand too," he says, reading my thoughts.

My eyes widen. "Yea, but that much?" I ask, not believing it possible.

He nods, slowly crawling up my body, forcing me up to the top of the bed, "I promise I'll take care of you. If it hurts too much, just tell me and I'll stop."

"Ok," I take a deep breath, "I trust you."

"I just… can you please just do one thing," he asks, unsure.

"Anything."

"Please just keep your hands on my arms, don't touch my chest or my back."

I agree, no questions asked.

He lets out a breath I didn't realize he was holding, and with the back of his hand he caresses my cheek. His eyes bore into mine, searching for any hint of hesitation. He finds none, I am ready.

His hand moves from my face, down the valley of my breast, only stopping once he reaches my slit. His finger probes my entrance and he slowly sinks in inside of me. "You're so fucking wet baby." He groans, as his finger whirls around and around, in and out, making a sinfully erotic squishing noise.

He adds a second finger, repeating the rhythm. His fingers tease my sex and his tongue teases my mouth, gliding in time with his hands, driving me insane with every lick. Finally he adds a third finger, slowly filling me, stretching me, in preparation for the main event.

He continues to kiss me, so deeply I almost don't realize that his fingers have been replaced, by the head of his cock. He gently pushes his erection inside of me hissing, "You're so tight, Anastasia. You fit me like a glove."

Inch by painful inch he fills me with his hammer. _Fuck, I didn't know it would hurt this much._ My eyes are wide, a layer of sweat covers my body. "Are you ok baby?" Christian asks, stilling half way. His eyes are laced with concern and he beings to pull out.

"Yes," I gasp, stopping his movements. "I'm fine. I just need a minute to adjust."

"I don't want to hurt you baby, just say the word and we can stop."

"No." _Man up, Steele, you wanted this, begged for it. _"I'm ready. Just go slow."

He studies my face for a moment, then leans in for another kiss, this time soft, soothing. He slowly fills me until he is buried to the hilt. He stills once more, giving me a minute to adjust to the pressure, before moving slowly back out.

Gradually, the pain mixes with pleasure and I am a ball of sensation. "Please," I moan, although I'm not sure what I'm begging for.

"I know, baby, but I don't want to hurt you," he whispers in my ear, his voice strained, and I know he's barely holding on.

"Christian, I need you."

He looks at me, gray eyes to blue, searching for any hint of hesitation, "You promise to tell me if I'm hurting you?"

"I promise." And with that he really starts to move. What was once sweet and sensual lovemaking transforms into raw and primal fucking.

He pounds wildly into my core driving me closer and closer to the edge. A bead of sweat rolls off his brow and falls onto my chest. This one simple act, combined with pent up frustration, and the delicious way Christian is driving into me sends me over the edge. "Yes. Yes. YES!" I scream. My body starts to quiver and my hips buck wildly, meeting him thrust for thrust. My vision blurs and everything ceases to exist.

I vaguely register Christian mumbling something before his entire body shudders, sending sweet vibrations through me. He grunts, before collapsing on top of me. "Fuck, baby, that was incredible," He pants.

"Is it always like this?" I ask, wondering if this is what I've been missing out on all these years.

"No baby, I've never felt anything like that. You came so hard, I almost lost my fucking mind." He pauses for a moment, and then adds, "I think it will always be like that with you. There's something about you, it's like you were made just for me."

I smile, a shy smile, "We were made for each other."

* * *

**Monday**

"Grey."

"Babbbbbbyyyyyy!"

"Anastasia? Have you been drinking."

"Maybe just a little."

"It's six o'clock. You just got off work, how are you this drunk?"

"Shut it Kate, I knew I shouldn't have told you assholes… No, well yes, but it's D Day remember, and we are celebrating my first day as assistant editor."

"Where the fuck are you? And shouldn't have told Kate what?"

"What? You mean you haven't been tracking me?"

"I don't want to hear your smart mouth right now, Anastasia, and you still haven't answered my question."

"We are at CC Attle's, and I shouldn't have told them about Thor."

* * *

**Tuesday**

"I've met someone," I say, feigning nonchalance.

"Oh," Flynn, questions, arching his brow, "A new submissive so soon after Kendall?"

"Not exactly," I answer, crossing my legs.

"Not exactly?"

"I've met a girl."

"I was under the impression that all your previous subs were women?" _Bastard._

"Anastasia's not just any woman, she's more."

"Well, Christian, you know I think that's wonderful. It's about time you finally open up to-"

"There's just one problem."

* * *

**Wednesday.**

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Dinner with my parents

**Date: **July 20 2011

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Baby, my mother requests our presence at dinner Saturday evening. She is looking forward to getting to know you better. I've already tried and failed to get us out of it, I was looking forward to spending Saturday buried deep inside of my formerly virginal girlfriend.

p.s. Last night was amazing. Who knew little Ana Steele had no gag reflex? ;)

Christian Grey

Lucky CEO, Grey Enterprises Holding, Inc.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Re: Dinner with my parents

**Date: **July 20 2011

**To: **Christian Grey

Dinner with your parents it is! I am looking forward to getting to know your mother better as well, but that's really just code for I want to see some embarrassing pictures of little Christian.

p.s. You've spent every night buried deep inside your formerly virginal girlfriend; little Ana could use the break.

Ana xx

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I am not…

**Date: **July 20 2011

**To: **Anastasia Steele

…calling your vagina little Ana.

Christian Grey

Not a total perv CEO, Grey Enterprises Holding, Inc.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: ** Double Standards

**Date: **July 20 2011

**To: **Christian Grey

Why can we call your penis Thor, but we can't call my vagina, little Ana?

Ana xx

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **RE: Double Standards

**Date: **July 20 2011

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Because I said so.

Christian Grey

Hammer wielding CEO, Grey Enterprises Holding, INC.

* * *

**Thursday**

***just a head's up, Christian is staying over tonight. –xx Ana***

***jeez Steele you've spent every night this week with him. Thor must be doing something right. -xo~Malibu Barb~ox***

***KATE! I told you that in drunken confidence. And yes, he is doing something very right LOL. -xx Ana***

***I want you to enjoy yourself babe, but just be careful. I still haven't forgiven him for what happened last week. I know you have and I am trying to be supportive, but I don't trust him. -xo~Malibu Barb~ox***

***I'm not asking you to trust him, I'm asking you to trust me -xx Ana***

***I do babe, but I can't help but to feel protective of you. You are my best friend and I will kill him if he ever hurts you like that again. xo~Malibu Barb~ox***

***you'll have to line up behind me ****- xx Ana***

***Have you heard from Kendall? Jose and I have been trying to get a hold of her all day, we are thinking about doing a friend-tervention. Tomorrow makes one week since the break-up and she's gotta pull herself together.- xo~Malibu Barb~ox***

***No, I haven't talked to her today, but I agree, we should go drag her out for dinner tomorrow night. I'll ditch Christian, you ditch Elliot and Jose can put the camera down for a night.—xx Ana**

***Deal!- xo~Malibu Barb~ox***

* * *

**Friday**

"Please, Christian. Don't stop." Ana moans biting into my neck. We are sitting in the middle of her bed, her legs wrapped like ivy around my waist, as I thrust deeper inside of her. We have spent the entire week in complete and utter bliss.

"Shh. Baby," you're going to wake up Jose, I say, before kissing her deeply.

She leans back, resting on her hands, and I begin to pound into her. She bites down on her pink pouty lips, attempting to stifle a moan, as I drive her closer and closer to release.

"Give it to me, Anastasia," I growl, leaning forward, wrapping my mouth around her nipple. Her body tenses, and I know she is about to come like a freight train. He walls tighten around my dick and I continue ramming into her until I find my own release.

Pulling her back into my embrace, she rests her head on my shoulder. I rub small circles into the small of her back, content in the moment.

"I love you Christian," she whispers. "I know we've only just met, but I do, I love you." My body tenses and I pull back, forcing her to look into his eyes. "You don't have to say it back, I just-"

Before she can finish my mouth crashes onto hers, and I kiss her with an intense desperation. After several moments I break the kiss, staring into her bright blue orbs. Her hair is a mess, and her skin is flushed from our early morning romp, and suddenly it all becomes clear, "I love you, too, Anastasia, more than anything in this world. I've never felt this way about anyone,ever." I emphasize the last word. "The day you fell into my office was the day my life began. Nothing else mattered after that." I pause. _It's now or never Grey, you have to tell her. _ "Ana, there's something you sho-"

"Kendall?" Ana says in surprise, "Umm. What are you doing here?" Turning, I look and find a puffy eyed Kendall standing in the doorway holding a copy of this morning's _Seattle Times._

"So it's true."

* * *

**Thank you Ordlas for beta'ing. Thank You Babygurl2012 for hammertime :). Thank YOU for all your faves/follows/reviews!**


	17. Chapter 17- Truth or Consequence

**"What's true?"** I say reaching for the sheet, in an effort to cover Christian and me. "And what are you doing here this early?" Christian's grip tightens around my waist as I attempt to disentangle our limbs. His jaw is set in a hard line, and his eyes are distant and cold. I've only ever seen his face like this one other time, the night he carried me out of the bar. "Kendall, can you give us a minute sweetie?" I can feel my cheeks burning as the words escape my mouth. The initial shock of Kendall's appearance is wearing off and the reality of the situation is sinking in; save for the sheet, we are naked and Christian is still inside of me.

"No, Ana I cannot give you a minute," Kendall spits. "You must think I'm stupid, huh?" Tears are streaming down her face and I am completely taken aback by her reaction.

"Kendall," Christian's voice, cold emotionless, "you are about to cross a line."

"What line?" I look from Christian to Kendall and back, trying and failing once again to free myself from Christian's hold. "Baby, please, l need to get dressed."

"Baby? BABY!" Kendall yells stepping further into the room. "She can call you baby but I had to fucking call you Master!?"

Time stops. My heart beats frantically. "Master?" my voice cracking, the word like poison on my tongue.I look to Christian for confirmation but he refuses to meet my gaze; instead he holds me closer, addressing his former slave and the friend that I've neglected for the past week in order to spend time with him.

"Kendall, shut the fuck up. You are in breach-" Christian starts.

"No, _Master," _Kendall's is voice harder than I've ever heard. "You shut the fuck up! I loved you. I still love you. What does she have that I don't? Why can she touch you? Why is she better than me?"

I feel sick. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I struggle, pushing Christian desperately, "Let me go." Tears roll uncontrollably down my face. "Kendall. I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know." I plead, still clawing at Christian. He doesn't relent, I am trapped in his arms.

"Please, Ana, cut the, 'I'm so sweet and innocent' bullshit. I'm sure you two got a good laugh at my expense, huh? Poor dumb, clueless Kendall." She shakes her head, pacing back and forth. "When I first saw this," she says, lifting up the paper, "I thought, well I never told you who I was seeing so maybe you didn't know, but then I realized, Mas-Christian knows everything. I thought, surely he was about to do the same thing to you as he did to me." She stops pacing and walks directly over to the bed. "I was coming to warn you, but when I heard the 'I love you's, it hit me. Why didn't you tell me you had a new boyfriend? If you didn't know about me and him, why keep it a secret?"

"I thought-"

"You thought what? That I wouldn't find out? Well surprise! The whole city knows what a back stabbing slut you are," she screams, throwing the newspaper at me.

"Don't you fucking dare talk to her that way!" Christian bellows, finally releasing me. Reaching on the floor, I scramble for my nightie and hastily throw it on. "Now I'm sorry you found out this way," he says wrapping the sheet around his waist, picking up the paper, "but Ana doesn't deserve your anger, and I don't love you. I didn't love you. I will _never _love you. Get the fuck over it."

I can't believe what I'm hearing, how can the same man who's been so sweet, so gentle with me the past week be the same person standing here, annihilating this poor girl with his words? "Kendall, please I swear I had no idea!" I sob walking around the bed and over to my friend.

"Don't touch me! I was a wreck Friday! I racked my brain trying to figure out what went wrong," she swipes roughly at the tears falling down her cheeks. "Your fucking body wash," she muses, shaking her head in disbelief. "He was all over me, kissing me, touching me, fucking me with his fingers," her words are sharp, like daggers in my heart. "He kicked me out Thursday, I threw myself at him, all while he was fucking my friend. "One whiff of that fucking body wash and I'm out on my ass, and apparently he goes to drag you out of some fucking bar. He didn't even wash me off of his fingers."

As she turns to leave, I reach out, grabbing her arm, "Kendall! Please, just let me explain."

_Smack_! She hits me hard against my cheek. Christian is up and standing protectively in front of me before I even have a chance to react. "Get the fuck out," he seethes. "If you ever put your hands on her again, I'll fucking kill you."

"That's right, I forgot, you're the only one allowed to hit little brown haired girls." She looks on at us with disgust before adding, "and next time lock the fucking door," before turning, slamming the door in her wake.

* * *

**"Ana, baby,** are you ok?" I say, assessing the damage to her beautiful face. An angry looking red mark is beginning to form on the spot where Kendall slapped her.

"Don't," Anastasia fumes, pulling away from me, "I can't believe this." She looks at me with a sadness in her eyes that breaks my heart.

"I tried to tell you."

"YOU TRIED TO TELL ME?" She yells. "You should have tried harder. You should have tried to tell me every fucking day." She's right, I should have told her but when's the right time to tell the woman you love that you used to engage in a sadistic relationship with one of her friends? "How long?" she asks, her voice, reflecting her heavy heart.

"Baby-"

"Don't fucking 'baby' me. How long have you known that I was best fucking friends with your sex slave?" She leans against the dresser for support

"Since the day of your interview," I admit running my fingers through my hair. Slowly I walk over to where she is standing, pulling her to me, her back to my front. Her head falls back onto my shoulder and I hold her tight as I confess my sins. "I put it together while you were talking to Elliot."

"The whole time," she turns, searching my face, looking for clues. "You've known the whole time, and you never found the right moment to bring it up? Oh hey, Ana, this macaroni is awesome! By the way, your friend is upstairs tied to my bed."

I flinch at the ice in her voice, "I broke things off with Kendall as soon as I realized how I felt about you. I never wanted you to find out like this."

Her eyes close, her face in pain. "You bastard," she says, pushing past me, going to sit on the bed. "You were with her the night you came and dragged me out of the bar, the night after I threw myself at you. You took my virginity in the same bed that you used to fuck her in."

"No!" I exclaim, kneeling in front of her, "Baby, it wasn't like that with Kendall. We've never been in my bed. I… we used…" I stumble on my words. How do I explain? My relationship with Kendall was so different than my relationship with Ana. "Listen, Kendall and I had an unconventional relationship."

"Oh I know all about your relationship," she says bitterly.

I am in complete shock, "What exactly do you know about my relationship with Kendall?"

"She wouldn't tell me who, but she was very clear on the what."

"Well did she tell you that we only fucked in my playroom?" I growl, losing my patience. I am inches from her face now, and in a deathly quiet voice I continue. "Did she tell you that I never took her out in public? Did she tell you that I never fucking loved her, that she was just a three month contract? Anastasia, please." I gently climb on top of her, laying her back, linking my hands with hers on either side of her head, hope the closeness will make her remember how much she means to me.

"Is that supposed to make it better? Is that supposed to make me forget? She's my friend, Christian, you should have told me," she sobs, tears renewed.

"You've known her for five fucking minutes." I murmur, planting a light kiss on her soft lips.

"And I've known you for three," she counters, turning her head.

"Please don't let this affect us. Nothing has changed, I love you. I've never loved anyone else. We were made for each other, remember." My eyes burn, tears threaten to fall for the first time since I was four.

"What do you want from me Christian? Do you want me to be your submissive, to tie me up and beat the shit out of me for crossing some arbitrary line? Are you really asking me to give up my friendship with Kendall for a three month contract? I can't be what you want. I can't turn my brain off three days a week and follow you around like a lovesick puppy. I can't be that. I can't be Kendall, so if that's what you're looking for-"

"You have never been a fucking contract and you know that."

"No, I was just a fuck, remember?"

"Look, we aren't getting anywhere with this."

"You're right," she sighs, lowering her gazes. After a moment, she looks back up at me, new resolve in her eyes, "you should go."

"Wh-what?" I stutter.

"There's nothing left to say and I need to get ready for work, please let me up."

"But I'll see you tonight?" I ask, reluctantly releasing her.

"No." She stands, walking over to the door. "I can't do this," she gestures from me to her, then rests her hand rests on the door knob. One flick of her wrist and my life is over. "I'm better than this."

Her words are like a punch in the gut. It's what I've always known, my biggest fear realized, "So I'm good enough to take your virginity, but not good enough to love." I know it's a low blow, but I'm grasping at straws. I can't lose her, not now, not ever.

"I do love you, Christian," she turns the knob, swinging the door wide open, "but I love me more."

"You promised," I choke, tears falling silently down my cheeks. "You said you'd never leave."

"I'm not," she sighs, "you are. Please be gone when I get out of the shower."

* * *

**A/N Shout out to Ordlas for the epic turn around time! Thank You for the faves/follows/reviews!**

**Oh p.s . This is the scene the entire story was built around! **


	18. Chapter 18-The Aftermath

**Steam fills the** bathroom like a heavy fog. The moisture in the air is so thick that it's almost impossible to breathe, almost impossible to think. _Almost_. As hard as I try, I just can't seem to turn off my brain. I want nothing more than to go back in time, back to yesterday when I was blissfully in love and completely unaware.

_He tried to tell me,_ I think to myself as I finally muster up the strength to step into the shower. The water is scalding. The heat is nearly unbearable, the pain, a welcome distraction from reality. _He tried to tell me. _Does it matter? Does it really make a difference? Kendall is my friend, and although I've only known her for a short while, we have bonded. _He tried to tell me. _I loved him. I trusted him. I miss him already.

My knees buckle under the pressure. Pressing my palms flat against the shower wall, I lift my face up to meet the steady spray of the shower head. The hot water washes away the salty tears that stain my cheeks, but it does nothing to cleanse my soul of the utter devastation I feel. Losing Christian is like losing a limb. He was not only my lover but my friend. _Could I have gotten past it? _I can't change his past. I knew there were women that came before me, but why did it have to be Kendall?

Had he told me from the beginning would I have done things differently? I'd like to say that I would have walked away, but I know that's not true. Christian captivated me. From the very first day in his office, I was his and he was mine. I could have gotten past it. I could have talked to Kendall, told her the truth, made her see reason, but he took that choice away from me.

The steam is making me lightheaded, a perfect contrast for the heaviness of my heart. _He lied. He lied._ "HE LIED TO ME," I yell, my screams muffled by the mist. Screaming feels good. Anger helps with the pain. I could have gotten past the BDSM thing. I would have even been open to trying it. Ironically, Kendall helped desensitize me to that lifestyle. There's still a lot I don't understand, but for him, I would have tried. I could have tried, but his lies ruined us.

I hate him. Tears mix with water from my shower. The pieces of my broken heart are washed down the drain. I hate that I love him so fucking much. I hate that in spite of everything, I just want him to hold me. I want him to tell me that everything is going to be ok and we can get past this, but I know better.

Trust is a big deal for me. I trusted Christian. I gave him all of me, everything I had to give, but still it wasn't enough. He said he's different. He said I've changed him, made him better. He said that my love helped him heal, but Kendall's words echo in my head. _I came to warn you. He's going to do to you what he did to me. What do you have that I don't?_

What do I have that Kendall doesn't? We always joke that we are the same, fallen from the same tree. So why did he choose me? The answer is simple; he didn't, any more than I chose him. We were made for each other, he is Adam and I was born of his rib. _He lied, _my subconscious reminds me and I am back to where I started, no closer to a resolution and cutting it dangerously close for work.

I try to put the events of this morning out of my head long enough to get through today. Eight hours. I just have to last eight hours and then I can lock myself in my room for the entire weekend. I quickly wash up, rinsing away every trace of Christian from my body_. I wish there was a way to scrub him from my heart._

Wrapping a towel around my chest, I crack open the door and poke my head out, looking from left to right. The coast is clear so I tiptoe across the hall to my room as quickly and quietly as possible. Jose is lurking around here somewhere and I'm not ready to face him. Once I am safely in my room I shut the door and this time I remember to lock it.

Sighing, I rest my forehead on the smooth wood grain of the door. "Jesus, Anastasia, you're pathetic," I say to myself.

"I wouldn't say that," I jump at the sound of Jose's voice. Slowly I turn around and see him sitting on my bed, remote in hand and a cup of tea, bag out, sitting on my night stand. "Although if what Kendall is saying is true, I would go with cutthroat bitch."

"Fuck you, Jose," I scowl at him. "How could you even think I would do something like that?"

"Relax, Ana," he holds his hands up in surrender, "I was only joking. I mean you wouldn't have given that cocky asshole the time of day if you knew he was with Kendall, right?"

I avoid his gaze; not sure how to answer that question, I opt to avoid it. "I really don't want to talk about this right now. I'm already running late."

"Ok, fine, avoid the question, but you can't avoid this," he says pointing the remote at the TV and pressing play.

The DVR begins to replay last night's edition of _Seattle Nooz Live. "It's a gray day for the single men of Seattle. We here at Nooz Live news have confirmed that enigmatic billionaire Christian Grey is in fact straight and very much in love. You heard right, Seattle's most eligible bachelor has finally settled down. We've learned from a reliable source that Grey is smitten with the unknown brunette seen in these photos.__"_

My mouth drops open. Christian and I have only been dating for a week, and after our second-first date we haven't been together outside of Escala. Somehow they've managed to get pictures of me sitting on Christian's lap at the Coping Together carnival, us holding hands outside as we exit the underground tour, and me in his arms outside after the disastrous psychic reading.

_We have obtained exclusive video of the powerful CEO and the unknown beauty from last Friday night. It's hard to tell from this footage, but the man has been identified as Grey and yes, he is carrying his new love out of Fifty's, a popular sports bar in downtown Seattle. We're told that Christian and the woman were engaged in a heated argument inside the bar that ended with the billionaire picking her up and carrying her outside. No word yet on what these two were arguing about but judging from the pictures it looks as if they've kissed and made up. We will keep you up to date on the latest developments as more details become available. _

I can feel my bottom lip quiver and I try to rein in my emotions. Seeing my short-lived relationship played out in public sends me spiraling back over the edge, and the careful façade I just spent the past fifteen minutes building is crumbling like a house of cards.

"Oh sweetie, I didn't show you that to make you cry." Approaching me with caution, Jose grabs my hand and gently leads me to sit on the bed. He tries to hand me the cup of tea but my hands are shaking so badly I just end up spilling the hot water.

"You want to know what the most fucked up part about this whole thing is?" I sob, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them tight. "I love him too. I can't be mad at Kendall , not for barging in here, not for jumping to conclusions, hell I'm not even mad that she hit me-"

"What? She did what?" Jose shrills, shock written all over his face.

I shrug. "I can't be mad at her for any of that because I know exactly how she feels. I know what it's like to love Christian, it's like reading your favorite book for the very first time, you're completely consumed, it's almost like an obsession but eventually it ends and when it does you're left feeling empty, lost, and alone."

"What is it with this man?" Jose huffs in irritation. "I mean, he's got you and Kendall so dicmatized you can't see reason. She's banging on the door at the butt crack of dawn, and you." He says pointing to me, "I have never seen you like this before, ever." He covers his face with his hands, shaking his head.

"Dicmatized?" I repeat.

"Dicmatized," he nods.

"Mind explaining that one?" I say, smiling for the first time all morning. Leave it to Jose to make me laugh at a time like this.

"Dicmatized, a word used to describe anyone who is so hypnotized by a man's dick they can't see him for the fucking asshole that he is."

"Jose," I begin.

"No, don't Jose me. You may not have known the truth, but I can almost guarantee you he did."

I sigh, debating whether to tell Jose the whole story or let him continue to speculate. "You're right," I whisper, fresh tears prickling in the back of my eyes. "He knew the entire fucking time. He says he broke things off with Kendall once he realized how he felt about me," my voice cracks. "He said he tried to tell me. He said he never meant to hurt me, but how do we get past this?"

"Get past it? You are not seriously thinking about being with that douchebag?" he asks incredulously.

"I… well… I love him, Jose," I lift my hand, cutting off his protest. "I know he fucked up. I know I can't trust him and I know we can't be together, but please, as my friend, just let me grieve my loss. Not only did I lose Christian, but I don't think Kendall will ever forgive me," I admit.

"Kenny will come around. Once she finds out you were just as clueless as she was, she'll forgive you. Christian is the problem and as long as you know that, as long as you both stay the fuck away from him, I don't see why you can't go back to the way things were."

I swipe at the tears, rolling down my cheeks. "I love him." I repeat.

"Ana, you don't even know him."

He's right. I thought I knew him, but the Christian I knew wouldn't have kept something like this from me. The Christian I knew wouldn't have talked to Kendall the way he did. Most importantly, the Christian I knew would have been here when I got out of the shower, regardless of what I said. "You're right," I exhale, "I really need to get ready for work. Can you please talk to Kendall for me?"

"Of course, baby girl," he tucks a stray hair behind my ear, " I know you think you were in love, but Kendall thought that too, and look what happened to her. Can you be sure history won't repeat itself?"

I give him a sad look but stay silent. Christian may be a lot of things, most of them unpleasant, but I never once doubted the sincerity of his feeling for me. Why did he have to lie? I could have forgiven almost anything else, but l can't forgive that.

* * *

**I stand there**, tears silently running down my face, and watch her walk away. My heart is screaming at me to run after her. My legs won't obey the command, and my brain can't even comprehend living life without Anastasia in it.

What have I done? How could I not have foreseen this? I knew she would react badly to the truth, that's why I've held onto her for so long, but I never thought she would walk away. I told her I loved her. I've only ever spoken those words a few times in my entire life, and only to my mother and sister.

There is a searing pain in my chest. My heart is pounding, it's as if it's trying to escape, trying to exit my body and be reunited with the beautiful blue-eyed girl on the other side of the wall. I was wrong. I know that. I know that she deserves better than me, but I can't, I won't lose her now. Not for this, not for Kendall.

I slowly begin to formulate a plan. Enough with the fucking tears. Crying won't win her over, actions will. Time heals all wounds, I've spent 27 years alone, I think I can handle a few days. I'll give her the space she needs; Sawyer, the body guard I hired for her, should be in place Monday so at least she will be safe.

I get dressed quickly. I want to respect her wishes and be gone before she gets out of the shower, but I need her to know that I'll be waiting for her when she's ready to come back to me. I spot a notebook on the desk and sit down to write her a letter; the first line I write: _I was wrong_. I pour my heart onto the page, hoping to explain in written word what I could not with spoken.

Once I finish, I leave the letter on the bed where I know she'll see it and gather my things and leave. Staying will only make it worse, so as hard as leaving is, I know I have to.

From the hall, I can hear the shower running. I stop outside of the bathroom, resisting the urge to knock. Instead I rest my head on the door and whisper, "I love you. I will make this right."

"Over my dead body," I hear, low, deadly.

I turn to find the source of the voice. "Jose," I ask, raising my brow.

"Get the fuck out," he spits.

"Look," I growl, eyes narrowing in on him. His arms are crossed over his chest, his posture rigid. I don't think I realized before how tall he is. He stands eye level with me, and is about my build, only slightly leaner. "Whatever you think you know, you're wrong. Not that it's any of your fucking business; Ana knew nothing about my relationship with Kendall. I fucked up, but I'm going to fix it."

"Like I said, over my dead body. Don't you think you've done enough? Leave her the fuck alone."

"What goes on between me and Ana is between me and Ana. I could give a fuck what you think, her opinion is the only one that matters," I say, shoving past him for the door. Jose has a lot of fucking balls to confront me like this, especially when I'm feeling this on edge. It's taking all of my self-control to not take a swing at him.

"You made it my business this morning when you and all your bullshit tore two of my best friends apart," he says, following me to the great room. "I spent all last week consoling Kendall after you broke her heart and now, thanks to you, I get to spend all next week taking care of Ana."

"Good, she needs a friend," I reply honestly. "I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to hurt either of them. I didn't plan on falling in love with Anastasia, but it happened. I'm sorry for the way Kendall found out, but I'm not sorry for how I feel. I never lied to Kendall. I never misled her."

"No, you only lied to Ana," he snipes.

"I didn't lie."

"Lying by omission is still lying," he counters.

"I was going to tell her."

"You should have told her before you fucked her." He is not backing down; if he wasn't trying to interfere with my relationship with Ana, I would actually admire his tenacity.

"I get it, you're protective of her, if anyone understands that, it's me, but she doesn't need protection from me. I love her. I would never hurt her." I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself to him, but I want him to know I'm not the monster he thinks I am.

"Just like Kendall didn't need protection?"

"Listen, I'm done trying to explain myself. Kendall means nothing to me. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. We had a clearly defined sexual relationship and I cared for her as a person, but nothing more."

"Get out!" he yells, "and stay the fuck away from them, _both _of them!" He swings the door open and as I leave, he grabs my by the arm and adds, "I may be gay, but I'm not a sissy. I mean it, stay the fuck away."

Yanking my arm back, I get right in his face and growl, "The only thing keeping me from tearing you limb from fucking limb is that girl in there," I point in the general direction of the bathroom. "But if you ever fucking put your hands on my again, you will be sorry."

We stand there, sizing each other up for a few moments. "Oh and one more thing," I add, turning to leave, "Anastasia is mine. She may be pissed at me right now, but we _will _work this out so you can either accept it, or fuck off." I smirk, the patented, eat shit dickhead smirk, as he slams the door in my face and thanks to Jose, I smile my first genuine smile all morning.

**I head back** up stairs to get ready for work. Taylor is waiting for me in the foyer when I exit the elevator.  
"Taylor?" I question. He's dressed in his standard uniform, black suit, custom fit, white button down dress shirt, and shiny patent leather loafers.

"Sir, Ms. James is waiting for you in the great room."

"Kendall?" What the fuck is she doing here?"

"She said she needed to talk to you. She was hysterical. I can escort her out if you want, but she was so insistent I agreed to let her wait here until you came home. I made no promises that she could actually talk to you. Say the word and I'll have her leave," he adds, giving me a look. I'm not the only one who's taken by Ms. Steele; Taylor and Mrs. Jones are quite fond of her. They both liked Kendall well enough, but their loyalty lies with Ana.

"No, Taylor it's fine. I need to deal with this once and for all." He stands there, looking like he wants to say something, but decides against it. He gives me a terse nod and walks towards his office.

Taking a deep breath, standing up straight, getting into full-on Dom mode, my plan is to remain as cold and detached as possible. I don't want Kendall to misconstrue this little impromptu meeting in any way, shape, or form.

"What are you doing here?" I ask upon entering the great room. Kendall is sitting on the couch, staring listlessly out the window. Her eyes dart to mine; upon hearing my voice a myriad of emotions plays out on her face. Pain fades into anger. Anger gives way to sadness. The sadness shifts to longing, and finally the longing is replace with complete submission. "Don't!" I warn, my voice cold as ice.

"Don't what, sir?" she replies, eyes downcast.

"If this is what you came here for, you can leave now," I spit. "How dare you, after the shit you just pulled, accusing Ana of betraying you, you come up here to do the same?" I cross the room in a few quick strides, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her towards the door.

"NO!" she screams, transforming from docile submissive to woman scorned in an instant. "The least you can do is answer my questions. You owe me that."

"I don't owe you jack shit."

"Please," she sobs, "Christian, please."

"Fine." I let go of her and walk over to the breakfast bar. "You have five minutes."

She nods and takes a seat next to me. "Why?"

"Why what?" I'm losing my patience.

"Why her? What is it about her that has you so entranced? We could be sisters, yet you still chose her."

"Kendall," I begin, not sure where to start. "You're a very beautiful woman. You're smart, you're funny and outside of the stunt you pulled this morning, you're compassionate."

"So then why can't you love me?"

"Because you're not Anastasia," sighing, I run my fingers through my hair, trying to explain this in a way that she would understand. "Anastasia is all there is for me. She's my air. I need her to survive. Not only is she beautiful, but she understands me, like no one else. When she looks at me, she see the real me, and she loves me, flaws and all."

"I love you too," she whispers, a lone tear, rolls down her cheek.

"Kendall-" I start. Before I have a chance to finish my sentence she is on me. Her mouth finds mine and she kisses me with intense desperation. I am stunned; I sit there for a moment in complete shock. Slowly, realization dawns on me and I jump up and push her off me. She goes flying to the ground and in as controlled a voice as I can manage I hiss, "Get out."

"I'm sorry. Please Christian, I.. I don't know… I just thought that maybe… please don't tell Ana! I'm such a hypocrite. Please, I'm so sorry!" Still cowering on the ground, she mumbles out a pathetic excuse of an apology.

"Don't apologize," I fume. "God forgives, I don't."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you Ordlas for everything you do! Thanks Lulu Price for teaching me _Dicmatized ;). Thank YOU for your Faves/Follows/Reviews!_**


	19. Chapter 19- Here's to You, Here's to Me

**"Hey, Ana**, I just wanted to let you know that you're doing an awesome job," Jack praises me as he walks past my desk. "You are seriously one of the best assistants I've ever had."

"Thanks, Jack. This is my dream job. It's nice being able to help others express their visions, and I'll never complain about getting to read books for a living. I think I like being here more than I like being at home." I beam, looking up from my computer. It's been one week since the news of Kendall and Christian's relationship rocked my world and escaping to SIP has been the only thing keeping me strong throughout this whole ordeal.

"Well, we're glad to have you as a part of the team. Have a great weekend and don't stay too late," he says, shaking his finger at me. "You worked hard this week, go out and have some fun. See you on Monday." He gives a wave, then heads out the door.

I've stayed late every night this week. It's easier to throw myself into work than it is being at home knowing Christian is right upstairs. I don't know what hurts more, the fact that he's so close and I can't go to him, or the fact that he hasn't even tried to come to me. It's been as if our entire relationship was a figment of my imagination.

I finish up the last task on my daily to-do list and contemplate working on my projects for next week. Just as I begin pulling out Jack's notes on the next manuscript I am to read, the phone rings. "Seattle Independent Publishing, you've reached the offices of Jack Hyde," I greet.

"Anastasia Rose Steele, it's after five o'clock on a Friday, why the fuck are you still at work?" Kate's voice shrills.

"Kate," I sigh, rolling my eyes even though she can't see me, "I can't help it, it's been really crazy here, we are trying to get our latest manuscript ready for publication. The whole team has to pitch in to get it done." Technically it isn't a lie. We did have a manuscript go to publication this week, but we finished it yesterday.

"Bullshit."

I look up and see Kate standing in front of my desk, scowling at me, with her cell phone to her ear and one hand on her hip. She's wearing a charcoal gray pencil skirt and a pink silk blouse. Her hair is piled high on top of her head, in a messy bun, and there's a pencil securing the bun into place.

I stick my tongue out at her and slam the phone back onto the receiver. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to drag your little butt home. You've been here every night, you need a break." Walking around my desk, she begins rummaging through my desk drawers, gathering up my things. "Plus, you need time to take a nap, we're going out tonight."

"Kate," I groan, dropping my head on my desk with a loud thud, "I don't want to go out! I just want to sit at home, in my pink onesie, thanks for that by the way, and order Chinese take out."

"You've done that every night for a week, don't abuse the power of the breakup pajamas."

Kate has been surprisingly supportive about this entire thing. Aside from me having to physically stop her from going up to Christian's penthouse and ripping his balls off when she first found out, she has really been there for me. She even gave me a break up basket which included pj's, an assortment of candy, waterproof mascara, and a new Kindle. I've spent every night since in my pajamas reading and over-indulging on sweets.

"Ok, I may be slightly abusing the breakup basket, but my heart is still broken," I reply, trying to keep the tears at bay. In public, I am able to keep it together, put on a brave face, and pretend as if I am perfectly happy, but privately I'm a mess. I've cried myself to sleep every night, warring with myself, _Should I call him? Should I just say fuck it, and go to him?_

"Babe, I know you're hurting, I get it. I can't imagine how devastated I'd be if it were Elliot and me going through this. It's hard when you're in love, but you have to decide what you're willing to put up with. Don't make this decision based on what anyone else thinks because at the end of the day you're the one that has to live with it."

Kate has given me some form of this speech about a dozen times; although she is royally pissed at Christian for not telling me about Kendall, she understands how hard it is to let go when you're in love. Jose doesn't believe that you can fall in love with someone so quickly, but Kate's been there, she's there right now with Elliot, so she gets it.

"I know, I know, but I'm having a hard time getting past the utterly devastated phase," I admit, logging off my computer. I stand and reach for my bag, accepting my fate. I don't have it in me to argue with Kate, especially not when she's like this.

"And sometime this weekend we need to get you a real brief case," she says, eyeing my gray LL Bean book bag with disgust.

"What's wrong with my backpack?" I ask, wrapping the offending pack over my shoulders before linking arms with Kate.

"What isn't wrong with that thing? Not to mention it makes you look like a teenager. You need something more professional."

"No, I need something big enough to carry my sneakers in," I counter, waving at Claire, the receptionist, as we head out of the building.

Kate stops, just before we reach the front door, nearly yanking my arm out of its socket, "Sneakers?" she squeals, looking as if I've just slapped her.

"What?" I shrug, "I ride the bus. There's no way in hell I could make it to and from the bus stop in these things." I point my toe and wiggle my heeled foot for emphasis.

"God, Ana, I think you're intentionally trying to send me into an early grave."

"You'll live," I smirk and we go out into the Seattle sunshine.

**Kate and I** arrive back at the apartment and Jose is waiting for us with pizza and vodka.

"Good work, Malibu," he says, kissing Kate on the cheek, "now it's time for phase two." He turns to give me a kiss, then says, "We gave you a week, no more moping around. It's time to get back on the horse." Pouring a shot of the vodka, he hands it to me and commands, "drink."

"Wait a minute! I believe I was promised a nap," I say, refusing to take the shot glass.

"You said she could take a nap?" Jose looks to Kate, raising a brow.

"I had to tell her something," she defends, "She was going all team player on me. I knew the promise of sleep would sway her." Kate takes the bottle from Jose and pours two more shots, forcing one in my hand and keeping the second for herself. "Just one until after we get some food into you."

"Here's to you, and here's to me...Forever friends, we shall be...But if we should ever disagree...  
FUCK YOU and here's to me." Jose recites our traditional first shot toast and we clink glasses and down our shots.

**Four hours,** three shots, two boxes of pizza, and one nap later we are finally headed out for the evening. Kate and Jose somehow managed to work a miracle on me and for the first time, I have to say I actually look hot. Kate all but forced me into a white bandage dress that accentuates all my curves. It has peek-a-book cut-outs along the top of the dress. It is cut just above the knee and is sexy without being slutty; a pair of Kate's black studded Christian Louboutain boots complete the look.

Jose styled my hair in bouncy waves, opting, against my wishes, to keep my hair down for the night. My makeup is flawless. My face is contoured, my eyes are smokey, and my lips are painted blood red. In short, I feel like a million bucks.

"Ok, one more shot before the cab gets here," Kate says, walking into the great room. She's wearing a black strapless Herve Leger signature dress, looking like she just stepped off the runway. "Oh. My. God." She stops upon seeing me, her jaw hits the ground, and tears well up in her crystal clear baby blues. "Ana you look… I can't believe how fucking hot you are!" she squeals. "I mean you're always pretty, but right now I'm thinking about batting for the other team," she gushes, coming over to inspect me further.

"Welcome to the dark side," Jose quips, pouring another round of shots.

"Oh man, if that goat-fucking, scum-sucking, dick-licking bastard could see you now," Kate muses, using her new nickname for Christian.

"Fuck him," Jose snaps, downing a shot. "We're not talking about him anymore for the rest of the night.

"I agree, we won't talk about the slimy douche bag tonight, but I still think that you should talk to him eventually, if not to reconcile, then at least for closure," Kate says, throwing back a shot of her own.

"Don't start that shit again, Malibu. He's a liar. He'll do to Ana what he did to Kenny. It's who he is," Jose counters.

It's been like this all week. Jose and Kate have taken two completely differing views on what I should do about Christian. Jose thinks I should just sever all ties with Christian and move on with someone more worthy of my love_._ Kate thinks that if I really love him, I should at least hear him out, then decide for myself what path to take. I know that's hard for her, because her first reaction is always to protect me from the evils of the world, but Kate, as cynical as she may be, will always support me.

"Enough with the back and forth," I huff in frustration. "You guys realize I am an adult and fully capable of making my own decisions." I grab the bottle of vodka off the counter, and bringing it to my lips, I take a deep pull.

"Real classy, babe," Kate snorts.

I flip her the middle finger and take another swig.

Jose chuckles, grabbing the bottle from my hand, "Let's go, Lindsay Lohan, the cab is probably downstairs waiting for us."

* * *

**It's been seven** days since Kendall walked in on me and Ana professing our love for each other. Seven days since Ana told me to leave, and seven days since I poured my heart and soul into that letter. I know I fucked up, but I thought that once she read the letter, she would have at least sent me an email or a text message, anything to know she still cares. _You lied to her, dumb ass._

Giving her space has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I have found myself standing outside of her door every night this week, fighting the urge to tear it down and force her to hear me out. The only thing that's stopping me is the fear that pushing her for forgiveness will only serve to push her further away. So instead, every night I visit her front door and confess my undying love, then go back upstairs and wait for her to come around.

"Sir," Taylor says, standing in the door way of my home office.

"Yes," I reply, keeping my eyes on the computer screen.

"Your brother is on his way up."

My head drops back against my chair and I run both my hands through my hair. "Fuck, what does he want?"

Taylor stands there, his face remains impassive, but in his head I know he's yelling, 'how the fuck should I know? he's your brother'.

"Alright, when he gets here just send him in," I growl, going back to work. I will not let Elliot distract me. I have numbers to crunch and a date with Ana's front door, and I will not be sucked in by the shit show that is Elliot Grey.

I continue to chant my little anti-Elliot affirmation for the next five minutes. I will not let him distract me. I will not let him distract me. I will not-"What the fuck is that?" I ask, pointing to the bottle of liquor in my brother's hand.

"This," Elliot says, raising his right hand, "is a bottle of Jack Daniels. Jack, meet Christian, Christian, Jack." _My brother is an idiot_. "And this," he says lifting his left hand, "is the latest edition of Call of Duty. It's been awhile since I kicked your ass in COD so I figured, it's Friday, my girl is out trying to show your girl a good time, so why not do a little brotherly bonding."

"What?" I ask, trying to contain my rage.

"Call. Of. Duty." Elliot enunciates each word, as if he's talking to the elderly.

"Not that, and fuck you. Where's Ana?"

"I don't know, Kate wouldn't tell me." He shrugs, taking a seat in one of my office chairs.

"You seriously know how to pick 'em." I snatch the phone from the cradle and I dial Taylor's extension.

"Hey, she's actually on your side, although she has a colorful new nickname for you-"

I put my hand up to silence him, "Taylor."

"Sir."

"Where the fuck is Ana?"

"Uh." There's a pause, I'm assuming to check the gps locator installed in her phone. "She's in the building."

"No, she's out doing God knows what with Kate."

"Then she must not have her phone with her. Hold on, I'll call Sawyer on three way." There is another pause while Taylor tries to reach Sawyer, Ana's personal protection. Elliot stands up and walks over to the bar in the corner of my office and grabs two glasses. He heads back to my desk and begins pouring whiskey into the cups.

"Sir," Sawyer's voice rings clear in my ear.

"Where the fuck is she?"

"Sir, they just arrived at Club Trinity."

"Christian," Elliot interrupts, "Let them have fun."

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, "Sawyer, you call me if she gets too drunk. Don't blow your cover, but if anyone gets within a three-foot radius of her, you are to notify me immediately." I slam the phone down. She can have her fun, but she is mine. I don't care how pissed at me she is at the moment. Nobody fucks with what's mine.

"Lighten up, little brother," Elliot hands me my glass. "Bottoms up."

We clink glasses and I down the amber liquid in one gulp. "Alright, I'll play one game." I relent, standing up and snatching the bottle on my way out the door.

**"Fuck. Fuck.** FUCK!" I yell, throwing the controller across the room. Elliot has beaten my ass four times in this fucking game.

"Calm down, bro," Elliot laughs. "It's just a game."

"It's the only thing you can beat me at," I sneer, pouring more Jack in my glass. I am starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and it isn't helping me in this critical time of war.

"Hey, little brother, save some for me," he slurs, taking the bottle from my hand. "Golf."

"What?" I look at him like he's got two heads.

"I can kick your ass on the links too."

"Golf and Call of Duty. Nothing to brag about," I tease.

"Fuck off."

"Ahem," Taylor coughs, interrupting our little pissing contest.

"What is it, Taylor?"

"Sawyer called he-"

"Get the car!" I seethe, jumping up before he even has a chance to finish.

Taylor nods and turns around to execute his orders.

"Bro, I thought you were going to let them enjoy their night out?" Elliot says, following closely behind me.

I walk straight to my room and quickly change out of my sweats and into jeans and a white v-neck shirt. "Here," I say, throwing a shirt to my brother, "Put this on."

"Christian," Elliot calls out, "You can't just go barging into the club and drag her out over your shoulder. That's what got you into this mess in the first place. Besides, Trinity is huge, you'll never find them."

I give him a look that says _wanna bet?_ "Look Elliot, you can either come with or stay behind; either way, I am going to get my girl."

"Fine," he sulks, "but don't look at me when it blows up in your face."

**It takes** about fifteen minutes to get to Trinity, and upon arrival we bypass the long line of clubgoers and walk straight into the club. Sometimes being me doesn't suck. Turning to Taylor, I gesture for him to lead the way.

Trinity is massive. It's a two-level warehouse-style club that boasts three different dance floors as well as a VIP area. Each room has a different theme, and had it not been for Taylor corresponding with Sawyer, I may have never found Ana.

Taylor leads us to the Blue Room. Upon entrance into the room, I can guess why they call it that. The entire room is cast in a royal blue hue, including the blue, glittery dance floor. "It looks like a smurf took a shit in here," Elliot yells in my ear over the music.

"More like he caught an extreme case of diarrhea," I muse.

"There they are," Elliot points to the center of the room. Kate is dancing with Jose, while Ana grinds on the Justin Bieber look-alike from Fifty's.

"Justin fucking Bieber," I growl.

"Whoa, bro, calm down," Elliot says, grasping at my arm. I'm too quick for him, and I push past several drunken idiots until I'm standing right in front of Anastasia and the dickhead that has his hands all over her.

"If you want to keep your hands, I suggest you take them off my girl," I growl, getting right in his face. Ana is sandwiched between us, confused.

"Dude," the Biebs slurs, his eyes are glassy and I know he wouldn't be much of a challenge if it comes to a fight. "I mean no disr-dissss… I mean no harm."

"Christian," Ana finally breaks her silence, looking up at me with her big puppydog eyes. Fuck, I missed her.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Jose says, pushing me back. Taylor and Sawyer are on him in no time.

Ana shoots daggers in his direction. "Jose, I can handle this." She looks back to me, and puts her hands on her hips, "Call your goons off."

I can't help but smile, she looks so fuckable right now. Her long brown hair is swept over her right shoulder, she is wearing the sexiest white dress I've ever seen and a pair of heels that I can't help but imagine resting on my shoulders. "He started it," I grin.

She crosses her arms under her chest, and scowls at me.

"Ok, you win," I say, lifting my hands in defeat. "Let him go."

Jose rips out of Taylor's hold and comes right over to Ana, grabbing her by the arm, and starts to pull her out of the club.

"Oh, no." I yell, snaking my hands around her waist and pulling her back to me. "She's not going anywhere with you, not when she's this drunk. I'll make sure she gets home safely."

"Jose, they need to talk," Kate rationalizes, coming up beside me, Elliot not far behind.

"Now? What happened to goat-fucking, scum-sucking dick-lick?"

"He's still all those things, but Ana has been miserable all week, she needs closure."

"Ok, seriously, you guys are driving me insane!" Ana shouts, throwing her hands up and nearly elbowing me in the throat. She turns, loosening my grip on her waist, and continues her tantrum. "And you." She points, "you can't keep showing up, throwing these little he-man fits and expect me to just fall in line. You've ignored me for the last seven days, and now you want to talk."

"I haven't been-"

"I'm not done," she screams. "How did you even find me? Kate didn't tell Elliot where we were going and I left my leash at home."

I point my thumb in Sawyers direction, opting for the truth, seeing as my lying is what got us here in the first place, "He told me."

"And who is he?"

"Your bodyguard," I state matter of factly.

"WHAT!?" Her voice takes on a whole new level of pissed off-ness.

"Sir," Taylor steps in, "You should really be having this conversation in private. People are starting to stare."

We both look around and notice that people are in fact staring at us. "Baby, please just let me take you home. You can yell at me all you want, but I need you safe."

"Fine," she huffs, pushing past me and striding towards the door.

I turn to Elliot who tells me, "Go, talk to your girl. Kate and I will deal with Jose."

"Thank you," I say sincerely, and then I turn to follow the angry little brunette out of the club.

**The car ride** back to Escala is silent. Ana is sitting as far away from me as possible, looking like she wants to pour gasoline on me and light a match. Taylor and Sawyer drop us off at the elevators and I finally build enough courage to speak.

"Look, I'm sorry if I ruined your night."

_Nothing_

"So are you just going to stand there and pout?"

_Silence._

The elevator doors open and she jabs the button for the twenty-second floor with all her might. We stand there for what feels like forever. The whiskey from earlier, mixed Ana's sweet scent, and the confined quarters of the elevator are proving to be one heady combination.

I peek at Ana out the corner of my eye and I notice her looking up at me through her lashes. Our eyes connect and she bites down on her plump bottom lip. "Fuck this," I growl as I push her up against the wall. Her hands find their way to my hair as my hands venture up the back of her dress to palm her firm ass. My mouth collides with hers and we are a tangle of sloppy wet possessive kisses. Our tongues glide in and out of each other's mouths in unison, and we cling to each other, letting our need control our actions.

"Baby, we can't," I pant, forcing myself to pull away from her. Slowly, I begin to pull her dress back down, savoring the feel of her soft skin against my hand.

"Yes we can," she insists, pulling me flush against her body.

"No, not like this. We both have had way too much to drink. I don't want you to regret this in the morning. "

The elevator comes to a stop on her floor, and we both look out the open doors with sadness.

"You said if I need to be fucked, I should come to you," she whispers, a hint of melancholy mixes with the desire in her voice. "Is that no longer the case?" Her voice cracks at the last word. Her blue eyes shine as tears threaten to spill.

I drag my hand through my hair, taking a moment to debate the situation. I want her, the rock hard erection in my pants confirms that much, but are we ready to take this step? We haven't even talked about the Kendall-shaped elephant in the room, and sex would only complicate things even further.

A tear slips down her cheek as she starts to walk out of the elevator, and I am lost. She could ask me for the moon right now, and I would find a way to give it to her. Reaching out, I wrap her hair around my wrist once and gently tug her back into the elevator. I punch in the code for my penthouse before bending down and planting a wet kiss on her neck. "I've missed you so fucking much, Anastasia," I whisper into her ear.

"I've missed you too, Christian. This week has been hell," she moans.

I continue kissing and sucking and biting on her neck as we ride the elevator up to the top floor. My goal is to mark her, brand her as mine. _It will be a lot easier if you can get a ring on her finger. _

The doors open and I reluctantly let Ana go. Part of me is screaming that this is a mistake, but another part, a bigger, more demanding part of me is telling me I'd be a fool not to give this crazy drunk girl whatever she wants, and for some inexplicable reason, she wants me.

She walks slowly, seductively towards my bedroom, turning back once she reaches the door, unzipping the side of her dress. I watch, dumbfounded as she shimmies out of the skintight number and tosses it aside.

She is standing in the doorway in nothing but a white lace thong and those fuck me shoes. "No bra tonight, Ms. Steele," I grunt, adjusting myself before walking up behind her. I slide my hand across the firm skin of her stomach and down inside the front of her panties. Her head falls back as I slip two fingers inside of her dripping wet folds.

"Fuck," she gasps as my fingers stretch her out. She starts grinding on my erection and I slip my fingers out of her, pushing her all the way into the room. I barely get the door shut, and she is on her knees tugging at the waist of my jeans.

"No, baby," I murmur, lifting her up and carrying her to the bed. "Tonight is all about you." I lay her down at the head of the bed before taking off my shirt. Her eyes roam my body and I make a show of unbuttoning my jeans and removing them with a flourish.

She giggles, motioning me to her with her index finger.

"I love that sound," I say, obeying her command. I climb on top of her and bring my mouth to hers. I kiss her slow and deep. My mouth trails down from her mouth to her neck and I kiss the pink and purple love bitethat is beginning to form before moving lower still, licking, sucking and biting on each of her nipples. Finally, I make my way down to her sex and slowly peel off her panties, before resting my head in between her legs. Inhaling, I revel in her scent.

Her folds glisten with her arousal and I can't help myself, it's been too long since I've tasted her, fuck delayed gratification, I need her now. I devour her, attacking her clit straight away. Her hips buck at my unexpected assault and her whole body starts to quiver. "You like that, baby," I ask in between licks.

"Yes," she moans.

"You want me to make you come like this."

"Please. Yes. Please."

I bring my right hand down and insert two fingers in her core, stroking them in time with my mouth. I continue working her over with my fingers and my mouth, until she is right at the edge, I run my teeth along her cleft, biting down gently and that pushes her over.

"Fuck, Christian, I fucking love you so much," she yells finding her release.

I quickly remove my boxers and plunge deep inside of her, sending her spiraling into another, smaller orgasm. Her walls are contracting around my dick, squeezing and massaging, driving me insane. I thrust inside of her deeper and harder, pushing her towards another orgasm.

"I love you so much baby," I grunt. "God, you're so tight."

"mhmmmmm," she is a jumble of sensation, her body bucking against mine in search of relief.

I reach under her, grabbing her ass, angling her so that I can drive deeper inside of her. I set a punishing pace, as I continue biting and kissing her neck, making my message loud and clear, this girl is mine.

Her body quivers and I can feel her insides contracting, "Baby.. I can't…not again.. please.." she begs, but I keep pounding until she falls, once more.

Two more strokes and I can feel myself start to lose control. Just as I am about to find my release, I realize I fucked up. "Shit," I hiss as I pull out just in time.

"What?" she asks, sitting up on her elbows, "Christian, what's wrong?" She looks at me in horror as she puts two and two together. She dips her hand into the milky white liquid now splattered on her belly and her head falls back as she struggles to contain her laughter. "Is that… Christian, did you just come on my stomach?" she giggles.

"Anastasia, this is not funny," I reprimand, trying to keep a straight face. "You could have gotten pregnant."

"Baby, relax, you pulled out… just in time," she is now laughing hysterically.

"Fuck you," I snap, standing up and walking towards the en suite.

"You just did," she retorts.

"You and your smart mouth," I smirk. Returning with a damp towel, I attempt to clean up the mess I made on my drunk giggling girlfriend's belly. "We should get you in the shower."

"No!" she pouts. "I don't think my legs could make it."

"Fine," I huff, taking the towel to the hamper. I grab a t-shirt for her to sleep in on my way back to the bed. "Sit up," I command. She complies and I pull the shirt over her head and she falls back snuggling under the covers. I get dressed and pull her to me, her back to my front, and I settle in for the first night of peaceful sleep I've had all week.

**Sunlight** **floods** through the windows, and I turn over and reach for my girl. My eyes fly open and panic sets in as I realize she's gone. In her place is a note:

_I'm sorry. Last night was a mistake. Nothing's changed._

_-xx Ana._

* * *

**A/N: Thanks Ordlas, for beta'n. Thanks Charhamblin for Kate's nickname for CG. Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews!**


	20. Chapter 20-The Morning After

**She ran.** I can't believe she ran. I knew having sex was a bad idea, but I thought she would at least stick around long enough to let me explain. I look down at the note once more, dissecting it line by line. _I'm sorry. _ Sorry for what? For using me or for running or for last night in general? _Last night was a mistake. _She wasn't saying that when she was begging me to fuck her in the elevator. _Nothing's changed. _I don't know how she can even think that after reading the letter I wrote. I poured my fucking heart into that thing. I put myself out there and I was honest and yet that still wasn't enough for her.

Anger builds in my chest. I am beyond pissed. Throwing the blanket aside, I leap out of bed and search for my shoes. _Fuck sitting and waiting. _Anastasia is going to hear what the fuck I have to say. Once I'm in the closet, I find a pair of sneakers and slip them on, not bothering to tie the laces. I'm a mess. I'm wearing a white ribbed tank top and a pair of gray flannel pajama pants. Last night's whiskey is threatening to make a comeback. None of that matters though because I need to resolve this. I need my girl to be back in my arms where she belongs.

I head to the elevators and push the call button. I stand there so caught up in my anger I almost don't notice Taylor waiting for me. "What is it?" I spit, frustration evident in my voice. I turn to glare at him, stonefaced, impassive.

"I just," he begins, looking as if he is struggling with what to say next. "Ms. Steele is worth a thousand submissives." He's looking straight into my eyes, bracing himself for my reaction.

"I know," I whisper, my mask slipping for just a moment.

"She's hurting as badly as you are, she just needs time to reconcile the loss of her friend." He takes a moment, choosing his words carefully. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

I grunt, "More freely than you already are?"

He nods.

"You have until the elevator arrives, then it's back to business as usual," I growl. Taylor is normally the poster child for professionalism. He has never giving his opinion about anything I do in my private life. I trust this man with my life, so if he is choosing to weigh in now, when I am so completely out of my depth, I'm smart enough to listen.

"Aside from the other Mr. Grey, you don't have many friends. I know it must be hard for you to understand why Ana is so attached to Kendall after only knowing her for a short period of time, but you must surely appreciate now how you can come to care a great deal for someone you've only just met." He takes a deep breath and continues, "She has to work out for herself whether or not Ms. James is suppose to be in her life forever, or if only for a moment. Regardless of the length of time they've known each other do you really think someone as loving and compassionate as Ms. Steele could actually just give up on a friendship without even trying to salvage it?"

"She gave up on me."

"If you truly believe that then maybe you don't deserve her," he gives me a sad look, then retreats to his office.

The elevator arrives and I walk in only slightly less pissed off than I had been before. I know Taylor is right; Ana is trying to do right by her friend. I just don't understand why that has to be at the expense of our relationship. If Kendall wants to remain friends with Ana, then she needs to accept that I am in Ana's life and respect our relationship. I am not giving up on Anastasia, and last night is proof that she isn't ready to give up on me either.

I arrive on the twenty-second floor, determined as ever to make Ana see reason. I pound on the door so hard that I am almost certain I've awakened the neighbors. "Anastasia, open the damn door!" I yell as my fists continue their assault. "I'm not leaving until you fucking talk to me."

The door swings open and my brother is standing there in his boxers, a mixture of sleep and confusion etched across his face. "Christian, what the fuck, man?" he yawns.

"Where. Is. She." I grind out each word, pushing past him into the apartment. "Ana! I know you're here." I storm into the great room; it's empty. I head in the direction of her room and Elliot is hot on my heels.

"You need to calm the fuck down, little brother," he says, panic evident in his voice. He's seen me like this before, hell, I spent most of my adolescence like this, and he knows what I'm capable of. "You're only going to make things worse."

"No," I snap, stopping to face him, jabbing my finger in his chest. "_She_ fucked up this time, not me. The only thing I did wrong was give her what she practically begged me for, so she's going to listen to what the fuck I have to say."

I reach the end of the hall, and push Ana's door open. She's on the bed cradled in Kate's arms. Her face is puffy and her eyes are red. If I didn't want to take her upstairs and strap her to my whipping bench, I would actually feel bad for her.

"Christian, would you please just leave us alone right now?" Kate says, her voice deadly. The look in her eyes tells me she is not to be fucked with.

"No. I need to talk to Anastasia. Alone."

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now," Kate seethes.

"She doesn't have to talk, but there are some things I need to say and the least she can do is listen."

"Come on Kate, babe, let them talk," my brother sighs.

Kate narrows her eyes at Elliot, then looks to Ana, "What do you want to do, sweetie?"

"It's fine…" she sniffs. "It's what we should have done last night." Her voice is hoarse, thick with tears.

"If you need me, I'll be right out there," Kate promises. "Just say the word, and I'll be here."

Ana nods and gives Kate a hug and then she and Elliot leave, closing the door behind them.

I stand there, glaring at her, trying to rein in my temper enough to begin. I don't want to scare her, but I am more than a little pissed. "Anastasia," I begin, running my fingers through my hair," I love you so fucking much it hurts."

A tear slips from her eye and rolls down her cheek, yet still she says nothing.

"From the moment you fell into my office I knew I was in trouble. I… I don't know… I'm sorry for not telling you about Kendall in the beginning, but I don't understand why that has to be a deal breaker. Why can't we get past this? After last night I thought… well obviously I wasn't thinking… Why the fuck did you run?"

"I didn't run," she croaks.

"Don't give me that bullshit, you ran like a fucking bat outta hell. Why are you fighting this? I poured my heart out to you and this is all I get in return?" I ask, holding up the fucking noteshe left on my pillow.

"Last night was a drunken mistake, Christian. I regret that it ever happened, so forgive me if I wanted to give myself a modicum of dignity and avoid the awkward morning after."

"How can you say that? I love you and you love me. I regret that we didn't talk first. I regret not telling you all this before now. I sure as hell regret falling asleep but I don't regret being with you. I'll never regret that. You are mine, always."

"Christian, we broke up."

"No, you ran when things got hard. Then you ran again last night after we made love."

"We didn't make love. We fucked. It meant nothing," she sobs. Her eyes are awash with sadness. "I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise.

"You're a terrible liar, Anastasia." My heart can't take this, my head won't accept it.

"I'm not lying." She pouts, looking anywhere but in my eyes.

"Prove it." I growl, pulling her up from the bed. My hands dig into her arms and I want to shake her until she sees reason. Instead I place my hand on either side of her head, forcing her to look at me. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you're over us. Tell me that you don't still love me, and that last night was a mistake. If you can do that, I'll leave you alone forever."

She looks at me, the pain evident in her face. "What difference does it make? What would that change? I can't be with someone who isn't honest. I can't be with someone who would keep something like that from me. I can't be with someone who would just toss another person to the side so callously just because something better comes along."

"Why are you so concerned about Kendall?" I spit. "Trust me baby, she couldn't give two fucks about you. She more than proved the type of person she really is last Friday, but it's ok, she'll get what's coming to her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She looks up at me, horrified.

"It means, she signed a Non-Disclosure agreement and she broke it. I'm well within my legal right to take action against her." Kendall will pay for what she did.

"You're going to sue her?" Sadness turns to anger, and Ana is shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

"She brought this on herself."

"Christian, you're a fucking billionaire. She has nothing, what's the point?"

"The point is you don't fuck with Christian Grey and get away with it."

"I can't… Christian you can't do this… I can't believe this."

"Why the fuck not? She ruined us. You have this skewed mental image of the type of person I am because of her and I know that if it wasn't for her, we wouldn't even be having this discussion."

"No, _you_ ruined us. You lied, remember?"

I sigh. This is getting us nowhere. "I explained to you why I did that," I whisper in defeat. I bend down, gently, pressing my lips to hers. I linger there, even now, when I want to tie her up and beat the shit out of her, I can't help but be pulled in by whatever spell she's cast upon me. "I love you. You are the only girl I will ever love. Just think about what I wrote. I meant everything I said in that letter. When you're ready to talk, you know where to find me." I kiss her again, a kiss unlike any of the others we've shared. This kiss is sad and unsure. Reluctantly, I let go of her arms, and walk away. Taylor's words from earlier are my only consolation, _some people are in your life for a moment and some people are there forever_. Anastasia is supposed to be in my life forever. I will give her one more week, Jose's art show is her deadline, I cannot survive without her any longer than that.

* * *

**Christian turns** to leave and my heart constricts. I didn't think it could break anymore than it already has, but this morning, waking up in his arms and realizing that I couldn't stay there hurt just as badly as when I found out about Kendall.

In hindsight, I know last night was a colossal lapse in judgment. We have so much that's been left unresolved, so much that needed to be said but instead I begged him to fuck me. I am pathetic. I just wanted to forget for one night and be happy Christian and Ana again. I have been miserable without him; then when he showed up at Trinity last night, I couldn't help myself. I love him, he's the only man I've ever loved but I know in my heart, I can't be happy with him at Kendall's expense.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I open the door, and there is Kate with my pink onesie tucked under one arm and a cup of tea. "Why do you have that?" I smile a sad smile, moving aside to let her in.

"Last night, while you were taking your nap, Jose and I thought it best if we cut you off, cold turkey." She explains, handing me the pilfered pj's. "But I think desperate times call for desperate measures."

I turn to look in the mirror, taking in my appearance. I'm still in the white dress I wore to the club, my hair is a tangled mess, my face is red and blotchy, traces of last night's smokey eyes are streaking my cheeks, and the big purple hickey on my neck completes my look. "I look like a got hit by a bus."

"Yes, yes you do. Now go get cleaned up, you've got some explaining to do."

**I take** a few minutes to compose myself, changing out of my club clothes and washing my face. I slip on my onesie and head back to my room to face the Kavanaugh Inquisition.

Once I'm settled on the bed with my tea, Kate wastes no time, "Care to tell me why you were banging on my bedroom door at six o'clock this morning?"

I take a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. "Christian and I had sex," I blurt out, so much for organized.

"What? Wait, what?" Kate sputters, spitting her coffee. "I mean I saw the hickey but I didn't think you did that! What?"

"I know," I groan, hiding my face in my hands, "I know it was stupid but I was so pissed off, I mean security, really? REALLY?" I squeal, "and then we were in the car, and he was all, _I'm sorry for ruining your night _ blah blah blah. By the time we got in the elevator I was ready to kill him, but the stupid elevator gods had a different idea. Next thing I know, we're kissing, and I mean going at it, and all my anger dissolves and Kate, he tried to stop me. He wanted to talk, but nooooooooo, I begged him!"

"Whoa, babe, slow down, you lost me at the part where you said you had sex! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I wasn't. I… Oh. My. God."

"What?" Kate asks.

"We didn't use protection." How could I be so fucking stupid?

"WHAT! Anastasia Rose Steele, how could you be so fucking stupid?" Kate scolds.

"I know," I bang my head against the headboard, hoping to knock some sense into my brain. "What would I even do with a baby?"

"Well, thank fuck for Plan B. If last night is any representation of your decision making skills, then I'm going to pray for your future offspring."

"First, screw you. Like you've never done anything you regretted while you were drunk. And second, what's Plan B?"

"First, I've done plenty of stupid things while under the influence, but you're supposed to be the mature one. And second, it's the morning after pill, we can swing past the pharmacy and pick it up later. No Grey baby for you."

I sigh, letting out the breath I've been holding ever since I realized my blunder. "Just because I'm not immature doesn't mean that I'm not twenty-one. Yes, I am usually more responsible, but I'm human, I'm going to make mistakes."

"I know babe, I'm sorry." We are quiet for a minute. "So why was Christian so pissed?"

"Because I left before he woke up this morning. Apparently he thought that three orgasms was enough to make me forget about his lies."

"Three? Oh my, now I see why you call it Thor."

"Kate!" A pang jealously courses through my body. I know it's irrational, but then so was Christian being Kendall's secret Dom boyfriend. "Could you not talk about his penis please?"

"Fine, jeez you are a bitch when you're hung over. Anyway, so you just left. No goodbye, nothing?"

"No, I left a note."

"You Dear John'd him? Ana, come on now, I'm on your side here, but you are really making it hard for me," she teases, taking another sip from her mug.

"I know. It was a bitch move, but I couldn't face him. Even today I just wanted to tell him everything is going to be ok, and we'll get past this somehow," I confess. I do love him, but I can't have both Christian and Kendall in my life. I was ready to gouge out Kate's eyes for even mentioning Thor; even if Kendall can accept my relationship with Christian, could I accept their past? Can I even trust him now?

"Why don't you?" Kate asks sincerely. "It's obvious that you two are crazy about each other. If it's real love, then it's worth fighting for."

"What about Kendall?"

"What about her? We've only know her for what, less than two months? If she can't accept it, then she's not really a true friend to begin with. He kept her a secret, your relationship doesn't even compare. Yes, it sucks that she fell in love with him, but that's not your fault. It's not his-"

"So it's hers," I snap. I get that their relationship was contractual, but her feelings are real and it pisses me off that everyone is just dismissing them.

"No babe, it's not Kenny's fault either. It's no one's fault. Shit happens. People fall in love with the wrong guy all the time, but you didn't. You've found you're other half and I think that you owe it to yourself to at least try."

"So now you're team Christian?" I ask, arching my brow. This is the same woman that threatened to end his life if he ever hurt me again.

"No. I'm team Ana. I will always be on your team, even when you're not." She smiles, standing to take her leave. "I think you should call Kendall, maybe meet her for lunch. You guys need to talk, and you need to be honest about your feelings."

"I know." I nod. _I'm just not so sure I am ready for another break-up._

"And call Jose. He didn't come home last night and he's leaving for Portland tomorrow. I know he's being overbearing, but his heart is in the right place." She says, turning to leave.

"Wait!" I shout, jumping up out of the bed. "When's the last time you checked the mail?"

"Umm. Yesterday, why?"

"Before he left, Christian said something about a letter."

* * *

A/N: Thank you Ordlas. Thank you Lulu Price for "bitch move." Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews


	21. Chapter 21- Keep Your Friends Close

**I spent the** rest of Saturday morning trying to work the up the nerve to call Kendall. Kate's right, I need to talk to her. I need to explain my side and tell her how I feel. I've been avoiding my problems all week, when I should have just put on my big girl pants and faced them head on. The longer I leave these issues unresolved, the worse they will get.

Reaching into my bedside drawer, I pull out my blackberry. It has lain hidden away in this drawer since Christian and I broke up and I can't bring myself to get rid of it. It's one of the last physical ties that bind me to him and switching back to my old phone would make our current situation all too real.

"Ana," Jose calls from outside my bedroom door. "Babe, can I come in?"

"Just a second," I say, as I yank the pony tail holder out of my hair, pushing the mass of brown tangles over my left shoulder in an attempt to cover the hideous hickey Christian left on my neck_._ Jose was pissed last night when I left with Christian, and there is no way he'd be as understanding about us hooking up as Kate was. "Come in," I yell once the offending mark is safely hidden away underneath my hair.

Jose walks in and he is as beautiful as ever. He's fresh from the shower, his hair is damp, his tan skin is glowing, and his familiar scent, strawberries, instantly makes me giggle. "Did you use my soap, _again?_" I accuse between giggles. Jose is a walking contradiction; on the outside, he's tall, athletic and manly, but on the inside, he has this quiet air of femininity that not only makes him a remarkable photographer but also a kind, loving, and devoted friend.

"I couldn't help myself," he grins mischievously. "It smells so damn good." Coming over to the bed, he plops down with a slight bounce and asks, "What'cha doin?"

"I was just about to call Kendall," I frown. "Then I need to run to the store. I'm thinking about switching soaps - strawberry scented body wash is the root of all evil." _Had it not been for the body wash, he would probably still be with her, _my subconscious sneers, although she's probably right. "Hey, Jose," I start, unsure how to broach this subject.

"Yes?" he eyes me warily, the sound of my voice giving him cause for suspicion.

"When did you last check the mail?" I need to know what that damn letter said.

"Umm, not at all this week, but I'm pretty sure Kate checked it yesterday," he answers, confused by my line of questioning.

"Oh, well ok," I mutter hoping to drop the subject._ Nope, didn't think so. _

"Why? Are you expecting something from Ray?"

"No. Christian said he sent me a letter but I haven't gotten anything yet." I shrug trying to pretend like this whole letter business hasn't consumed most of my day. I actually intercepted the mailman this afternoon when he dropped off the Saturday delivery. "Maybe Monday."

He rolls his eyes and purses his lips, like he wants to comment, but he decides against it.

"Jesus, Jose, what is your fucking problem?" I snap, impulsively.

"_He_ is my problem, Ana. He's changed you and not for the better." He growls, his words are like a slap in the face, tears prickle in my eyes from the pain. "The Ana I know would never put up with this shit from anyone. The Ana I know is this cool, self-assured girl who is innocent and loyal and exudes a quiet strength." He pauses, digging in his pocket and producing a small digital camera; it's one he carries with him because 'you never know when inspiration will strike.' Turning on the device, he flips through a few pictures until he finds the one he is looking for. "This is the Ana I know," he declares, showing me a picture he took on the day we moved in; my hair is wild and windblown, my eyes shine with naughtiness, and I am flipping off the camera.

"I'm still that girl," I sob, pointing to the picture. "I am just a little sadder right now, that's all. I don't understand why it was ok for Kate to wear her pink bunny pajamas for a month when she broke up with Steve. Or why we weren't allowed to say anything when you took only black and white still life images after Brooklyn dumped you. Or why Kendall was able to hide away for two weeks, barely making contact with the outside world when, well, you know when." I hesitate, not wanting to think about Christian and Kendall right now. "But when I have my heart shattered for the first time, I'm just supposed to pick up the pieces and go on with life like nothing's happened?"

Jose is quiet for a moment, taking in my words. "I'm a dickhead," he says, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

"Yes, you are," I whisper, wedging myself in between his arms, "but I love you anyway."

"I just hate seeing you like this, baby girl. I hate him for what he did to Kendall, but I could kill him for what he's done to you." He rests his head on top of mine and we sit there, enjoying the closeness that has slowly dwindled since I met Christian.

"I thought you were blaming me for what happened to Kendall. Like you thought I intentionally set out to hurt her or something. Like you were choosing her over me," I confess.

"No," he tugs on my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze, "I love Ken, and although we have really bonded in the short time that I've known her, you are family, Ana. I know what's in your heart and I know you would never have done that to her, but he did. He caused all this pain and all this heartache and I won't sit idly by while he sucks you in again. I can't watch you go through what she went through."

"Jose," I sigh. "Christian loves me."

"Now, sure, but what about next month, when the thrill of two-timing you and Kendall wears off and he gets bored?"

"Ouch," I say moving out of his arms. "That was harsh."

"I'm not trying to be harsh; I'm trying to make you realize that men like Christian don't change overnight. He's still the same cold-hearted bastard he's always been, and I don't want you to be his next casualty."

"Christian loves me," I repeat. "Yes, he was a total asshole to Kendall and she deserves better and yes he lied to me and I don't know if I can trust him because of that, but I have never once doubted his feelings for me. I know you don't like him. I don't really like him all that much either right now, but I do love him and I'm not saying I'm ready to forgive and forget, but I need to know that if one day down the road, I decide to give him another chance that you won't hate me for it," I say, finally expressing my true feelings out loud. _Now all you have to do is work up the nerve to tell all this to Kendall._

"It sounds like you've already made up your mind," Jose spits, trying and failing to reel in his anger.

"No, I haven't. I don't know how to get past this and I don't know if I want to, but I need to know that whatever I decide I'll have your support. Like you said before, we're family and families may not always agree, but they're always there for each other, unconditionally."

"You know I'll be here for you, always, but what about Kendall? Who's going to be there for her?" he asks, sadness marring his beautiful face.

"You will, and Kate, and me, if we can get past this. I was just about to call her when you walked in. I need to talk to her. I need her to hear my side and we need to come to a resolution." My voice is firm. I love Christian; there is no point in denying it. I'm not sure if I'm ready to jump back into a relationship with him so soon, but Kendall deserves to know the truth. She deserves to know how I feel, and we need to figure out if it's even possible for us to remain friends.

"I think that's a good idea," Jose says. "You both need to put your cards on the table and figure out a way past this." He stands to leave, a look of uncertainty flashes in his eyes just before he turns to the door. "Ana," he starts, his back to me, "Christian isn't the guy for you. I know you're an adult and you can make you own decisions, but sometimes love isn't enough. I can't promise that I'll ever like him, but I can promise that I will always stand by you, and I will always look out for you." He pauses, "I'll keep an eye out for your letter."

"Thank you, Jose." I respond sincerely. "I know you don't approve, but it's really important to me. I need to know if Christian is my future or if I need to leave our relationship in the past. Either way, I'm dying to know what it says."

"I know, baby girl," his voice cracks, as he brings his hand to rest on the door knob. "I know."

Just as Jose closes the door behind him my phone rings. I pick it up and look at the screen. "Kendall," I breathe, both nervous and relieved. "Hello?"

"Ana, uh hi," She says sounding as nervous as I am. "I wasn't… I didn't think you'd answer. Not after… I'm so sorry for hitting you."

"It's ok, Ken. You were upset. I… I know how much it hurts, not being with him," I admit, hoping that counts for something.

"Oh," she sounds surprised, "I just assumed. I don't know what I thought."

"Kendall, I swear I didn't know about the two of you."

"I know. I was just so hurt and angry. I know you wouldn't do something like that, but I-"

"Wait," I interrupt. "We shouldn't do this over the phone."

"I can't come there," her voice is weak, cracking under the weight of our conversation.

"I'll come to you, or we can meet somewhere."

_Silence_. The quiet drags on for so long, I think she might have hung up, until finally her voice breaks through. "Monday," she whispers.

"Monday," I confirm, just before the line dies.

**I wake up** Monday morning to the blaring sound of my alarm clock. After my talk with Jose, everything seemed to go back to normal. We spent the rest of Saturday lying around with Kate watching a _Real Housewives _marathon and eating Thai takeout. On Sunday Jose left for Portland. His exhibit begins Saturday so he's going up there early to make any final edits before opening night.

I roll out of bed, anxious for the day to come. I'm having lunch with Kendall this afternoon, and hopefully I'll have mail waiting for me when I get home this evening. This letter business has been driving me insane. I almost called Christian about 100 times, but refrained because Jose and I were getting along so well I didn't want to ruin our last day together. His display will run for a month and he'll have to spend most of that time in Portland.

After I shower, I hurry to get dressed, throwing on a sky blue wrap dress, borrowed from Kate's closet, and a cream high collared sweater. It's a balmy August morning, but thanks to Christian and the giant hickey that's only just beginning to fade, I'm not left with a lot of other options. Kate stayed at Elliot's last night and I tried my best to cover it with makeup but I only succeeded in drawing more attention to my neck.

I head out the door consumed with dread for today. Lunch with Kendall can go either way. I am hopeful that we can maintain some sort of friendship, but I am not naïve enough to think that things can go on just as they were before Hurricane Christian devastated our lives.

**My morning zooms** by and before I know it Jack is kicking me out for lunch. I change out of my heels and into my sneakers and walk the two blocks to the café where Kendall and I agreed to meet. The sun is hovering high above, shining down upon the world, but even it does nothing to brighten my mood. Sweat is dripping down my back and my stomach is in knots as I mentally prepare to have the conversation I've been dreading.

I walk in and spot Kendall immediately. She's sitting in the corner, her long brown hair is pulled up in a messy top knot, and she's wearing an orange Maxi dress. Her skin is tan and she looks gorgeous in an effortless sort of way. I can't help but compare myself to her as I approach the table. We look the same, except she is a little taller, a little skinnier and her eyes, a rich chocolate brown, to my powder blue. _Master definitely has a type, _my subconscious chides as I slide into the booth opposite Kendall.

"Hi," I greet her demurely.

"Hi," she returns with a forced smile.

There is an awkward silence; neither of us is sure how to begin, but thankfully our waitress chooses this moment to make an appearance. "Hi," the bubbly redhead beams, walking up to our table. "My name is Stacy and I'll be your server this afternoon. I want to apologize in advance because our air conditioning is on the fritz. If you prefer, we also have outside seating."

Kendall and I exchange a look, and in unison we reply, "No, thank you," and erupt into a fit of giggles. _This feels right, _I think to myself as Stacy takes our drink orders.

Once she's gone, Kendall smiles, a genuine smile, "It's worse outside."

"I know," I agree, "I was sweating buckets on the walk over here."

We take a few minutes to peruse the menu, both still avoiding the inevitable conversation. It's nice, pretending that things haven't changed so drastically between us in such a short time. I almost forgot how well Kendall and I get along. It's reassuring to know that fighting for this friendship was worth it after all.

Stacy comes back over to the table and takes our orders; we both order chicken Caesar salads, but I doubt anything will get eaten today.

"Look," Kendall begins, "Like I said on the phone, I'm really sorry for hitting you. There's no excuse for it. I was just in shock. I saw the report about you and Christian and I thought… I didn't know what to think. I just assumed he contracted you to be his new submissive and swear I was coming to warn you. I knew there was no way you could have known about me and him, and I just didn't want him to hurt you like he hurt me." She pauses, taking a deep, cleansing breath. "Then when Jose let me in, and he made some joke about you two waking him up I snapped. I mean Mast-Christian, only spends Friday night to Sunday night with his submissives and he would NEVER sleep over. I don't even think he's ever set foot inside my apartment before," she recalls.

"I wasn't his submissive," I say, hoping to put our relationship into perspective. "He never even talked about his BDSM lifestyle. If he had, I would have put it together."

"I realized that once I heard the two of you. Christian has always been nice enough. He's always been generous, and he took good care of me," Although sincere, her words cut through me like a knife. "But he has never, and I mean never, told me he loved me." _Thank fuck. _"I was the perfect submissive. I was compliant, but not overly so, I cooked, I was punctual, I did everything he asked of me, but still it wasn't enough. When he told you he loved you, I think I just snapped. I just barged in and, well you know the rest."

"Kendall. I swear I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to fall in love with him. I never meant to hurt you. When I realized what happened, I was stunned. I was so blissfully in love that I think I just ignored all the clues. I mean, in hindsight everything seems painfully obvious, but when you're with Christian, the world begins and ends with him. I understand now how lost you feel without him." Tears threaten, burning my eyes but I force them back, not here, not now.

"So is it true," she whispers, her voice as unsteady as my own, "you broke up with him?"

"Yes." I reply emphatically. "That very same day."

Just then our waitress returns with our food. Kendall is looking at me, her eyes are red and filled with tears and unspoken words. I'm not sure if it's due to my confession, or something else, but whatever it is will have to wait until Stacy leaves us alone again. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"No, thank you," Kendall answers breaking our eye contact.

The heat is starting to become unbearable; the temperature is only partly to blame, more likely the heaviness of our conversation is what's set my skin ablaze. I peel my sweater off, desperate for some relief. "I don't know how to go back," I start, "but I would really like it if we can move forward. I've missed you."

"I'd like that too," she says, looking down at her salad. "I've been so stupid, so emotional. I'm so sorry." She looks up sincerely, meeting my gaze, tears running down her cheeks and for the first time in two weeks, I am hopeful that things will work themselves out. "What's that?" she asks pointing to my neck.

"Fuck," I hiss bringing my hand up to cover the angry love bite marring my skin, the heat apparently affecting my memory too.

"I thought you said it was over," she accuses, her voice cold, lifeless.

"It is," I insist.

"Well that looks pretty fucking fresh to me."

"It's not what you think-"

"I think you're still fucking him. Please correct me if I'm wrong." She pauses, waiting. "I doubt you're fucking anyone else, not so soon after having him. I know how good the dick is and I know how hard it is to stay away." Her voice is getting louder and louder with each word. "You almost had me fooled, hook line, and fucking sinker. Well at least now I don't feel so bad about what happened."

My heart stops. My world is spinning on its axis. I can guess what's coming next, and I don't know if I really want to hear it, but my mouth decides before my brain even has the chance to. "What do you mean?" I gasp.

"Oh, he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I grit. _This is not how this was supposed to go. We were supposed to bury the hatchet, not shovel up more shit._

"As soon as you dumped him, he came running home to me. I didn't understand at the time why he was so upset, but I didn't question it. Master knew I could handle the punishment," she smirks.

I sit there frozen. I can't breathe, I can't even form a coherent thought. How could she? How could he? If he really loved me, if she was really my friend they wouldn't have hurt me like this.

"You bitch!" I growl, picking up my glass and tossing water all over her. "How dare you barge into my room and make me feel like complete shit for being with Christian behind your back, and then go and do the same things you accused me of not even an hour later!" I say, reaching into my purse and grabbing a twenty. "This was a mistake. We aren't friends. We aren't acquaintances, we aren't anything anymore." I stand, staring at her with disgust. "Oh, and by the way," I sneer, throwing the money on the table, "When you were sucking him, you were tasting me."

I storm out of the restaurant, leaving a slack-jawed, soaking wet Kendall behind me. My blood is boiling and there's just one more thing I need to do to before I can put all of this bullshit behind me. "Sawyer," I yell, spinning around with my hands out. I know I'm causing a scene, but right now I couldn't care less. "Sawyer, I know you're here!"

Suddenly he appears, eyeing me cautiously. "Is everything ok ma'am?"

"I need your phone. I need to talk to Christian NOW!" I demand, mentally kicking myself for keeping my damn blackberry locked away in my night stand.

Reluctantly, he reaches into his pocket and dials Christian's number. "Hmm," I snort snatching the almost identical blackberry from him. Christian answers on the first ring. "Sawyer," his voice is panic stricken, "is everything ok? Is she ok?"

"It's me," I growl.

"Baby," He breathes my name in relief. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. In fact, everything is right for the first time since I've met you."

"I take it your lunch went well?" he asks unsure.

I roll my eyes, of course she told him about our lunch. "Fuck you, Christian."

"Anastasia," he warns.

"How could you? When were you going to tell me about what happened the day we broke up?" I question.

"Baby, it was nothing," he explains, his voice desperate.

"NOTHING?" I scream. "No, nothing is what we are. I'm done with you. I'm done with Kendall. I'm done."

"Baby, Kendall means nothing to me. What happened was stupid and I should have never let things go that far, but it meant nothing to me. I sent her home immediately after and I haven't so much as spoken to her since."

"FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN! Fuck you, fuck her, fuck your fucking letter, I don't even want to know what it says anymore."

"You haven't read it?" His voice is quiet, sad and confused.

"No, it hasn't come yet but it doesn't matter now, does it? Regardless of what it says, I can't trust you. What you did was unforgivable and no amount of mail will ever change that."

"Anastasia-"

"Goodbye Christian."

* * *

**A/N- Thank you Ordlas for all your help! Thank YOU for your Faves/Follows/Reviews! There are only about 4 chapters left in this story so hold on to your seats, the shit is really going to hit the fan.**


	22. Chapter 22- Liars and Love Letters Pt 1

**It's been five** days since I last spoke to Anastasia. Five fucking days and she's maintained radio silence. I replayed our last conversation in my head over and over and over again.

"_Sawyer," my heart races as all sorts of gruesome images run through my head. Sawyer never calls during the day and the fact that he's calling now can only mean one thing, "is everything ok? Is she ok?"_

"_It's me," she growls, pissed about something._

"_Baby," I breathe her name in relief. Thank God she's ok. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing's wrong. In fact, everything's right for the first time since I've met you."_

"_I take it your lunch went well?" I ask, unsure. I knew she planned on having lunch with Kendall, as per Sawyer's security report, but I figured interfering would only make things worse. Ana needs to find out for herself that Kendall isn't worthy of her friendship._

"_Fuck you, Christian!" She spits and I can practically see the eye roll she's giving me._

"_Anastasia," I warn. I love her but that won't stop me from putting her over my knee for being disrespectful. _

"_How could you? When were you going to tell me about what happened the day we broke up?" she questions. _

"_Baby, it was nothing," I explain, I didn't expect Kendall to confess to throwing herself at me. I know I should have told Ana, but I really didn't think it was worth mentioning. I put a stop to things before they got out of hand._

"_NOTHING?!"she screams. "No, nothing is what we are. I'm done with you. I'm done with Kendall. I'm done."_

"_Baby, Kendall means nothing to me. What happened was stupid and I should have never let things go that far, but it meant nothing to me. I sent her home immediately after and I haven't so much as spoken to her since," I implore. I don't see why this is such a big deal, it was just a kiss, a one-sided kiss at that._

"_FUCK YOU, CHRISTIAN! Fuck you, fuck her, fuck your fucking letter, I don't even want to know what it says anymore."_

"_You haven't read it?" I ask, confused. I left it right in the middle of her bed. There's no way it could have fallen. There's no way she could have missed it._

"_No, it hasn't come yet but it doesn't matter now, does it? Regardless of what it says, I can't trust you. What you did was unforgivable and no amount of mail will ever change that."_

"_Anastasia-" _

"_Goodbye Christian."_

"_Anastasia, wait. I didn't send anything in the mail. Hello? HELLO?"_

The line went dead before I could finish explaining. I called Sawyer's phone back seven times that day and she wouldn't talk to me at all. I went to her apartment and there was no answer. I called Elliot to see if he could talk some sense into her but he and Kate hadn't spoken to Ana at all that day. I stayed outside her door that night until four in the morning. I alternated between banging on it and trying, unsuccessfully, to break in.

I called her, I texted her, and I emailed her more times than is rationally acceptablend still got no response. I continued to keep watch outside her door, racking my brain for any clues as to why she reacted the way she did over a stupid kiss. I went full-on stalker mode Wednesday, waiting outside the SIP offices just to catch a glimpse of her. She's lost weight and looks frail. It's all the more proof that she needs me to take care of her just as badly as I need to care for her.

These past five days have been some of the darkest days of my life, second only to my time with the crack whore. I haven't slept. I can't concentrate at work and I have all but given up food. If it weren't for Mrs. Jones's care, I would have starved.

_Ring. _The sound of my phone snaps me out of the conscious dream land I've existed in for the last five days. "Grey," I snap. I've been on edge this entire week. Half the staff at Grey House would have probably quit if it weren't for how well I pay them.

"Hey, little brother, how's it hanging?" Elliot greets; he's been trying to get in touch with me all week, but I've been so preoccupied with stalking Ana that I haven't bothered to return his calls.

"Listen, I can't talk right now," I know he means well but I really wish he would just piss off.

"Christian, you've been blowing me off all week."

"I've been busy. I do run a multi-billion dollar company, you know," I remind him.

"Do you run it from outside Kate and Ana's apartment?" he retorts. _Fucking asshole. _

"If that's what you called to say then save your breath."

"No, I called to say you're a fucking douche bag."

"Elliot, you may be older and you may be bigger but I will still kick your ass," I growl.

"Wanna bet?" He snorts, "Seriously, Chris, you deserve a boot in the ass for even thinking about cheating on Ana."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on a god damn minute. I never cheated on Anastasia. _Ever. _How could you even think I would do something like that? Is that what she thinks?" I ramble. My mind is working in overdrive. "Who told her I cheated… FUCKING KENDALL!" I yell. Realization hits me like a Mack Truck. It all makes sense; she wouldn't be this pissed over a fucking kiss. "That lying bitch," I seethe. "I'm going to destroy her."

"I knew it!" Elliot exclaims. "I'm sorry for doubting you but when you didn't return any of my phone calls I had no choice but to believe what I was told."

"Look, I need to go. I've got to go talk to Ana and sort all this out." Now that I know why she's so upset I can formulate a better plan of attack.

"They're on their way to Portland. Jose's exhibit is tonight. They won't be back in town until tomorrow," Elliot explains.

"Thanks, Elliot, I really have to go." I hang up the phone and run towards Taylor's office. Ana will have no choice but to talk to me in a public setting, especially if she doesn't want to cause a scene at Jose's show. I will make her understand that nothing happened between Kendall and me, even if I have to handcuff her to my bed and show her the security footage from the entire fucking week.

"Taylor," I pant as I slide into his office.

"Sir?"

"Have Charlie Tango prepped for take-off. I need to be in Portland ASAP. Call the Heathman and book my usual suite; I'll only need it for tonight," I bark. "Also, touch base with Sawyer. I need to know where Ms. Steele is at all times." It feels good to be in control. I live for this shit.

Taylor nods, "Anything else, Sir?"

I smirk, "Let's go get my girl."

* * *

**The drive to** Portland was a quiet one. Kate thinks I'm putting too much stock into Kendall's words and I think Kate should shut up and mind her own fucking business. "Are you going to give me the silent treatment the entire weekend?" Kate asks, finally breaking the silence.

"I haven't decided yet," I mutter petulantly. I know I'm being childish, but I'm still so pissed off that I don't really care.

"Look, Ana, all I'm saying is Kendall obviously isn't the person we thought she was. She's a liar, a manipulator, and a royal bitch. Don't you think it's possible that she's making this whole thing up? I mean, you said it yourself, Christian loves you. He never loved Kendall, and to him you two were never even broken up."

"Then why didn't he deny it?" I ask, interrupting her train of thought.

"Did you give him a chance to?" she counters. _Fucking Malibu Barbie, why do you always have to be so damn reasonable?_

"How can I trust him?" My voice cracks on the last word, a fresh wave of tears streaming down my face. "He lied to me once, what's to say he won't do it again?"

"Oh Babe, don't cry," Kate coos as she pulls over onto the shoulder. She puts the car in park before unbuckling her seat belt and getting out of the car. She comes around to the passenger side and opens my door. I reluctantly join her on the side of the road as a black Audi Q7 pulls up behind us.

"Why…Why does this hurt so…so bad?" I sob, struggling to finish my sentence. "It's been three weeks and no matter how hard I try… I can't…stop… loving him."

"Oh, Ana." Kate wraps her arm around me gently nudging my head down on her shoulder. "You can't just stop loving someone, not if it's real love."

"But how can we get past this? How can we move on? He _slept_ with her!"

"Jesus, Ana," Kate huffs in exasperation. "You don't really believe that lying bitch, do you?"

"I don't know. Kate, I just feel so betrayed," I confess.

"Babe, I'm going to tell you this as your friend, and you can be pissed at me if you want, but I think it's time for you to take off the Montesano rose colored glasses, open your eyes and see that people suck. Not everyone is who they pretend to be. Yes, Kendall is funny and outgoing and passionate, but she's also selfish and self-serving. Do you really think deep down in your heart that Christian would ever cheat on you, and with her of all people? Do you think that he," she nods her head in Sawyers direction, "would still be here if he didn't love you?"

I stare into the window of the SUV as I digest Kate's words. "People suck," I croak.

"Yes, they do," she agrees.

"How'd you get so smart?" I ask, meeting her gaze for the first time. On the outside Kate looks like your typical blonde bimbo, but in reality she is one of the most insightful people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Her insight not only makes her an outstanding journalist but it also makes her an invaluable friend.

"Smart has nothing to do with it, Steele," she smiles, rubbing her hand up and down my arm, "I've just been around the block a few times, that's all."

"So what would you do if you were me?"

"If I loved him, then I would talk to him and hear what he has to say. Then I would make the best decision possible based on all the facts. One that I could live with, without regret."

"What if my decision is the wrong one?" I press.

"There is no right or wrong. You can't predict the future. There is no way to know if what you and Christian have will last for a lifetime or for until the end of the month, but if it's real and _unconditional t_hen you need to fight for it with everything you've got"

* * *

**This is it.** Today is the culmination of everything I've worked for, my first exhibit. It's my official coming out party, a fact that is not lost on me. I've spent the week in Portland organizing, framing, and styling the gallery to ensure that the pictures are not only on display, but so that they tell a story. Each photograph is a chapter in the book of my life. I have photographs of the places that have had a significant impact in molding me into the man that I am today.

There are pictures of my childhood home, the playground I used to go to with my mother, the parking lot where I had my first kiss, the graveyard I lost my virginity in, and my high school, where I discovered my love of photography.

Walking further into the gallery I have set up pictures from my time at WSU. The Art Building, the football stadium where I lost my other virginity, the view from the top of my dorm, and the river where I used to go with other art majors to smoke weed and daydream about how badass it would be to actually sell one of our creations.

At the very back of the gallery there is a special display. While the entire collection is personal, the back room is filled with the faces of those who have supported my journey. As I hang the last photograph on the wall, I step back and admire the fierce expression on Ana's face. She truly is my very best friend. _You lied to her, _my subconscious reminds me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to the portrait. "I kept the letter from you because I don't want you to become the person he's turned you into. I don't want you to lose your spirit." I stand there pouring my heart out to her photograph. Saying the things I should say to my friend, but can't. "I know you think you love him, but that's because you haven't experienced anything else. With time, and distance, I know you will agree."

Ana is strong. I know keeping the letter from her is wrong, but I can't think of any other way to save her. Kendall was wrong but she isn't as strong as Anastasia. Where Ana is strong and noble, Kendall is weak and insecure. Christian brought out the worst in her, and although I don't agree with how she handled things, I still don't blame her. He is the problem and that's why I must protect my friend. "I won't let him hurt you like that. I promise."

* * *

**The gallery housing** Jose's exhibit is located in the heart of downtown Portland. Floor to ceiling windows cover the entire front wall and soft yellow lights illuminate the building, creating an ethereal affect. The place is crawling with pretentious art school rejects, model types, and those just looking for a good party.

Taylor brings the car to a halt just outside the building and I hop out as soon as the tires stop spinning. Adrenaline courses through my veins like a drug. My heart beats faster and faster with every step. I've fucked more up in my relationship with Anastasia then I've gotten right but tonight I will fix all that. I've been trying to be someone I'm not for her, giving her what I think she needs and it's done nothing but make things worse. I am Christian Grey, I am a Dominant. I don't wait for things to work themselves out, I make things work.

I'm greeted at the door by a raven-haired woman with bright red lips. "Welcome to BlackFish," she smiles, handing me a pamphlet. "Are you familiar with the featured artist?" she asks, eyeing me like a hungry man at a buffet.

"Yes, my _girlfriend,_" I emphasize, "is his roommate."

"Oh!" she squeals in delight. "The blonde or the brunette?" she asks, a little too excitedly.

"Anastasia, the brunette."

"Come, you must see the portraits," she says leading the way to the back of the showroom. "They were a last minute addition to the show, but Jose insisted on paying tribute to those that supported him in his career. There's one of his father, one of his high school art teacher, a few of the blonde and-"

"Anastasia," I breathe as we come to a stop in front of a wall of black and white photographs of Ana.

"And seven of the brunette." The woman smiles, discreetly backing away, leaving me to admire the photographs in private. She is stunning and those eyes, even in shades of grey, they captivate me. They are different in every picture, in one they shine with mirth, in another they sparkle with mischief, and in yet another they narrow in anger, but the one thing that doesn't change is the impact that they have on my soul. Even in still form her eyes pierce through the black cloud of fuckedupness straight to the lost little boy I was all those years ago.

"Taylor," I choke, turning my head to look him in the eye.

He nods, understanding my orders without me even having to utter a single word. My eyes follow him as he walks over to the curator's desks to inquire about the paintings.

"Christian?" I hear Ana's delicate voice gasp in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," I turn to face the beautiful girl who has so utterly rocked my world.

"You shouldn't be here. Tonight is about Jose. I need time."

"I think I've given you more than enough time." I counter, taking a cautious step towards her.

"You need to leave," she demands taking a step back. "I can't do this right now, I'm not even sure if I want to do this. I trusted you and you broke that trust. That's not something I can just overlook. I'm sorry you came all this way-"

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere," I insist, moving forward another two steps.

"Please stop calling me that, my name is Anastasia."

"No, You. Are. Mine." I growl, punctuating each word with steps closer and closer. "I tried doing this your way and look where it's gotten us. I am not spending another day apart from you."

"Christian, you can't just storm in here and order me to heel. Relationships don't work that way."

"They also don't work when one person is being a stubborn pain in the ass who won't give the other person a chance to explain. You can't just pretend that what we have between us never happened. I know you still love me."

"Please don't do this," her voice, much like her resolve, is broken.

I use her momentary weakness to my advantage, closing the gap between us entirely. "We need to talk," I say, softly tucking a stray hair behind her ear. The spark that was always there ignites upon contact and I am lost in her baby blue eyes. "Baby, I know what you think I did, but I swear I haven't been with anyone else since you. I don't want anyone but you. You are my drug, my obsession, I would never do that to you."

"I believe you," shebites her lip "I realize now that Kendall isn't the person I thought she was. I know that your relationship with her wasn't the same as your relationship with me but you should have told me about her. Why didn't you tell me?" she asks, looking as if my answer will be the difference between life and death.

"I wrote it all down-"

"I never got the letter. It never came."

"I didn't mail it baby," I clarify. "I wrote it before I left your house that day. I left it in the middle of the bed. I don't understand how you could have missed it."

She stands there, lost in thought. She searches my eyes for clues, but finds none.

"Listen, baby, we can deal with the missing letter later, let's just go somewhere and talk," I offer. We need to resolve this tonight. I am not willing to spend another day without her. She can come willingly or by force, but either way she's coming.

"I'd like that," she admits. "Let me just say bye to Kate and Jose." She freezes and her mouth drops open as if she'd been hit. "Jose," she seethes, turning on her heel and storming further back into the gallery.

I follow her into a smaller room where Kate and Jose are standing near the far wall with two people I've never seen before, sipping wine and talking animatedly. "Jose Lorenzo Rodriguez!" Anastasia is livid and for the life of me I cannot understand why. "Tell me you didn't?" she asks, pain evident in her voice.

"Didn't what?" he asks, confused. His lip curls when he sees me walking behind Anastasia. I smirk at him, placing one hand protectively on her hip.

"Tell me you didn't take the letter Christian left. Tell me you didn't keep it from me this entire time knowing how crazy I was waiting for it. Tell me you didn't lie to me when I asked you point blank if you had seen it." Her voice is higher and higher as the two people he and Kate were talking to slowly back out, into the main showroom.

My vision blurs and my hand flexes, tightening my grip on Ana's waist. I am trying my best to contain my anger, but ever fiber of my being is screaming for me to rip his fucking head off.

"Please tell me you didn't," Kate pleads looking from Jose to Ana and back again.

"I… I'm sorry. He's not right for you Ana," he defends. "I just didn't want you to fall back into his trap because he wrote some pretty words on a page."

"Jose, that was not your decision to make. How can you judge him for lying and then turn around and do exactly the same thing?"

"I know it was wrong, but I swear I never meant to hurt you."

"Hurt me!?" she screams. "Jose, I've been miserable without Christian! You had the one thing that could have fixed that and you kept it from me." She pauses, staring at him as if he were a stranger.

"Where is it?" I growl, finally trusting myself to speak. Anastasia's warm body in my hand is the only thing keeping me tethered to my spot. I don't trust myself to let go of her because in this moment I could kill him.

"I'm talking to my friend," he spits at me.

"Jose, where is it?" Ana asks, stepping towards him.

I pull her back to me, wrapping both my arms around her, securing her in place. Leaning down I whisper, "Unless you want to visit your friend in the hospital, I suggest you keep your little ass put."

She turns her head and studies me for a moment and understands immediately.

"YOU SEE? That right there is why I didn't give you the letter. You're becoming his puppet!" Jose shouts.

"Jose, you need to calm the fuck down," Kate tries to talk some sense into him.

"No, not until he leaves," he spits, yanking Ana out of my grasp causing her to stumble in her heels and fall head first to the ground.

I stand there, stunned, staring at her limp form. Flashbacks of my childhood come crashing down_. My mother, passed out in a stupor on the couch. I'm sitting in the corner playing happily playing with a dirty teddy bear, my only friend. There was a movie playing in the background, some old VHS my mother had yet to pawn. All was quiet in our world that day, that is, until he came. _

_Boom. Boom. Boom. He banged on the door with so much force, the door rattled in its frame. My mother jumped off the couch, and in a rare moment of clarity, picked me up and put me down inside the closet. "Stay in here for a little while, just until mommy's friend leaves, ok?"_

_I nod, tears forming in my eyes. _

_I couldn't see what happened next, but I could hear it. "Bitch, open this damn door before I break it down."_

"_Just a minute. Just give me a minute."_

_The door creaks open and the next thing I hear is a deafening slap. "What the fuck are you doing in here smoking my shit, when your ass is supposed to be out there earning your keep?"_

"_I didn't have anyone to watch my son."_

"_Where is the little bastard?"_

"_NO," she begs. "Please, I'll get you the money, I just need more time."_

_The closet door swings open and I am looking in the face of the devil. "There you are. Come here. I'm going to teach your piece of shit mother what happens when she doesn't pay her debts."_

The last thing I remember was the look in his eyes as he lit the cigarette, it's the same look that Jose is giving to me.

I look to Ana as she clutches her ankle, pain scrawled across her beautiful face, my mother's face, and something in me snaps. "I'll kill you, before I ever let you hurt her again," I growl just before my right fist connects with his nose. The bone giving a satisfying crunch as it breaks under the pressure of my fist.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks Ordlas, for your help and your friendship. Thanks Quickster for your AMAZING review, you really get where i'm trying to go, and you gave me some inspiration! Thank YOU for all your FAVES/FOLLOWS/REVIEWS!.**

**Part 2 should be up later tonight or tomorrow. Since this is two parts it there are now 4 chapters left in THIS story. I'm not done with these characters yet ;). **


	23. Chapter 23- Liars and Love Letters Pt 2

**Ana is** clutching her ankle, pain written across her beautiful face. Seeing her like that, on the ground, hurting, causes something to snap in me and before I know it my fist flies through the air and connects with his nose. The bone gives a satisfying crunch and his head swings back. Before he knows what hit him, my left fist swings up and I connect with his jaw.

His body goes flying back and Taylor and Sawyer are on me in seconds. "Sir, you need to calm down. The other room is full of people who would love to sell this story to the tabloids," Taylor cautions.

"Get the fuck off me," my voice is quiet, deadly.

Taylor stares at me, trying to assess if I am calm enough for him to let go, then hesitantly obeys.

Kate is crouched down with Ana trying to see if she can stand.

"Here, let me," I say softly, picking her up and cradling her in my arms.

Kate looks at me, "Be good to her, Christian, or I swear I'll stab you in the dick with a rusty fork."

I nod, turning to leave. "Wait," Ana insists. "Jose, please, if you care about me at all just tell me what you did with it."

"It's in my room," he grunts, his hand pressing against his now broken nose. "In my top drawer. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I swear I never meant for it to go down like this." He continues to beg, but I'm done listening to his excuses.

I turn to leave; he can rot in Portland for all I care. I got what I came here for. "We're done here. Kate, will you be ok?"

She nods.

"I'm taking Ana home."

* * *

**Christian carries** me through the gallery and I feel my cheeks heat as every pair of eyes follow us out of the room. Taylor and Sawyer follow quietly behind as Christian makes his way to the black SUV parked off to the side of the building. Christian gently sets me in the car and buckles me in before walking around the car and getting in.

I am still in shock over everything that just happened. I'm so angry with Jose for keeping the letter from me and I am hurt that he lied to me about it. He was supposed to be my friend but now I'm not sure if I have room in my life for friends like that.

One glance in Christian's direction tells me that he is still fuming. His jaw is tense and his right hand is balled into a fist under his chin as he gazes out the window. "I think I broke my ankle," I blurt out in an effort to break the tension

Christian's eyes darken and he looks like he wants nothing more than to go back and finish what he started. "It's probably just a sprain but we should have my mom look at it tonight just in case."

"We're going back to Seattle?"

"Yes, I booked a room at the Heathman but we need to get you that letter and I want to get your ankle looked at."

"Christian, it's nine o'clock at night. By the time we get back to Seattle it'll be midnight. If it's not broken then it can wait until tomorrow," I reason.

"Let me see," he commands. I pull my leg up, turning in my seat so that I can put my foot in his lap. He eases off my shoe and examines my rapidly swelling ankle. "Does this hurt?" he asks as he gently stretches my foot in a circular motion.

"Ah yes. Yes."

"Can you wiggle your toes?"

"Yup," I say demonstrating with a slight wiggle. "How do you know so much about sprains?" I muse. "Did Grace teach you?"

"No, Anastasia, and don't you think we have more important things to talk about?" he scolds.

"I know but," I hesitate, eyeing Taylor and Sawyer in the front seat.

He rolls his eyes, "I'm not letting you out of my sight until we work this out."

"Ok."

"Ok," he repeats.

I nod. "We've been miserable apart. I'm not promising that things will go back to the way they were but I am willing to listen."

"That's all I'm asking," he says, rubbing small circles into my ankle.

We sit in quiet and I take a moment to admire the view. Christian is, as always, perfect. His copper hair is artfully tousled, his jaw is chiseled, and his eyes are smoldering. It still blows my mind that this gorgeous man wants me. _Calm down Steele, remember the last time you were in a confined space with this man. _ "So how do you know so much about sprained ankles?"

"I got into a lot of fights as a kid," he admits. "I've sprained, fractured, and broken bones more times than I can count."

"Oh."

"Oh" he mimics, patting my leg. "We're here." The car comes to a stop outside of a tall building.

"Huh?" I'm confused, "I thought we were going back to Seattle?"

"We are, we're flying," his eyes glint with excitement.

Xxxx

"I can't believe you know how to fly this thing," I beam, tearing my eyes away from the window to look at Christian. "It's kind of hot." I kid.

"Watch yourself Anastasia. I'm still pissed about the last time you were all hot and bothered," he growls, his voice ringing clearly through the headset.

"Oh yea, that," I bite my lip, suppressing a grin.

"Yes, that," he smiles.

"How long have you been flying?" I ask in awe. _What can't he do?_

"For a few years now," he shrugs as if it's no big deal. "It's strange having you up here with me. Good but strange. Another first."

"Huh?"

"Well, I've never had a woman in Charlie Tango. Hell, it's normally just me and Taylor."

"Oh. What other cherries of yours have I popped?"

He chuckles. "You're my first girlfriend," he admits.

"So we're not counting sex slaves?"

"No, smart ass, we aren't counting sex slaves."

"What else?" I press.

"You are the first girl to meet my mother and sister and the first one to sleep in my bed. You are the first girl I've ever loved, and you are the _only_ girl who has ever thrown up after I've kissed her," he laughs.

I blush a deep shade of red, silently cursing him for bringing it up. "That's a lot of firsts," I mutter, aiming for nonchalance.

"The first of many firsts." His voice is hopeful, sincere.

"Christian, I love you. I believe you didn't have sex with Kendall and thank you for breaking Jose's nose, but I'm still having a hard time trusting you. It seems like everyone I've put my faith in has let me down. I want us to be able to move on, but I don't know." Relief washes over me as I finally voice my fears and doubts to the one person who needs to hear them.

"All I am asking for is a chance to prove that you can trust me and that we can get past this. You are my first girlfriend, I'm going to fuck up a lot, but I need to know that you aren't going to run away every time I do."

"And you're my first boyfriend," I reply. "You're not the only one who's new to this. I'm sorry I ran, and I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, but would you honestly have reacted any differently?"

"I would have talked to you."

"Bullshit, Christian, you would have gone thermonuclear on my ass."

"And after that, I would have talked to you," he pushes.

"What do you call what we're doing now?"

He looks at me and smirks, "I'm not giving up, you know that, right?"

"I don't think I have much fight left in me," I admit.

Xxxxxxx

Christian carries me into the elevator and for the first time in weeks I feel content. We still have a lot of issues to work through but for the first time in our relationship we're communicating and things don't feel as completely hopeless as they did yesterday.

I snuggle further into his arms as he opens the door and carries me and my heels to my bedroom. He gently sets me on the bed and begins rummaging through my drawers.

"What the fuck is this?" he asks, equally amused and horrified, and holds up my pink breakup onesie.

"Breakup pj's," I giggle.

"We were never broken up," he frowns, dropping the onesie back in the drawer, instead opting for a WSU t-shirt. He stalks over toward me, "here, put this on."

"Thank you," I smile.

Christian turns and walks out of my room and I change as quickly as my bum ankle allows. He is gone for about five minutes and I am almost tempted to hobble out to see what's taking him so long. Just as I make up my mind to go after him he returns with a folded piece of white paper.

My breath hitches as he comes over to sit on the bed next to me. I have been dying to read this letter but now that it's here in front of me, I'm a ball of nerves. He tries to hand me the paper, but I shake my head. "Read it to me," I whisper.

Standing, he slips his shoes and socks off. Next, he removes his suit jacket before untucking his white button down and removing that too. He stands there in his trousers and white tank top and I can feel my stomach muscles clench with excitement. He's really here, he's really mine.

Pulling the covers back, he climbs in the bed and I snuggle up against his chest. He is quiet, his heart is pumping, and his hand is clenched at my waist. "One day, you're going to have to tell me about why you freak out every time I touch your chest" I whisper in his neck.

He takes a deep breath and leans over to kiss the top of my head, "One day, but tonight I have another bedtime story in mind." He takes one more cleansing breath, slowly trailing his right hand up my body before unfolding the long lost love letter. His voice is soft, almost delicate as he reads me the words of his heart:

_My Dearest Ana,_

_I was wrong. I see that now. You let me hold something so beautiful that I couldn't even comprehend how valuable it was before I dropped it. I broke it and you gathered up the pieces before I could even try to pick them up. I'm writing you this letter to tell you all the things I should have said out loud. _

_I could have loved you so much better. It's not your fault, I fucked up. I should have let go of my past for you. You've done everything, been everything I needed. I should have told you about Kendall from the beginning._

_At first, I didn't tell you because I was trying to deny my feelings for you. I thought if we had sex, the attraction would go away and I could go back to my normal life like it never happened. But the more time I spent with you, the more I realized our attraction wasn't just physical. You are more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine, they are the same._

_I love you Anastasia. I will always love you. What we have between us isn't something you can just walk away from. It will never be over and I'll wait as long as you need me to wait. You are mine and I am yours, now and forever more._

_With all my love,_

_Christian._

* * *

**A/N: Thank you Ordlas. Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews**

**Credit where it's Due: Christians letter is a mash up of Trey Songz lyrics and Emily Bronte quotes. **


	24. Chapter 24- Pillow Talk

**Ana looks up** at me, her big blue eyes glistening with unshed tears and her plump bottom lip quivering, but I'm unsure if it's in relief or in disappointment. I bared my soul in this letter, my heart says it will be enough, but my head isn't so sure. "Anastasia," I whisper. A single tear drop spills over the brim of her eye and rolls slowly down her cheek. "I know one letter isn't going to undo all the hurt I've caused you, but I'm hoping it will be enough to prove that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to-"

Without warning she pulls my head down to hers and her lips crash against mine. Our kiss starts out slow. Our tongues dance as we rediscover one another. Her lips are as soft and sweet as I remember them and her hand is gently tugging at my hair. I put my heart into this kiss, praying that she can feel how much love and respect I have for her. I pull back slightly, resting my forehead on hers, "I love you Anastasia, please give me another chance. I promise you won't regret it."

She meets my gaze and her eyes darken with desire. "I. Am. Yours." she moans, punctuating each word with a kiss.

"Always," I growl, lifting her up to straddle me.

"AH. Ah. Ah." she yells, reaching for her ankle.

"Oh, shit, baby. I'm sorry," I apologize as I sit her back down on the bed. "I completely forgot about your ankle. Let me get you some ice."

"I'm fine Christian," Ana winces as she settles into her spot.

"You're not fine, Anastasia," I reprimand, examining her ankle. It hasn't gotten any bigger but it's still swollen. "Maybe we should take you to the hospital."

"No, please, not tonight," she implores. "It's been a really long day, and I just want to be with you. If it's still swollen in the morning we can go."

I stand, assessing the situation, "If it gets any worse we're going."

She nods.

"I'll go get some ice."

As I make my way to the kitchen I silently curse myself. I seem to lose all control where Anastasia is involved but in this instance, I think it's for the best. Anastasia and I still have a lot of things we need to discuss and I don't want to put it off any longer. I am eager for us to begin our life together and I know that in order for that to happen Ana needs closure. She lost two of her friends because of me, and I need to know that she won't wake up one day and regret choosing me.

In the kitchen I quickly put together a makeshift ice pack and grab a bottle of water before heading to the bathroom to find some pain reliever and a towel. I know she's hurting right now but she's just too damn stubborn to admit it. As much as her stubbornness pisses me off, honestly, I wouldn't have her any other way.

Back in the room I find her sitting up, her back resting on the headboard, and her head turned toward the window. She is so beautiful bathed in the moonlight that I can't help but stand and stare. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am willing to fight with everything I have to keep her.

Walking over to the bed, I grab a pillow and prop it up under her foot. Next I lay the towel on her ankle and then set the ice pack on top. Once it's steady, I open the little bottle of Advil and shake out two pills. "Here, this should at least help you get through the night."

"Thank you for taking care of me," she smiles, taking the pills and the water.

"I will always take care of you baby, even when you're old and wrinkly," I tease, climbing back into bed to wait while she swallows the medicine. "So," I start.

"So."

"There's so much to say, I'm not sure where to begin." I sigh, grabbing her hand and locking her fingers in mine; I lift our hands up and gently press my lips to her knuckles. "I never meant for things between us to go any further than sex. I know how that sounds but if we are really going to do this, then we need a clean slate."

She nods carefully, "I agree."

"That's why I reacted the way I did when I found out you were a virgin. When you walked out that night I realized it couldn't be just sex with you. There was something about you, something so sweet and good and pure and I didn't want to taint you with my fucked up shit."

"You're not fucked up, Christian. Sad, lonely maybe, but not fucked up."

"Baby, I'm fifty shades of fucked up but please let me finish."

She purses her lips, but reluctantly signals for me to go on.

"So the next day I vowed to leave you alone and let you find happiness with someone more deserving of your love. Kendall was due that evening and my plan was to do whatever it took to get you out of my head."

"I don't want to hear this," Ana, says unlocking her hand from mine.

"Please," I beg, pulling her back into my arms. "Kendall was in the kitchen making dinner and I was in my office, tormented by the sadness in your eyes from the night before. I was so conflicted and I just wanted to forget you." I shake my head recalling my horrible actions that day. "I wanted to forget everything, but when I smelled your body wash I realized that you are the only girl for me and I knew continuing my relationship with Kendall would only ruin any chance of happiness we could have together. I terminated her contract right there on the spot and I came to find you, to tell you everything and to beg for your forgiveness but you weren't home. When Elliot called and told me you were with someone else, I lost all control. All I could think of was breaking that asshole's neck."

"So why didn't you tell me that after we got back together?"

"I tried a few times and I know that's not an excuse, but the more time we spent together, the harder I fell for you and as selfish as it sounds, I didn't want to lose you." I lean down and press a soft kiss on her forehead, "How are you doing with all this?"

"I…I don't know. I love you and I want to be with you but it's hard to hear it all out in the open." Her answer is real and her voice is raw, but I'm hopeful that honesty will be the first step in rebuilding her trust in me.

"The day that you found out was the worst day of my life. Losing you… I never want to feel that way again. You are my reason for living; I only merely existed before finding you. I wrote you that letter and for the first time I decided to put your wishes over my own. I left the apartment that day with the hope that once you read my letter you would be open to at least hearing what I have to say.

"When I got upstairs Kendall was there waiting for me and I don't know why, but I felt bad for her. I never led her on and I never made her feel like our relationship was anything other than it was, but I now understand that you can't help who you love. I felt like I owed her some sort of closure but the more we talked the more I realized that she wasn't looking for an end, but a new beginning and that's when she kissed me."

Ana tenses in my arms, but I continue, needing for her to know the truth once and for all. "I kicked her out immediately and I haven't seen or spoken to her since that day. Kendall and I haven't had sex since before I met you. Aside from the night I carried you out of Fifty's, I haven't so much as touched her. I swear."

She looks at me for a moment, debating my words. I'm lost in her eyes, silently begging for her forgiveness. "I know," she whispers, her gaze drops to my mouth and her plump bottom lip is trapped under her teeth.

I smile at her, my most sincere smile, "Just one more thing baby, then I'm going to spend the rest of the night showing you exactly how much I love you."

Rolling her eyes, she sighs, "you're killing the mood."

Chuckling, I promise, "Baby, if you just let me get through this last thing, I guarantee I'll take care of you."

"Fine," she half smiles and half pouts.

"Jose-," I begin

"God, now you've really killed it."

"You're pissed right now but soon you'll remember that he's your best friend. I know breaking his nose was wrong," I say, fighting a smile. _But it felt so fucking good. _"However, seeing you on the ground like that, I could have killed him. I just need you to know that I'm sorry. I don't want you to think that that's the type of man that I am. I've struggled with violence in the past, and I know I'm a jealous overbearing prick, but I don't want you to be afraid of me, and I don't want to come between your friendship with him."

"Christian, what Jose did was wrong. I'm glad you punched him. Yes, he's a friend, but my best friend wouldn't lie to me the way he did. He would support my decisions even if he didn't agree with them. I know his intentions were good, but I'm still really pissed at him. You're a part of my life now, and if he still wants to be my friend then he's going to have to accept that," she explains.

"OK," I nod, untangling myself from her.

"Hey, where are you going?" she pouts, crossing her arms over her chest. "Certain promises were made."

"I'm starting to think the only reason you keep me around is so I can fuck you," I grin, sickeningly pleased with myself.

"Well, at least now you know the truth," she kids.

"You're an asshole. Where's the first aid kit?" I stand, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead.

"It's in the kitchen," she answers, confused. "Why?"

"I need to wrap up your ankle."

Her brow arches quizzically.

"If I'm going to fuck you, then we need to take care of it. I don't want to hurt you anymore than you already are."

"Oh. Well in that case, it's under the kitchen sink."

* * *

**Christian goes to** retrieve the first aid kit, and while he's gone I take a few moments to consider everything that he just confessed. It was hard to hear about his relationship with Kendall, and even harder hearing what his intentions were when we first met. I know that he loves me and I know that he doesn't feel that way anymore, but it's difficult to reconcile the man he used to be with the man that I've fallen so deeply in love with. I am ready to go forward with our relationship. I've tried living without him and I failed miserably, but there's just one more thing that I need to know.

Christian walks back into the room, first aid kit in hand, and gently begins the task of wrapping my ankle. "Babe," I begin, my voice trembles with nerves.

"Am I hurting you?" he asks, panic written all over his face.

"No, the ice numbed it a lot. I…I just wanted to ask you something."He gives me a strange look, _Jeez Steele, grow some balls. _ Clearing my throat I start over, "Are you going to take me into your dungeon?" I blurt out.

His head snaps up, his eyes pin mine to his. We sit there for what feels like eternity and I attempt to fight the rising heat in my cheeks. _I will not be embarrassed to talk to my boyfriend about sex. _"I mean, it's obviously a big part of your life and I think I want to try it." _Oh Lord, please open up the sky and take me now._

"How much do you know about my lifestyle?" he asks cautiously. "How much did Kendall tell you?"

"Well, just that you're a very skilled Dom and you have one of the nicest dungeons she's ever seen. Oh, but you don't call it a dungeon. You call it ah…umm…"

"My playroom."

"Playroom!" I snap my fingers, recalling the term, "I like that better, it sounds less sinister. So will you teach me?"

"No." Christian says, dismissing the idea entirely, going back to the task of wrapping my foot.

"No?" I repeat, arching my brow. "You're not even going to discuss it?"

"No."

Reaching over, I grab a pillow and throw it at his head will all the force I can muster.

"What the fuck!?" he fumes, picking the pillow up off the floor and tossing it back onto the bed.

"Here I am thinking we were working on our communication, trying to build a stronger relationship, and you just shut down on me."

"What do you want me to say?" he huffs.

"I want you to talk to me."

_Silence._

I reach over, grab another pillow and throw that one as well. This time he catches it and throws it back at me. "Why is Kendall good enough to share that part of your life with, but I'm not?" I know it's a low blow, but it's the only way I can think of to get him talking.

He shoots daggers in my direction. His hands find his hair and he rakes them back and forth furiously. "I just want you to know that was a dick move," he begins. "It's not that Kendall… Fuck Anastasia, I don't know what to say to you."

"Say you'll teach me."

"I don't… you're too good to go down that road."

"Christian, if that's the road you've taken then it's where I belong. _Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine, they are the same._" I quote his letter.

"Baby, I could never hurt you. It would kill me to know I caused you even an ounce of pain."

"Come here," I say motioning him to come into my arms. He slowly crawls up the bed and lies in between my legs. He wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head in my lap. Absently, I run my fingers through his hair as I try to organize my thoughts. It's obvious that this isn't something that can be solved in one night, but I don't want him to shut me out. "Listen, Christian, I love you and I'm choosing to forgive the past and move forward with our relationship. I trust you. I know that you would never hurt me and I don't want you to wake up one day and regret giving up that lifestyle for me. I'm not saying that I want to be your full time submissive and honestly I don't think you want that either. I can't promise that I'll be any good, and I can't promise that I'll like it, but I want to try."

"Why? We're so good with just vanilla, why do we have to add any of that dark shit?"

"Vanilla?" I ask.

"Plain sex, no toys, no bondage, no playroom."

"I don't want that part of our relationship to end, I just want to try rocky road from time to time."

"I guess I just can't understand why a nice normal girl like you would be interested?" he questions raising his head to look at me.

"What kind of people do you think participate in BDSM?"

"The fucked up ones."

"Why do you do it?" I ask, wary of his response. He can be so self-deprecating, I just wish he could see what the rest of us see.

"For control. I need control. I crave it." He returns his head to my lap.

I can tell that he's holding something back, I'm just not sure how far to push. "So control, no other reason?"

"Jesus Christ, Anastasia!" he snaps, "I get off on it, ok? Seeing little brown haired girls tied up and at my mercy, having them obey my every command, my dick is twitching just talking about having you in there."

"Well, then, I don't see what the problem is," I counter. "I want it. You want it. You said you need the control, let me give it to you."

_Silence._

"Christian,"

"Ok," he croaks, once again raising his head to meet my gaze.

I grin, happy to have won this little battle, "See? You're not so stubborn after all."

"I'm only this flexible around you, Ms. Steele, and _if _we do this, it will be in my time and on my terms." His voice is deep, full of lust.

"Yes, Sir," I say as demurely as I can manage. My stomach clenches just uttering the words out loud. I'm terrified at the thought of punishments, but I know Christian loves me; it's the one thing I've never doubted.

"Anastasia," he growls, slowly rising up, straddling me. He locks his fingers around mine and brings our hands up above my head. He leans in and kisses me deeply. "I think I like the way that sounds coming from those soft, pouty lips a little too much." He possesses my mouth once more, claiming it as his own and I am lost in sensation. His tongue slides past my teeth, and he licks every inch of me mouth that he can reach. My breaths come in short, shallow spurts as images of his skilled tongue lapping up the wetness between my legs fills my head.

"How's your ankle?" he murmurs against my mouth.

"What ankle?" I moan just as I catch his bottom lip in my teeth. I gently suck and lick and bite at his lips. The weight of his body on top of mine is a delicious reminder of everything I'd missed these last few weeks. Christian and I may bicker and we push each other's buttons, but we were made for each other.

"How do you want it, baby?" his voice is low, sexy. "Do you want me to fuck you hard or do you want me to make love to you?" He unlocks our fingers and his hands slowly trail down my arms. He rests one hand around my neck while the other continues further down to massage my breast. "Tell me what you need."

A slight whimper escapes my lips and my back arches, my body begging for more. "I need you."

"You have me. Tell me how you want me."

"I want you fast," I say, kissing the corner of his mouth. "I want you slow. I want you rough and gentle. I want all of you, everywhere, forever."

"Well, we do aim to please," he smirks, it's the 'yes I'm a billionaire sex god and I own your ass' smirk. The one that sends a shiver down my spine while simultaneously destroying my panties, the one that I fell in love with. Christian stands, checking my ankle once more. "I don't want you to hurt yourself baby, so try to stay still, ok?"

"Easier said than done," I breathe lifting my t-shirt above my head.

"Hmm," he stands there, thinking it over for a minute, and then a light bulb goes off. The corner of his mouth pulls up and he makes quick work of his remaining clothes.

Once he's completely naked he stalks over to the bed, grabs me by my thighs, and drags my butt down to the edge, pulling my panties off in the process. He drapes my legs over his shoulders as he buries his head in my crouch. He inhales deeply, moaning in appreciation. "You smell so fucking sweet."

He kisses my right thigh, sucking and biting so close to where I need him, but still so far. "Please," I mewl, trying and failing to shift his head slightly left.

His grasp tightens around my legs and he scolds, "Uh, uh, uh. I told you to be still." As punishment, he moves over to my left thigh and repeats the same kiss, suck, bite pattern.

My entire body is on fire. The moisture between my legs is so great that I can actually feel it start to drip, rolling down into the crack of my behind. "Please," I beg, desperate for his mouth to make contact with my clit. I will do anything, say anything just to feel his velvety tongue graze my folds. "Please Master, I need you," I sob.

"Fuck baby, I almost came right then and there," Christian groans, just before his tongue dives into my vagina.

My hips buck at the sudden invasion and I can feel my body start to tremble as he kisses my pussy lips with as much intensity as he did my other ones. "Don't move," he warns, letting go of my legs. My body obeys him, my mind too overwhelmed with sensation to question the command. He plunges two fingers inside of me, while his mouth continues to work on my clit. He pumps his fingers in and out, around and around, preparing me for him.

I am so close to the edge, my hands grasp at the sheets as my body submits to the pleasure his fingers and his mouth create.

He slowly removes his fingers but his mouth is back on me before I can even register the loss. "Baby, you should see how wet my fingers are," he whispers in between licks. "It would be a shame to let it go to waste."

Before I realize what's happening he plunges one of his fingers into my behind and my hips fly up off the bed. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" I scream as an orgasm rips through my body. His mouth continues its assault, lapping my folds up and down, and his finger stills, filling my rosette, as I ride out the last waves of my orgasm.

He slowly removes his finger and brings his hands back to my legs, quickly kissing each of my thighs before he stands. "I'm not done with you yet, baby." I'm not sure if it's a promise or a threat. My body is still coming down from my orgasmic high and I don't know if I can handle another one like that tonight.

He walks over to the night stand and opens the top drawer. He quickly finds the box of condoms and tears one free. He starts to put the pack back into the drawer, but instead he empties the contents of the box on top of the night stand, silently counting the remaining foil packets.

Grabbing the pillow, I use the last of my strength to throw it at his head. "You're an asshole," I huff.

He shrugs, but has the decency to look apologetic. "I know you wouldn't… I just needed to be sure…fifty shades, remember?"

"My fifty," I say, not wanting his insecurities to ruin the mood.

"Yes, yours," he smiles, making his way back over to me. Standing between my legs, he rips open the condom and rolls it down his length. Once he's sheathed up he positions the head of his cock at my entrance, slowly penetrating me. "And this is mine," he grunts as leans over placing his hands underneath me and picking me up. He carries me over to the wall all the while remaining inside of me.

"This is going to be quick baby," he murmurs, nibbling on my ear. My legs dangle on either side of his hips and my back is arched against the wall as he starts to thrust inside of me. His cock slides in and out easily as he continues to drive into my core.

My nipples harden, and my entire body throbs as it hasn't fully recovered from the first orgasm, yet he pushes me toward another. My mouth seeks his and his tongue swirls around my lips. I can taste myself in his mouth; Ana and Christian, it's a heady combination. "I love you. I love you. I love you," I chant.

We are covered in sweat and his grip on my behind starts to slip. "Come on, baby," he growls, his voice strained. "Let go!" he commands and my body obeys instantly. My head falls back and my body quivers. Our rhythm, once carefully choreographed, is now erratic, desperate. He pumps into me once, twice more and then his body stills. His head is buried in my neck as our bodies shiver, riding out the last waves of our lovemaking.

His breathing returns to normal and he carries me back over to the bed. He disposes of the condom and then climbs into bed with me, pulling me into his arms. "Did you mean what you said?" he asks.

"Hmm," I reply. My body is spent; I am barely hanging on, losing the battle against exhaustion.

"Forever?" he asks, his voice is small.

"Forever," I mumble and it's the last thing I remember before I fall into a deep and peaceful slumber.

* * *

**A/N: Ordlas, I fucking love you, seriously. Thank YOU for your faves/follows/reviews, I am in awe of you all :).**


	25. Chapter 25- In the End

**The sun shines** through the curtains and my eyes squint in an effort to adjust to the changing light. Anastasia's warm body remains in the exact spot where she fell asleep. I send up a silent prayer, thanking God that she is still here in my arms. When I woke up yesterday, my life held no meaning; I was lost and alone, praying for a miracle and now just twenty four hours later here I am, in bed with the woman that I love.

Last night could have gone either way but thankfully Ana was brave enough to give our relationship another chance. We've been to hell and back this last month and I'm hopeful that we'll come out of this stronger and more in love than ever before.

I still am wary of the idea of taking her into my playroom, but I don't think she is going to let the subject go. When I am in Dom mode, it's as if I'm in a trance. In the playroom, I don't see my sub as a person, but rather an object, mine to control, an instrument that needs a skilled master. Ana isn't an established submissive, and while I want nothing more than to get her into my playroom, I don't trust myself not to hurt her. Christian would never push her past her limits, but it's Master that I'm worried about.

I slip out of bed, careful not to rouse my sleeping beauty and quietly get dressed. I want to do something nice for Anastasia. I want to show her how grateful I am to her for giving me yet another chance and more importantly I want to deserve it.

I tiptoe to the kitchen with the intention of surprising my love with breakfast in bed. I open the fridge and pull out the ingredients to make a simple meal consisting of bacon and eggs and waffles. _Looks easy enough, _I think to myself as I read the instructions on the back of the _Eggo _box.

I rummage around the cupboards looking for a bowl to mix the scrambled eggs. "Ok, Grey, let's see what you can do." I pull an egg from the carton and gently tap it on the side of the counter, but nothing happens. I tap it again, this time with a little more force and still nothing. Bringing the egg closer to my face, I inspect it for any sign of damage. _Nothing. _"What the fuck kind of indestructible eggs are these?" I muse, returning the egg back to the counter top. "You will submit, Humpty," I grin, tapping the egg once more. This time I don't hold back, _crack,_ my palm smashes through the shell and lands on the counter with a squish. _This is fucking disgusting. _

I walk over to the sink and wash the runny egg off my hand, then grab another egg from the carton. This time I manage to crack the shell, without losing the egg. I hold the cracked egg over the bowl and pull it apart, the same way I've seen Mrs. Jones do. My thumbs slip into the egg causing the yoke, the whites, and several tiny pieces of the shell to fall into the bowl. "Shit," I growl as I try, unsuccessfully, to remove the tiny white bits from the bowl. _Maybe she won't notice. _I pull another egg from the carton and try again; this time even more of the shell falls into the bowl. _ Coffee, Grey, what you need is coffee. _

Abandoning the eggs for now, I grab the carafe and fill it with water. Once I get that loaded, I grab the coffee beans and a filter. I put several scoops of the beans into the top and press the "BREW" button. _Well that was easy. _While the coffee brews, I grab a mug from the cupboard then try to figure out how to turn the oven on.

The coffee machine gurgles just as I get the oven set, and the coffee smells divine. _Oh yes, sweet tears of Jesus. _I go to pour my first cup but the color is off. I reach for the bag and read the instructions as I take my first sip. _PTHUUUUU, _I spit the hot liquid into the sink. _How did this go so wrong? _ Scanning the instructions, I look for clues as to how I could have fucked up something as simple as making a cup of coffee. Then I see it, in tiny blue letters taunting me, _for a richer flavor try grinding your beans on a finer setting. _"Grind the fucking beans, dickhead," I growl, throwing the traitorous bag down on the counter.

Standing there, palms flat on the counter, I try to plan out my next move. "Crunchy eggs, weak coffee, and frozen waffles; she'll never let me hear the end of this." _Think Grey, think. _My mind races, desperate to salvage any hope of a romantic breakfast. _What would Mrs. Jones do? WWMJD. WWMJD? _ Then it hits me, my ah hah moment, clarity, Gail!

Reaching into the pocket of my pants, I grab my Blackberry and call Taylor. Mrs. Jones is usually off on the weekends, but Taylor asked for the afternoon off so that they could take his daughter to the zoo. _Ring._"Sir," Taylor answers on the first ring.

"Taylor, is Mrs. Jones around?" I ask.

"Yes, sir." His voice is thick with confusion. "Just a sec."

The phone shuffles and I can hear Taylor's muffled voice explaining who is on the other end.

"Is everything all right, Mr. Grey?" Gail questions, in that soft and motherly voice she uses when she is worried about me.

"Fine," I answer. "But I was wondering if I could persuade you to do me a favor? And of course it won't interfere with your plans for this afternoon," I add.

"Absolutely, Mr. Grey, no persuasion needed."

"Thank you, Gail." I say, breathing a sigh of relief.

* * *

**The smell of** bacon wafts through the air, rousing me from a deep and peaceful night's sleep. I roll to my side, confirming that I am in fact alone in bed, praying that he doesn't burn down my house. Smiling to myself, I stretch, trying to alleviate the soreness in my body caused by last night's lovemaking.

Throwing back the covers, I check my injured ankle. It's sore and swollen but it isn't as big as it was last night. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and brace myself as I attempt to stand. It hurts, but my ankle seems to be stable. I'm sure Christian will still insist on me seeing a doctor, but I'm lucky that it appears to be a minor sprain.

I hobble down the hall and into the kitchen, trying to keep from laughing at the thought of Christian making breakfast. When I reach the kitchen I am shocked to find Gail. She smiles, shooting me a conspiratorial wink before flipping the pancakes she's making.

Christian is sitting in the living room, with his Blackberry resting between his shoulder and his head, barking orders to whoever the poor unfortunate soul is on the other end. He is in full-on CEO mode and I can't help but admire the sight. His copper hair is still damp from the shower and he is wearing a pair of gray sweats and a white t-shirt.

Hobbling up beside him I sit down next to him, waiting for him to notice my presence. He continues typing away furiously at his laptop, completely immersed in whatever big deal he is working on. I sit there for about five minutes before he realizes I am there.

His head snaps over to me and he breaks out into a huge, I've-been-caught-with-my-hand-in-the-cookie-jar grin. "Tony," he says, without breaking eye contact, "I gotta go. Have this fucking fixed ASAP." He snarls into the phone before hanging up. "You aren't supposed to be awake yet."

"I smelled food," I joke as I prop my ankle in his lap.

He takes a few minutes to examine it, before continuing, "I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed, but it was easier said than done. I couldn't even figure out how to make coffee." He chuckles as he recounts the morning's events.

A sense of calm washes over me as he describes the look on Mrs. Jones's face when she saw the state of the kitchen. This feels right. Christian is my happily ever after, and in this moment, I don't understand how I ever could have doubted that.

**Sitting at my** desk, I think over how much life has changed for me in the last two weeks. Not only are Christian and I officially back together, but it has been two weeks since I'd last spoken to the person I once couldn't go a whole day without talking to.

Jose has kept his distance, opting to stay in Portland full time instead of traveling back and forth as was the original plan. Aside from one late night drunken voicemail, in which he apologized for keeping the letter from me, I haven't heard a peep from him.

Kate says he feels terrible about the whole thing, and although he still doesn't like Christian, he understands that what we have is the real thing and that it was wrong of him to interfere.

His exhibit is over at the end of the month and he'll be returning to Seattle shortly after that. I know I can't avoid him forever, especially since we live together, but for now, I'd rather just pretend like he doesn't exist.

_Ping! _My computer snaps me back into the here and now.

* * *

**From**:Christian Grey

**Subject**:My Offer

**Date**:August 19 2011

**To**:Anastasia Steele

Have you given anymore thought to what we discussed last night?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holding, INC.

* * *

**From**:Anastasia Steele

**Subject**:I have and…

**Date:**August 19 2011

**To:** Christian Grey

…my answer is still no.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP

* * *

**From:**Christian Grey

**Subject**:Stubborn Women

**Date:**August 19 2011

**To**:Anastasia Steele

You practically live with me anyway, why not make it official?

Christian Grey

CEO , Grey Enterprises Holding, INC.

* * *

**From**:Anastasia Steele

**Subject**:Webster Says

**Date**:August 19 2011

**To:** Christian Grey

**Practically**- Virtually; almost.

**Officially**- In a formal and public way.

See the difference? Almost doesn't count.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP

* * *

**From**:Christian Grey

**Subject**:Urban Dictionary Says

**Date**:August 19 2011

**To**:Anastasia Steele

**Smart ass**- Someone who is sarcastic, in a cutting yet witty manner. A person capable of making a remark that could be interpreted as an insult or a joke depending on the sensitivity of the listener and the specific situation. A smart ass is not necessarily a bad person just usually perceptive. (For terms to refer to an offensive, cruel and asinine person see Jerk, Asshole , idiot, fool etc.)

See the resemblance?

Christian Grey

Begging you to reconsider, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holding, INC.

* * *

**I smile to** myself, as I close out the email program. Once my crazy, jealous, stalker CEO boyfriend gets an idea in his head, there is no stopping him. He has been dropping hints about me moving in ever since we got back together, and last night he finally came right out and asked me. I love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but living together is a big step, and I'm not sure I am ready to take it.

"Lunch time," Jack says, as he strolls past my office. I love working for Jack. Not only is he a genius, but he is bat shit crazy to boot. At first I thought he was a little eccentric, but the longer I've worked for him the more I've started to doubt his sanity. He has a heart of gold, but sometimes his methods leave the rest of us scratching our heads.

"Enjoy your lunch," I wave, as I grab my wallet and head for the vending machine.

Friday afternoons at SIP are like a post apocalyptic war zone. The building is all but deserted during the lunch hour, save for those of us low enough on the totem pole to be stuck finishing up the grunt work.

"Ana."

My hand freezes mid-air, the vending machine spits my dollar back out, but I am too preoccupied with the sound of that familiar voice to worry about which way George's head is facing. "Kendall," I seethe, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You won't answer my phone calls and the doorman won't let me within a foot of Escala," she calmly explains.

"And you took that as a hint to come to my job to what? To confront me for getting back together with Christian, or to spew more lies, or to lay a guilt trip on me? Don't waste your breath." I snatch my dollar from the vending machine, tearing it in the process, and shoulder past Kendall.

"Ana, wait," she pleads grabbing my hand. "That's not why I'm here."

"Enlighten me," I grow, yanking my hand from hers. This bitch has a lot of nerve showing up here after everything that's happened.

"I came to beg for your forgiveness. I came to apologize. I miss you."

Tears form in her brown eyes, and for a moment, she almost has me fooled. "Kendall, you've done this before, remember? Save the crocodile tears for someone else. I was willing to give up everything for our friendship, and you were too selfish to give a fuck."

"I know I don't deserve your friendship, but I'm hoping that you'll give me another chance."

"No!" I bark "Is that all?"

"Please, Ana."

"Look Kendall, I'm haven't become this cold hearted bitch, I'm sorry that you've had your heart broken. I truly hope that one day you'll find someone to love you like you deserved to be loved, but me and you," I motion between us, "we can't go back to the way things were, there's no point in even trying."

"Why can't we? Why do we have to let him affect our friendship?"

"Do you still love him?" I question.

She stands there, looking at the ground, but she remains quiet.

"Do. You. Still. Love. Him." I repeat.

"Yes," she whispers.

"And that is why we can't be friends."

I head back to my office leaving Kendall standing there, alone. I've learned more about friendship and love in the past two months than I have in my entire life. You can't choose who you love. You can't trust everyone and most importantly, when you find the one who makes you feel as if you're his entire reason for existing, you hold on with both hands and never let go.

The End…

* * *

**A/N- Ok this is the last official chapter, but I am also doing an epilogue AND I am working on a sequel. Stay tuned for the epilogue, it sets the tone for part 2. As always thanks Ordlas for all your help and thank YOU for your Faves/Follows/Reviews!**


	26. Epilogue

**Six months later.**

_Knock. Knock. Knock._ "Shit. I forgot to call him," I say as I help Kate onto the couch. She's spent the past two hours throwing up, and it's gotten to the point where I'm worried that she might need to see a doctor.

"Don't," Kate whines. "He's been in Taiwan for the last month; you can't cancel on account of me."

"Kate," I scold, as I pad over to the door. Christian is leaning in the doorway, one arm above his head and he's smiling his panty dropping smile. My heart skips a beat just looking at him; his hair is tousled and his gray eyes shine with love. _God, I've missed him._ Biting down on my lower lip, I whisper seductively,"Only you can step off an airplane after a fourteen hour flight and look this good."

"Easy, baby," he grins, pulling me into his arms. I inhale his spicy scent; a month is too long to be apart. "If you keep looking at me like that I'm going to fuck you senseless right here in this hallway."

"I see Taipei hasn't cured your dirty mouth," I tease, pulling him into the apartment.

"What are you doing?" he questions, "we have to go, we're on a schedule."

"About that," I begin, bracing myself for the inevitable overreaction.

His brow arches and he folds his hands across his chest. "Spit it out, Ms. Steele."

"Kate's been throwing up all day," I explain. "She needs to go to the hospital and Jose is out of town on a shoot."

"Where's Elliot?"

"He got called into work, he said he would meet us there as soon as he got done."

"Well then I'll call Mia," he sighs, running his fingers through his hair.

"Will you two stop it!" Kate croaks from her spot on the couch. "I'll be fine. It's probably just something I ate. I'm just going to try and take a nap, I'm sure I'll feel better when I wake up."

"It's settled then, go get your shoes," Christian declares, giving me a little shove in the direction of my bedroom. I turn around and stick my tongue out at him. He gives me a wink, rubbing his hands together back and forth, his message heard loud and clear. _Damn I could use a good spanking._

**Christian and I** walk hand in hand down the streets of old town Seattle. We spent the day getting lost in the city, catching each other up on what's been going on over the last month. He tells me about his time in Taipei and I regale him with stories about my eccentric boss. "You would not believe what Jack did last week," I begin.

"What?" he plays along.

"He dressed up as cupid, and I kid you not, went around the office shooting people with a nerf gun."

"You're kidding," Christian chuckles.

"I could not make this shit up," I giggle.

"I missed that."

"I missed you," I counter, tugging on his hand. "Seriously, a month is too long."

"I know baby. I promise I won't be gone that long again, or if I am, I'm bringing you with me." He leans down kissing my forehead. "Look," he says, pointing just over my right shoulder.

"Madam Effie," I groan, recalling the last time we went to see the clairvoyant.

"We should go in," Christian teases.

"No. Hell no. Do you remember what happened last time? No and no."

"Come on, babe," he drags me across the street to the little building, "we'll steer clear of the tarot cards."

Madam Effie greats us at the door. "Welcome," she squawks in that birdlike voice of hers. "I had a feeling I'd be seeing you two again. What can I do for you today? Another card reading?"

"No thank you, not this time," Christian answers. "How about you get your palm read?" he suggests, looking to me for confirmation.

"Sure," I shrug.

Madam Effie ushers us to the same little table and we sit in the same little chairs as before. "Give me you're dominant hand, dear."

I snicker at her choice of words, as I place my right hand palm up in her hand.

"This line here," she says, running her finger across the middle of the most defined line on my hand, "is the head line. This line is a representation of your mentality and your intelligence. You see this line here," she continues, tracing the line below. "This is your life line. It represents vitality as well as the length of your life. The two lines are parallel indicating that you have a love of adventure and an enthusiasm for life." She smiles.

"This line here is the heart line. It represents any emotions and events that center around love. Your love line is strong and deep and indicates that you have a great capacity to love and be loved and that you are a warm, caring and devoted lover and friend."

"And this little tiny line here, this is your marriage line. The fact that you only have one line here indicates that you will only be married one time," she explains, pointing to a faint line on the side of my hand. She runs all five of her fingers up my palm, dropping something in my hand just before letting go. A shiver runs down my spine when I see the ring left sitting in the palm of my hand. My eyes burn and tears begin to fall down my cheeks.

Christian takes the horizontal gold and diamond ring from my palm before dropping down to one knee. Madam Effie discreetly backs away from the table, leaving us in private.

"Anastasia Rose Steele," he starts, his voice thick with emotion. My tears fall uncontrollably, as reality sinks in. "I've loved you since the moment you fell into my office. I will love you every day for the rest of my life. While I was away, I thought of nothing more than coming home to you. The French say, _Tu me manques._ Roughly translated it means, you are missing from me. You are the other half of my soul, the better half, and when we're apart I am incomplete. I want your world to begin and end with me, as mine begins and ends with you. Will you marry me?"

"Yes," I sob, dropping down to my knees. "A million times yes."

* * *

_**AKNOWLEDGMENTS.**_

_**Never in a million years did I expect the response that Sex and Seattle has gotten. This all started with a song that gave way to an idea, which turned into a five shot and that transformed into the twenty-five chapter shit-show that is Sex and Seattle. Thank you so much for all of your encouraging words. Thank you for laughing at my ridiculousness. Thank you for embracing my version of the beloved characters EL created. **_

_**A special thanks to the Facebook girls, my rebels, my friends and my sisters. You guys inspire me to be better each and every day.**_

_**And thank you to my crazy, pistol packing, heifer ass heifers on twitter, for keeping me on my toes, making me laugh and holding me down, I love you.**_

_**JUDDDDYYYYYYY! Words cannot express how much your help has meant to me. You are as passionate about my characters as I am. You pushed me to write a better story and I am forever grateful for your guidance and your friendship.**_

_**Now on to what everyone wants to know, the sequel! It will probably be posted in a couple of weeks. I am working on outlining it and I want to have the first three chapters written before I post. I am also working on a second story and I hope to post it around the same time. I will post on this story to alert you when they are uploaded. Stay tuned!**_

_**With Love,**_

_**Erika**_


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